Please help - LDR

[Betty79]

My bf is posted out in Afghanistan, we have been together since last summer. He is not in the military but on a civilian contract to work out there until next April (2012). It was hard as he left not all that long after we got together but I knew there was something different about him and he felt the same so we agreed to give it a go and see how we got along. He get 3 weeks off to come home in every 10. He has just recently been back for the first time. We had the best time ever, spent practically the whole time together and went away on a lovely vacation, such good memories. Thing is he has been back a week and we were discussing when he would come back for good. It is supposed to be April 2012 which I think is just about manageable but now he is saying that if his contract was extended he would prob like to stay another year as the money is good and would enable us to be debt free and give us a good start. This would practically be double the amount of time i thought he would originally be away (3 years instead of 18 months)

 

I am finding it very difficult and really dont know whether I could stretch to that amount of time, neither of us is getting any younger we are both in our early 30s and I want to settle down and have a family with someone (prefereably him). I have told him all this and he wants it too its just he makes me feel like i am giving him an ultimatum either come back after 2 years or I will dump you. I dont mean it to sound like that and the last thing I want is to split up but I just dont know if I could do this for that long. Am I unreasonable? I just dont know what they compromise would be? Its so hard

[Tigris]

At the moment you're panicking over something that hasn't happened yet. In fact it might not happen in the future either.

 

It's possible in a few months time he could wish that he wasn't out there at all and at home with you. Don't forget the saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder".

[Betty79]

Yes I know it hasnt happened yet but I feel like i need to know when the end point is in this whole thing so I can work towards it and not have the goal post change all the time. I think I could do another 2 years at a push but not 3 but I dont want to lose him either.

[Betty79]

Can anybody else help please? I'm really upset at the moment, I don't want to keep nagging him about things but I need us to decide upon a date when he will come back so I have something to work towards. I don't want him to stay for the extra money. Am I being unreasonable?