she cheated on me and we are still together

[zam]

I am in a long distance relationship. She wanted to move in with me and i told her to be patient. she called me to tell me that she wants to break up with me cause she feels hurt. I told her that we needed to meet in order to take a decision. When we met she told me that she cheated on me with two different men one of them was her ex and that she was drunk the other one because she wanted and that he works in the same University. who knows if she meets these guys again I was deeply hurt . I told her that i asked her to be patient because i bought a house for us. She was happy about it ; we spend 12 days together discussing all the issues that went wrong; we communicated much better over all we had fun ,but she never mentioned any of her cheating again, and that worried me. . Now she went back to her country AND told me that she loves me more than ever and that she is happy to move in with me in the near future she wants to notify her boss of moving abroad very soon . I am sure she wants to do that. The thing she does not know is am i willing to forgive her, she never asked for it. PLEASE ADVICE URGENT I AM LOST.

Zam

[Serendipity1607307077]

She cheated on you man, I wouldn't forgive her.

 

You told her to be patient, because you were looking after other things, trying to make something of your relationship with her... and she went behind your back... that's not fair...

 

If you do choose to forgive her, then you will probably always be wondering if she is cheating on you still. You will find yourself being obsessed with worry that she is still cheating on you.

 

And you need to think of it this way - if it has been reversed, say, you cheated on her, would she forgive you?? Probably not.

 

Don't give yourself the pain man. I can tell you love her, but face it, youu don't deserve to be treated like that.. let her go..

[SteveNaive]

Well...sorry to contradict you, mein Kommandant...

 

I wouldn't just leave her like that because of what she did. I can understand that you are fairly hurt by what she did. However, it is up to you to decide, what you want. It takes an awful lot of power to forgive such a thing and you should ask yourself whether you can. I myself had a relationship where a girl cheated on me. I was hurt. I wanted to break it off. But in the end I didn't and it got better afterwards than it was before. Because she was thankful I forgave her. She realized how important our relationship was for her.

 

Your girl still seems to love you and still wants to be with you. However, there are a couple of issues between the two of you that you should adress before moving together. You really should talk to her about what happened, and why she did it and whether she feels sorry for it. You have to find out whether you still can trust her and whether your relationship is strong enough to get over this.

 

Talk to her and then make your mind up. You have to decide whether you want to go through this or not...

[2pac4live]

Hey zam,

 

I think you should just sit down and talk to her about it, try to leave the "heart" side of your self, by which i mean try to take the things on with your mind not your heart when you are talkin to her, that way it wont hurt you. It seems to me like shes just trying to forget about it without having to say sorry, the most likely reason for that is that she doesnt feel any guilt.

 

When/if you do confront her about it, DONT let your self fall for the crying "im sorry" thing and then her trying to change the topic. Most women that cheat try to make their man fall for their tears.(im sorry if im hurtin any females by saying this

YOU NEED TO MAKE HER FEEL IT, feel that you are hurt, i mean SHE CHEATED ON YOU!!!

By confronting her you will hurt her much, much less then she hurt you.

 

Maybe you need push her back a bit, slow down with the moving in, and wait until she DESERVES your love and trust. And, if you dont see any guilt or regret out of her...im sorry to say this, but i dont think she deserves you in that case...

 

In my opinion cheating is the lowest thing you can ever do.

 

CHeerS

 

Serge 0X

[zam]

Hi,

Well i confronted her about it and she felt so bad about what she did. She cryed a lot but i did not fall for that and asked her to tell me more about this situation. She told me that she was lonely hurt by not being with me and that i ignored most of the time which is true . She realized it was not her and she had never done anything like that before. She promised me and swore on her mom and brother and father that she will never do that again. She also told me that I was the man of her life and that she wants to spend the rest of her life me. I got to tell you it feels good to be in the strong position. I do care about her a lot and i could also tell her that it is over. What do you think?

Thank you so much for your help may god bless you all.

ZAM

[2pac4live]

Noone can choose for you, zam, but before you do (if you do) consider leaving her, think, feel with your heart, because if you do breake up, you might regret it for the rest of your life....and please dont let this over control thing of seeing your loved one admiting she was wrong take over you, that nilly led to a brake up with my baby gurl Though keep your self on the "higher ground", above the situation....

 

She seems sorry, however.

 

If i was you id just push away a bit, and let her know that your love for her is not as strong because of what she did, but dont over pressure her. At the same time show her that she still means a lot to you.

 

But im not you i suppose....

 

Hope this helps...

 

Regards.

 

Serge