Bi, Gay or Straight?

[katka]

How can you tell if you're dating someone who's not just into women? I've asked him several times...he denied. But I just can't help thinking that he's had a past with males. Has anyone ever experienced this? It seems that a lot of guys online post that they are looking for a woman but then turn out being so obviously gay. I wonder what the phenomenon is behind this. Any ideas?

[lunatic]

Katka,

 

Can I ask you a question why you think he is into males?? Could you give us some of your reasons for thinking/feeling this way.

 

Thanks,

Hubman 8)

[katka]

...but ok, he has two cats. Yes, guys can like cats but he named one of them "Shakira" after that Spanish woman singer. Not really a manly thing to do. He has a sort of lisp. He has the hand gestures on occasion. He likes very girly music...he even told me he likes the song "Muskrat Love" by Captain and Tinelle (or however you spell it)...that made me cringe. His condo is connected to three other units...two of them gay couples and the one a lone middle-aged man. He spend a great deal of time with this certain guy friend. These are just some examples...

[lunatic]

Ok well the cat names Shikira is a little suspisious, but that does not make him gay. Just watch him and his behavior while out and see how he reacts to meeting people out in public. If your intiution is telling you something maynot be right then keep an eye on this one.

 

Hubman 8)

[ComputerGuy]

I like cats, if its a girl cat I'd give it a girl name. Dont know that song you mentioned but I do like a lot of so called "Girly" music, Celine Dion rates as one of my favourites. A lisp has nothing to do with sexual orientation, and the hand gesture thing happens when I get really into a conversation. However I am far from gay. think you're potentially reading into this way too much.

 

Hope this helps

[Gunther]

well, let me ask you this what does his wardrobe look like, what kind of car does he drive and how does he wear his hair. This should tell you realativly easily believe it or not. And let me tell you why: because everyone knows what a sterio-typed gay person is strait men will naturaly detract from that kind of behavior and gay men will attract to it. thereforeeee if he does a good amount of what gay people do there is a good chance he is gay. One more question, does he speak spanish by chance?

[katka]

no, he doesn't speak Spanish but he told me about a month ago that he had this friend either from college or work I can't remember. And the guy's name was Rafael and that everyone thought they were a gay couple because they spent to much time together. Well, this Rafael moved to Puerto Rico and spur of the moment last week, the guy I'm seeing was invited to go visit him and now "my guy" is down there and all I can envision is man love and it grosses me right out. He dresses like a normal guy, I suppose. Old Navy, he has a normal guy's haircut (not maticulous or feminine)...this is what throws me off. Why did you ask me about Spanish??

[ocean9]

okay...how is this guy in bed? Does he seem to physically desire you? ...or is there something 'missing' when you are intimate?

 

He might be bisexual. If he is, are you okay with that? Have you talked with him about this at all? Do your friends think he is gay? Do you have any gay friends who have met him? (They would have a pretty good idea, and they may have seen him in clubs and so forth)

[katka]

Actually, good thing this is an anonymous forum here, he can't keep his hands off of me. and he is continuously "ready to go" if you know what I mean (nudge, nudge, wink, wink). However, he seems really nervous and semi inexperienced. Always complimenting me BUT he said one of his neighbors said "who is that blonde girl you were with. she is a straight man's dream"...that scared me to death.

 

I haven't seen him interact with other guys so I'm not sure if he ogles them or not. Man, I wish I knew for sure so I could put my mind at ease. He comes back this Sunday and I don't even want him to touch me cause I don't know "where he's been" so to speak.

[ocean9]

Katka,

 

I can understand that you are concerned about being intimate with him if you think he is also being intimate with other people.

 

I don't think that a gay man would be continuously "ready to go" with a woman...but he could still be bisexual.

 

Has he actually done anything to cause you to think that he is cheating on you? Could it be that you are feeling insecure for other reasons?

[alonealone]

Well is he good in bed? Not to be so blunt but if he is not into women then he probably is not going to be the best lover.

 

Also does he ever make any remarks about other women, like guy remarks not how good their shoes look? I have a friend that took me a while to figure out he was gay. He liked sports and all the guy stuff, but he never ever made any kind of remark about women, like if a good looking girl walked by and all the guys where gaulking, he would not say anything.

 

And I don't mean crude remarks, he just didn't acknowledge them at all.

 

Your gut really should tell you.

[katka]

He wouldn't be technically cheating really cause we never had the talk about us. It's been maybe a little over two months that we first met. My insecurity stems from quirks that could easily be interpreted as gay/bi. AND my friend used to work with him (I never told him that my friend knows him) and she said that she always assumed he was gay or bi. She assumed it from his actions/gestures as well. And the fact that he doesn't seem to have much experience with women.

[katka]

We haven't really been in a situation where I could see if he gawks or notices women. Let's see...we've been out to dinner and lunch and those times, he seems focused on me. We've been out to hear live bands but we'd be in a conversation so I didn't really see him looking around much...we've been deep sea fishing, off shore fishing, cooked at his place...oh! I did meet his one friend (the one he talks about incessantly and spends a great deal of time with) but, yes, this friend lives with his girlfriend so they could be bi lovers...but I was relieved cause the couple seemed "normal".

 

I'm concerned about this Rafael in Puerto Rico though because he had told me before he left that he would "try" and email me or call me to see what I was up to and I haven't heard a word from him. Leading me to beieve he's otherwise occupied. AND this Rafael used to live here but moved down there. And my coworker said "Oh, I know a Rafael and he's was very flamboyant gay and he was from such and such town (which is right next to my guys town) and this Rafael worked in a lab...my guy is a lab guy but then moved to Puerto Rico... how much of a coincedance is that??

[kawaiikes]

I really don't think that gestures, taste in music and choice of cat names really have much to do with sexuality, if you want the truth. I am a normal-looking sixteen-year-old girl and I am bisexual. Also, you would never guess from a conversation with my boyfriend that he, too, is bisexual. Remember, stereotypes are created so that everyone can be labeled. Like prep, punk, goth, poser, gay, geek, loser. I hate to psychoanalyze, but if you are doing so much research just to find out if your significant other could possibly be gay and not really attracted to you, maybe you feel as though he is not really satisfied with you. Also, if your significant other says that he is heterosexual, you should believe him without a doubt. Honesty is key in relationships, and if you cannot trust this man to tell you the truth or this man cannot trust you enough to tell you the truth then maybe a relationship just isn't in order.

[OceanEyes]

Hi katka,

 

How old are you two, if you don't mind my asking?

 

I honestly see why you might wonder. However, from the things you've mentioned, I really doubt that he's gay.

 

And another thing; I've been reading how people mention how they can 'read' by physical characteristics, mannerisms, and tastes if a man is gay or not. This is obviously true in some cases, but there are others when even your closest friends may fool you. A gay male friend of mine told me that he was out at a straight club with some friends, and ended up meeting this "thuggish" type character who was gawking at women all night and seemed to be very masculine. He ended up leaving with my friend and having sex with him that very same night - AND wanting to continue doing so every day afterwards!!

 

So what I'm saying here, is that a few feminine traits shouldn't be cause for alarm. Certain men are just more in tune with their 'feminine side' and are cheesier. Doesn't mean he's gay though!