lost6194 Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 I cant take this depression anymore. All hope is gone for me. Everyday i wake up and ask myself is life worth living. Im tired of waking up in the morning because i already know that my days going to be just as boring and depressing as the last. Im just tired of living, and i dont think i can recover from this. The only thing i kinda look forward to is going to sleep cause thats the only time i dont have to think about anything. Im so lonely, ive been single since last year when me and my ex brokeup. It hurts not to have anyone to talk to about your day, or get advice from, or just have somebody to be close to mentally and phsyically. Im in so much pain no one could ever understand, i feel like my stomache is always in knots. My heart is broken, i dont want to feel like this anymore. I dont want to feel anything anymore, pain,saddness,anger,lonliness,guilt, nothing. I wish god would take me away from this and let me be at peace. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 Have you been depressed since the breakup last year or where you always prone to depression? How old are you? Link to comment
lost6194 Posted February 18, 2011 Author Share Posted February 18, 2011 Im 23, Im over the breakup, i was just saying that i havnt been with anyone since and the lonliness is killing me. i have depression and take medicine but its obviously not working. Link to comment
shuttlefish Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 It's always darkest before the dawn. Have faith, things will get better, it certainly sounds like it can't get much worse. My advice, live day by day, hour by hour if necessary and hang in there. I've been where you are, and strange as it sounds something that really helped me was that someone asked me to look after their cat for a month while there were away. This cat was dependent on me, it needed it me, and this helped. Stoking the cat and playing with it calmed me down some and looking after it gave me some vital purpose. It took the focus away from myself and my misery. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 Im 23, Im over the breakup, i was just saying that i havnt been with anyone since and the lonliness is killing me. i have depression and take medicine but its obviously not working. How long has it not been working for? Maybe you need to get your dose changed. Please tell me that you see a doctor along with taking meds? What do you do all day that you are thinking is the same? Do you work? Link to comment
Audrinaa Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 Doesn't sound like you are over this break up? Do you have any friends? Are you seeing a therapist? What do you do during the day? Link to comment
lost6194 Posted February 19, 2011 Author Share Posted February 19, 2011 Im not working right now because of my issues. I have been diagnosed with major depression, PTSD,borderline personality disorder, and bipolar. I see a therapist every other week, and a pshyciatrist. im so messed up, i have all these diagnoses and i feel alone. I feel like their not helping me enough, i told the psychiatrist ive been thinking about suicide and other stuff like that , an i feel like he just brushed it off and didnt do anything but up the meds. I never get any help in my counseling sessions because i cant ever talk about whats really bothering me. I dont even like telling people about my mental illness cause i feel like they think im a wacko. And its like if i dont tell them then i feel like they really dont know who i am. I cant keep living like this, i dont know how to help myself. Link to comment
brockus Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 lost6194, sorry to hear you are feeling the way you are. I just turned 40 and I too have been feeling really down on myself for a very long time but I never think about ending my life. In fact, I love waking up to a brand new day. I have a few friends and even play sports growing up but always had this alone feeling even then. Now, It's just that I don't want to face the people I see at work or anywhere else at that matter. I struggle with getting through the day. I only feel secure when I am at home or when I am in an evironment where I don't have to interact with anybody such as being at a movie. What helps me is pre-occupying my mind as much as possible with reading, or tv. I live with my girlfriend but we are very much apart on an emotional level. I don't feel right expressing my feelings for a man is suppose to be strong so I reserve my feelings. But this is my first time coming accross a website like this and i think since nobody knows who we are, then why not use these types of forums as a tool to tell all. Please use this forum to express yourself and try to find some comfort by knowing that there are others in this world with similar feeling and lets try helping eachother whether it be me or another member. Can you tell me how long you have felt this way? 1 yrs, 2yrs? or longer?... for me, it's been since i was a very young boy back in elementary. Please let me know how your really feeling... Link to comment
bulletproof Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 I never get any help in my counseling sessions because i cant ever talk about whats really bothering me. Do you mean that you don't feel comfortable talking about what's really bothering you, or the counselor won't allow you to do so? Therapy only works if you are honest. If you don't feel comfortable with this particular therapist, maybe you should try to find one that you like. It sounds a little bit like you are letting these diagnoses define you. Plenty of people live productive and happy lives with those diagnoses, but you do have to have the right med combo and a really good therapist who you trust. Also, perhaps there is a support group where you live for people with your diagnoses, and that might help you feel less alone. It's understandable that if you are alone and have nothing to do all day that would feed into the depression. Is there anything at all you would like to do? Even volunteer for an hour a day somewhere, take a class, anything? If you can start small, that might be a step in the right direction. Link to comment
lost6194 Posted February 21, 2011 Author Share Posted February 21, 2011 I have been feeling like this for a long time, since i was like 7 or 8. The reason i cant talk about these things with my therapist is cause its hard to just start talking about something so personal, i dont know. Something just holds me back from talking even though i want to talk about stuff so bad, i just cant do it. It feels like a weakness to show emotions like that. I just have so much bottled up that im so angry all the time. Im so tired of always being mad and i just get more mad because of that. Im losing my mind, and i cant think straight anymore. I dont even know how to explain how im feeling now. I feel like i cant breathe sometimes cause of everything goes through my mind. I feel like giving up. Listen, I cant live like this anymore, i have zero hope. The doctors cannot help me. Im never going to get better. Nothing will ever get better. My brain is tired, my body is tired, i dont want to live if i have to hurt this much. No one could ever understand. I feel stupid talking about any of this, cause i know im still gunna be alone and no one cares about me. They might be sad if i killed myself, but no one cares about me or who i am. Link to comment
Audrinaa Posted February 26, 2011 Share Posted February 26, 2011 What about family? Can you get any support from your family. If you are having trouble expressing yourself to your theraphist...try a different outlet to get all that anger out. What has helped me through some tough times is keeping a journal and writing down all my feelings. You need to get all that out. Try journaling. You mentioned that you are not working right now. You have too much to think and dwell on negativity and feeling bad. use your time to do something positive for yourself. Find something that you like to do. Do you like to read? Take a walk. A hobby? Even cleaning your place. Anything to get you through these bad moments. Please try. Write back. Link to comment
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