I cheated

[Male]

I'm a guy, have been committed to a girl for 4 months now, and I just cheated on her.

 

First of all, this is the first time I've cheated on ANYONE. I'm 29 years old, and have had a few relationships that lasted many years, and never even cheated when the relationships were getting bad before they ended.

 

Second: I feel like crap. I know this will NEVER happen again.

 

I hate excuses; because I take full responsibility for my actions, but there are a couple extenuating circumstances I feel are at least partly the cause for my indiscretion.

 

1. After the beginning of our relationship, when sex was nearly every day, our sex life went from that to once a week, to nothing, back to once a week (where it remains).

 

2. I was drinking. (a horrible excuse I know, but it does have an effect.)

 

3. The girl, even knowing I had a girlfriend, was all over me, and I, like a spineless wimp, gave in.

 

I'd like to write more excuses, but I just don't have them. I feel like crap for doing it, and know it will never happen again. Feeling remorse immediately after, I told the girl to leave. (She even apologized.)

 

So, am I a dirty pig? Any advice?

[2pac4live]

Hey,

 

Well your not a dirty pig, but your excuses are pretty lame.....the only thing i could suggest is telling your girlfriend about what u did, n dont make excuses to her cuz she'll hate you even more....but you will feel better when you tell her. Though if you and her will get past this bump, your relationship will widen.

 

Hope i help in some way.

 

= BAD

 

0X t8k care

 

Serge

[Vincent]

Truth is, this is probably the least "p.c." answer you are likely to get, but it's honest.

 

Don't tell her, if you are completely convinced it will never happen again and you get yourself a spine and make sure you keep your word on it, there really is no gain in telling her.

 

You probably feel bad about it, no worse than she could make you feel if you did tell her, so the only thing you could possibly gain from it is hurting her and possibly ending the relationship.

 

As for "eventually" telling her, thats up to you, if you think you can keep it to yourself for the rest of your life, then do it, if you cant, then tell her.

[elite867]

I have to agree that telling her will probably make you feel better. Otherwise you will be living with a guilty conscious and it will eat at you, however, I can't promise you that she will stay with you afterwards.

 

Infidelity is pretty serious and it takes a very big heart to continue to love you after you have betrayed her trust. A friend of mine discovered her boyfriend had cheated and she left him and hasn't looked back for about a year now. Then again, some women take their men back, it just depends.

 

Telling her could mean losing her but I think it is better she find out from you and not someone else. If you do tell her, I would definitely not give her any excuses. I think that will make it worse, I think maybe stick with something like, "I made a mistake, I am sorry, I love you very much and I never want to hurt you."

 

Just stay strong in you affection for her but realize that she may never want anything to do you after you tell, but if you want to alleviate the guilt, I think that is a risk you will have to take.

[WishMistress]

I can't judge you, because I have done the same thing, not for the same reasons, but does not make it any better. I would have to say do not tell her because I am pretty sure that it will end your relationship. I think that you are a decent person that made a mistake, but try to not let it happen again.

[Rosa]

DON'T TELL HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I'm just putting myself in her shoes, and I would forgive you, but I would never forget, and it will most probably ruin the relationship...its only been 4 months or so, so it will be easier to let you go now, than if there was a 4year relationship in between, know what i mean?, if you are truly sorry, and you are not bluffing, then say your sorries with God, and let him take care of the rest, but just remember what comes around goes around, so don 't be surprised in the future if things don't work out your way.

good luck, and stop bringing bad karma into your life, its not worth it.

specially with all those STD"s out there...

[CherryGrl]

Gee I'm rather torn on this one. On the one hand, it was just one time, you're remorseful and you have no intention of ever doing anything like this again. So in that case, would I want to know if I were your girlfriend? I'm not so sure I would.

 

But I have another thought. Is your girlfriend going to find out from someone else? Is the OW someone your girlfriend knows? Do they have mutual acquaintances? How discreet is the OW? Have you told anyone else? Did you use protection? Might you be exposing your girlfriend to an STD?

 

If she might find out anyway, then I think you would better off to tell her, explain the circumstances and reap what you've sown. Sounds like you've learned a valuable lesson about cheating.

[Cecelius]

I think you either need to tell her or break up with her. She needs the right to choose who she is with.

[Male]

Is your girlfriend going to find out from someone else? Is the OW someone your girlfriend knows? Do they have mutual acquaintances? How discreet is the OW? Have you told anyone else? Did you use protection? Might you be exposing your girlfriend to an STD?.

 

The possibility of her finding out is slim to none. My girlfriend doens't know her, not even any mutual aquaintances. I didn't tell anyone else, and I used protection.

 

Seems to me most of the people who say to tell her give the reason to alleviate my own guilt. In my mind it would be one selfish action to alleviate my guilt from another one. I think I'll deal with the guilt, hopefully one day I'll get over it. I think it'll be better for us that she didn't know.

[JonnyG]

I would say that if u seriously sure it won't happen again, then don't tell her. It will hurt her alot. And the guilt that u will feel for some time is a good punishment for what u did. As its only been a 4 month relationship so far, this is more of a reason for just keeping it quiet. But, if it happens again, then to be honest, u should tell her, and ultimately, u shouldnt be with her.

 

Im glad u realise what u have done is so bad and openly admit how stupid and remorseful u feel, its better than a lot of people.

[tiger_lilies]

Why don't you ask yourself another question, why did you cheat on her in the first place? Perhaps you don't care or love your gf as much as you think if you were so ready to jump into bed with some fluzy!

 

In my opinion, you don't deserve your gf. I am not saying you are a bad person, only that because you 'gave into' your own selfish sexual desires, you don't deserve the loyalty that your gf is giving to you. You were thinking of only yourself, not your gf or how much this will hurt her as soon as she finds out.

 

I apologize if I sound mean, I am just so tired of cheaters, mainly because I was cheated on. So, I'm a slightly bitter.

 

Any yes, she will most probably leave you once she finds out.

[hurtabandoned]

I think that you should be honest with her. Like one of the above posts don't use the excuses-that will only make it worse and it will seem like you are not wanting to take responsibility.

 

Even though you used protection you still are putting her at risk for contracting std's. Condoms are less effective in preventing genital warts and genital herpes (Both of which have no cure). A condom is also ineffective against crabs. She needs to be aware of this before you have sex again. Let it be her choice.

 

Not telling her would be more for your benifit than hers no matter how you spin it.

[single30]

If you think you won't do it again. Don't tell.

Don't do it again.