Back together.. but can't get the "kiss" out of my

[Aktrez]

Hey everyone. Well, for those of you who were following my posts.. I just wanted to let you know that Matt and I are back together.

 

Last night we sat down and had a LONG talk. He said that he dated only 2 girls while we were separated. One of them kissed him ... one he kissed. Now, it was ONLY a kiss.. nothing more.. but, this really bothers me. I can't seem to get the image of him kissing other girls out of my head.

 

He wants to work really hard on making our relationship great! He wants it to be the best because he feels that he now realizes how much I mean to him and that he feels he really does want me forever.

 

So, here we are.. back together.. and things should be PERFECT right!? It's all I ever wanted out of our relationship. Yet, I still have this nagging issue in the back of my head.. this image.. of this girl... that (he said) had he never had known me.. he could have seen himself with.

 

She is completely opposite me.. and they didn't stay together because she didn't have the traits he loved about me.

 

How do you get over a visual like that!?

[Duderanomi]

Just stop thinking about it. Be glad that the present is working in your favor.

[hurtbylove]

The same way you get over your new boyfriend having past relationships before you.

 

I don't hold it over my next gf that she may have slept with/kissed other guys because that happened even before she knew of my existence

 

I am a fairly jealous person by nature, but some things you have to let go.. No point in ruining a relationship over something that happened in the past. Your partners past experiences make them the person they are today.

[brokenpogostick]

great posts, i applaud both of you & agree with you.

 

I know it's going to be hard, but you are going to have to forget about what happened with him & this other chick. Obviously he's with you for a reason - don't give him any reason to want to go back to her or anyone else for that matter...

 

enjoy your good times while they're here!

 

good luck

[Vert]

This is my biggest fear and I agree with hurtbylove. I am also a jealous person by nature, and I almost hated it when my ex would go to bars with her girlfriends (while we were still together) for "ladies night out". I always got this constant image of her flirting with other guys although I know now that she never let it happen. Now that we're not together, I can't stand the thought of her in the embrace of another guy. My friends tell me that I will have to force myself not to think about that anymore.

[deebee]

Hi Aktrez, congratulations and welcome back...

 

The answer is you just get over it if he is the one for you. This was going to be one of the likely outcomes of the deal you struck with him. Take it as a compliment that he returned to you over this other woman, and with a new attitude.

 

My doubts were about whether he felt the same for you as you did for him. Make sure you are satisfied that this is now the case, as the break hasn't been long (not the six months he originally stated). You don't want to be going through that again! Take it steady and see how it goes.

 

Why not post a summary of your situation in the 'Ask the Expert' thread in the Breaking Up forum? A professional psychotherapist and relationship coach is answering the questions.