Do dumpers think about what they lost?

[Ated]

Hi, my ex broke up with me about 3.5 months ago, he went overseas and dint even say goodbye, and here i am, trying to get over him, thinking that i was over HIM. I mean, i am SO much better off without him.

 

BUT, becos of mutual friends, i found out that he is now back. I started to panic and all wounds opened! I dunno why i still feel so stupid. I htought my crying days were over.

 

Does he ever think abotu me>!? Miss me?!

 

I mean, he was soooo harsh to me when we broke up. Eg, he said to me "i have no love for u, go find someone who will. Other are "i regret going out with u"

 

He told me he wanted to end the relationship a while ago, but he felt sorry for me.

 

Im just really hurt again, it feels like we broke up yesterday... I just wanna show him that im strong... how do i go about that? I mean, ppl say to 'run' but, what if u bump into each other?! what then?

 

Pls, if its not too much trouble, gimme some advice... I'd appriciate any input! Thanks XOX

[evepm]

Ated:

 

Your ex is a creep and better off forgotten. He was cruel to you and you deserve better. Don't spend your time dwelling upon whether or not he thinks about or misses you. It's not worth it.

 

As far as showing him how strong you are, why do you care what this creep thinks? You will be strong by putting him out of your head and moving on with your life. Make a point to not go to places where you will run into him. If by chance you do see him, just give him a polite hello and leave it at that.

 

It sounds like you may not be over him. Anytime that you think about him, keep in mind the horrible things that he said to you. If your mutual friends are opening up old wounds you may need to avoid them for a while. Concentrate on yourself and your life. I wish the best of luck to you and take care of yourself.

 

evepm

[rmanaudio]

You are extremely young! You're going to find so so so many other guys 10 times better than him. Only than will you know what real love is and how 2 people can compliment each other.

 

Just move on with your life! Start doing new things to forget about the past.

 

Don't even think about "what if I run into him", if you're not looking for him, you probably wont see him for a long time.

[Ated]

I hope i dont see him... Otherwise, im afraid i'll break down. I guess I'm just still hurting because he isnt thinking baout me at all... and it's all too easy for him.

 

I dunno what he is upto now... but i guess i'd rather not know...

 

rmanaudio: You're right, 17 is young... However, i do think that i love him. I guess what hurts also is that, i come from a broken family, and i never had a real relationship with my father (he was very abusive and even threathened to kill my mum with a knife in front of me!) His family on the otherhand, are sooo loving. I guess i wish i was a part of that. ALso, he now smokes and drinks a lot... and when i tell him to stop, we broke up.

 

evepm: Thanks for the advice... sometimes, i need to hear what i already know, just to confirm it. I care about what he thkns cos we use to be close. The thing is, i gave him everything i can and have. THen he just boke up with me. It makes me feel soooo worthless and i feel like no one will want me. I guess also the time that i spent with him. 1.5 years.... pretty long time building a relationship, then breaking up and then looking for a new one...

 

 

Thanks you both. It really helps, not to be a complainer, but i'm the type of girl who worry a lot. I even seriosuly considered going to a psychologist. I've been to my school counsellor and that helped me a bit.

 

*sigh* If you have any more uplifting words, its MORE than welcome!

[rmanaudio]

You know what the best thing for you to do is? Learn from all the mistakes in your life, both the ones you have made, and your father has made, and better yourself from it. Make sure those things never happen to you or the ones you care for.

 

Always remember: TRUE LOVE NEVER DIES!!! If it is true love, it will work out in the end!!!

[Ated]

i guess ur right. TRUE LOVE NEVER DIES.

 

But then, is it possible for 'true love' to be one-sided? As in, he's MY true love... but im not his?

[rmanaudio]

TRUE LOVE cannot be one sided....I don't see anyone truly loving someone to the best they can, if that person doesn't love back.

 

TRUE LOVE is between two people truly inlove with one another!

 

I remember when I was 17, that is when I met my first girlfriend. after a year and a half I bought her a ring and proposed. She accepted, but our parents broke us kinda up. She matured and we fell apart. Then I found her with someone else and she never even told me to move on. I felt just like you, but a nother girls love helped me take the pain away!

 

Just enjoy your youth while you can!

[Ated]

OMG!!! I was walking today... and i saw him!!!!

 

I was walking out of a street near my home, and he was walking into the street. I was wearing a hat and shades, so i think he might'nt have recognised me... but i reckon he did because as soon as i saw him, i moves to the other side of the street. OMG!

 

I called my friend and she said i did the right thing ignoring him. (besides, i was listening to music)

 

My god. I feel so retarded. Here i am on the forum talking about him, and with my luck i saw him today. Just great isnt it?? ARGH!!! Sorry guys. had to vent...

 

I guess it just emphasised how pathetic i am, seeing as tho its been 3 months in passing and im still hurting while he just goes and party.

[tiki]

...i know how you feel...

its really better off not knowing what they are up to because once you know that they are doing better than you...it makes you feel like crap even more.

But you know what...i bet you have learned so much from this whole experience...yah, you are heart broken and you feel retarded right now but once the pain starts to go away....you will feel so much stronger and you will feel good about overcoming something like this.

As for him, he probably didn't learn anything about relationships yet...and he will have to some day.

at least you are learning it while you are still young and there is still room for error...

