Dazed & confused

[shoong]

I hope someone can help me out or give sound advice because I'm just about at my wits end...

I've been in love with a girl for 5 years. Problem was, she was with my best friend. As you can imagine this was very hard but I always managed to keep it a bit of a secret, although it did ruin my self-confidence & I used to try & drown the pain with alcohol but I've managed to clean myself up since.

A couple of months ago they split up. I felt sorry for both of them because I don't like to see my friends unhappy. So I thought I might leave the situation alone & then maybe ask her out. Remember, we've been good friends for 5 years or so.

Her ex & my best friend today informed me that she told him that she has been seeing someone. I have never felt so crushed in all my life & it was an absolute struggle not to burst into tears when he told me. What can I do? I love her so much & want to try my best to make her happy.

As I see it there are options.

1) Carry on regardless while carrying the torch which causes me much pain.

2) Tell her how I feel & risk losing her forever.

3) Telling her that I can't be her friend anymore. It hurts too much to see her & not be with her & hurts too much to see her with other men. That would be a shame but it might be best for both parties.

 

Please please help if you can!

 

A very sad, confused & alone Shoong.

[toolgirl150]

Oh man - I feel for you - really I do.

 

But I think I would go with option 2. Life isn't worth living by the sidelines. Could it ruin your friendship? Maybe, maybe not - but what kind of enjoyment are you getting out of the friendship right now? Not much from where I can see. You have been holding a torch for this person for 5 long years. Take the chance, see what happens, take a leap of faith. And regarding the fact that she said to someone that she is "seeing someone" - take it with a grain of salt. She may have just said that to get someone off her back. My suggestion - strike while the iron is hot. If she is seeing someone - it sounds like it hasn't been that long.

 

If you never find out - you will live the rest of your life with a "what if" and if you do meet someone else, this girl will ALWAYS be on your mind.

 

If this woman is as great as you say she is, she won't ditch you over this revelation. It may allow her to see you in a new light. If she doesnt' share your feelings, than it may be awkward and tense for a while, but it sounds like you two are good friends, and you will always have that.

 

Go for it dude. Stop living life on the bench. Stop cheering life from the sidelines and make the big plays yourself. You can do this!!

[shoong]

Thank u toolgirl150, u make good sense. Of course the next problem is how my friend will react... ugh, why are these things never simple!?

Anyway, thanks again.

shoong

[brandos lovechild]

hiya shoong. wouldnt you rather be the guy who gets approached by girls, than the guy who is emotionally crippled by his love for a girl who dates his friends but never him. if she has never felt a romantic twinge towards you in 5 years, she wont ever. although guys r expected to pour their hearts out in an attempt to win a woman, doesnt mean women r mutes or wear crowns on their head..so stop obsessing about summoning courage to talk this girl 'friend' , if she was intersted she'd let u know. good luck.

[toolgirl150]

Yeah it seems like the general consensus is to "fish or cut bait". Works well in life.

 

You certainly don't have to supplicant yourself and profess your undying love. Ask her out to something casual. You don't have to seduce her - just maybe bring it up a notch and see how she responds. i don't totally agree with the if she hasn't come around in 5 year she never will. Maybe I'm too much of an optimist. Maybe she's the type that would never make the first move.

 

Yeah, rejection sucks big time - but can't live life expenting people to read your mind. Some time you have ask for what you want - and sometimes - you just might get it.

 

And if you don't - well, then you've dealt with it and can move on. The LAST thing I want to encounter when I meet a guy is that he has unresolved feels/stuff/crap with some other women. Yuck.

 

I guess we come back to "fish or cut bait"

 

good luck - you can do this.