Im actually going through the same thing so just take it one day at a time....if you see him...dont show him that you are weaker that him even if you feel as if you are...keep your chin up and walk past him with confidence (even if you have to fake it....you can cry when he cant see you anymore)...

good luck

keep us posted

[Ated]

HEY tiki:

 

Just with my luck i saw him again TODAY.

 

We even had eye contact! :S freaky it was! But i just kept on walking. as u said, held my head up high. However, i still do care about him deeply so i turned around, swallowed my pride and talked to him. WHen i saw him... i felt nothing. i felt like a bigger person. I saw him smoking... (still) and he was unshaved... and i dunno he looked unclean to me.

 

I couldnt tell whether he appriciated me talking to him. But i just thought it would we sad that just cos we broke up, we should talk to each other anymore.

 

I dunno, i wish i showed him that im doing good with myself. I think i made a mistake handling the situation tho. I AGIAN, expressed my concern, telling him "he should really cut down on his smokes" but, thats apparently "mothering' him and the reason for the break up.

 

Well, ive always thought to just ignore him when i do run into him (read what rmaudio had to say... but i kinda glad i did talk to him. It shows that im not a chicken and to me, it shows maturity? am i just being conceited? or is my perception straight>?

 

Any comments welcome.

 

PS: I feel soooo good today. And its weird cos when i dont see him, i just hear about him, it brings me to tears, but now that i saw him... i did feel unattached and i guess that is a good sign. I just now hope that he meant what he said "ill never come back to u" cos i dont want him to! :S

[tiki]

so let me get this straight...

one of the reason you guyz broke up was because you "mother" him...

im guessing that means that you were just looking after him because you cared...

guyz are stupid sometimes....

do you think he would appreciate it more if you didnt care at all?...

WHATEVER!

this guy probably isnt worth your time...

im glad you are feeling good...

im starting to feel better after shopping, ice cream and "FRIENDS" on DVD

....keep in touch

[Ated]

hahah "friends" is always good to feel better! and shopping and ice cream on top! Even better!

 

Yeah im glad im over him. But hes been in Australia for over a month now and he didnt even let meknow. He didnt tell me when he left and when he came back. But then i spose what was he to do? understandable!

 

As for the 'mothering' thing! Ur absolutely right. I 'mother' him cos i tell him not to smoke, to go home (not clubbing SOOO LATE when he's gotta work the next day)

 

I guess the reason i couldnt let go before is the thoguht that it was SOOO easy for hiim while it was soooo damn hard for me!

 

Im glad im doing better, not completely "OVER" it, but over it enough. if u get me...

 

I just wonder whether he even thinks about me? at all? in a good way or a bad way?

 

its so funny how i TALKED to him! otherwise? we would be like strangers forever!

 

So funny! I'm more courageous than he is. I feel like waht i did was a mature thing to do too.

 

KEEP being HAPPY tiki! looking forward to ur reply! (if u do... lol)

[rmanaudio]

STOP KILLING YOURSELF!!!

 

OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND!!!!

 

You will get through all this a lot faster if you don't see him or try to talk to him. Cuz, if you do, all the past memories will rush back and your heart will hurt again. I'm going through the same thing right now (read "Does she really love me" post).

 

Always smile, always be happy, always be the better person and move on with your life! Like I said, you are going to have many many more relationships with guys ten times better than him!!

 

He is a loser and a bum, you need to forget about him and move on!

[Ated]

Ok rmanaudio!!! *salutes*!!!

 

 

Out of sight, out of mind! Thing is tho, we were walking past each other, so couldnt help it! well, at least now im over him right?

 

Thanks for the advice rmanaudio! but dont get angry at me! ur last post seems to be shouting at me.

 

Im happy. Everything is fine. All is good! Plenty of fish in the see!

 

But i dont think ill look for fish. I'll let the male fish look for me!

 

Good idea

[Ated]

hey he's got a new gf...

 

apparently, she's got my frame and height? What could this mean. ALso, he is wearing the ring that i bought for him everyday? is that any sign??

 

I still care for him (i realise that now) altough i wouldn't get back with him, i still worry about him. I heard he goes clubbing EVERY week with this girl (and other friends) and he drinks sooo much he trhows up on the streets... (YUCK). He even lost his phone on the taxi (maybe he was too drunk to realise it feel off his pocket)... I dunno i really dunno why i feel the way i do. can someone tell me?

[rmanaudio]

First.....why are you finding things out about him? Why follow up on what he is doing or who he is with? You are just hurting yourself!

 

Move on, don't think about him, don't go finding things out about him, just dont care no more!

 

Second, most guys will stick to the same frame/height of their first g/f or love. I'm the same way, I look for girls that look like my x-g/f's, it is just natural!

 

You really need to move on and stop thinking about him, or you will be stuck in the past and this hurting stage for a very long time.

 

Look at me, I spent 5 years of my life on the girl I thought was the love of my life. Boy was I wrong! I broke up 2 weeks ago with her and I still find myself thinking about her, but I also find things to do to keep my mind on other things, to keep me busy!

[Ated]

i know what you are saying rmanaudio! That's why u must KNOW how i feel.

 

I just CARE for him soo much. Not necessarily as a gf type. But i was really attached to him. and i just worry for his wellbeing. Im that type pf person. My personality type is ESFJ. the "caregivers" thats why its so hard for me to adjust cos i'm like THIS! caring!

 

Pls help me. Im seriosuly ging crazy. I think i need some serious counselling...

 

ARGH

 

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