confused63 Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 I recently sent the man I have been involved with for 6 yrs an email telling him that I could no longer keep playing his games(disappearing acts etc..)and that when he wanted to be with a real woman that cared about him and didn't play games, that after he figured his life out he could look me back up. When he responded two days later, he told me that had been preoccupied with his father just having a stroke. he closed out the email with "I'll be in touch, can't say when".... "Go on with your life, We will always have what we had".... Now from what other people have told me they feel that apart from him telling me of what happened with his father, that how he ended the email was directly related to the stress he's expeiencing right now. They also said that if this man really wanted things to end with us he would NEVER had said I'll be in touch, He would tell me he would be returning my house keys and coming to get his clothes none of which he even said. What does anybody else think? Do you believe that after the smoke clears surrounding his situation that he'll contact me again or should I just forget about all of this and actually move on with my life as though I never had anything with this man to begin with? Please help I am so confused. Link to comment
PaintWithLight Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 After six years, this is the response you get from him? I think things are over and have been for quite sometime. Or at least they are not at the level you had hoped for. Have you ever met his father? I am sorry, there is something deeply wrong here. If I had a partner of 6 years, I would want her with me as I dealt with a family emergency. Believe me, "I'll be in touch..." is about as lukewarm as it gets. Of course you should move on. What are you getting from this situation when he disappears on you and then sends a vague kiss off by email. Ouch. Link to comment
Circe Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 Really? People are giving you really bad advice. He could be telling you "I'll be in touch" so if he needs to look you up as a temporary plan B - or for some attention and ego boosting you'll be around. If disappearing is a habit with him - are you sure his father really had the stroke? Honestly - if you love yourself at all - move right on. Don't let this guy back. He doesn't care. You don't end a 6 year relationship like that because you are stressed. You don't skip out on your partner when your dad has a stroke and not tell them a word about it. He's either completely full of crap or he's very emotionally unavailable (in addition to being physically so when he disappears on you). I mean - this is the sort of thing that someone whose been dating another person for 3 months and doesn't care very much one way or the other if the r'ship works out does - due to the stress. Something is very wrong here - best thing for you is to move right on. Link to comment
hrtlsngl7 Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 Well, give it a little more time. If his dad really died, he's in pain. I broke up w/ an ex when a parent died and her grandma was dying(lived in another state, so I hadn't met them) I didn't know I just bailed. Our relationship lasted 6 years as well!!! She was broke up over Ambush him in person if need be,....unless you are in those STOOPID LDRs. Men don't share much of their feelings. Give it a little more effort else you'll be wining on this forum about how lonely you are and how hard it is to find someone like alot of us. Link to comment
confused63 Posted January 31, 2011 Author Share Posted January 31, 2011 Thank you for your response. His response really did catch me off guard. I never would have expected him to respond in such a way when all I was doing was telling him how i felt about not hearing from him in awhile. I feel that what I said was totally innocent given the fact I didn't really know what was going on. Was he right to respond in the feashion that he did after all this time and everything that has happened? No he wasn't. He was dead ass wrong. And if he really wanted me to move on then why didn't he tell me he was coming to get his things and give me my keys back? Someone else told me that he'll be back in touch when he wants some "action" in the bed. IMO I believe that "I'll be in touch" means exactly that. Yea for right now I have no other choice but to move on with my life BUT still IMO I will sooner or later will eventually hear from him. Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 He may have been preoccupied with his father's illness. But he could still have contacted you quickly to explain the situation. And if he has a habit of disappearing at intervals, it certainly doesn't explain any past absences. This kind of behaviour is just plain disrespectful to you and shows no regard for your feelings; which brings me on to my second point. You need to reflect on your feelings for him, not wonder about his feelings for you. How do you feel about him? Are you OK with being treated like this, and think you don't deserve better? Does it suit you in that you have a very hectic lifestyle and haven't got time to devote to a full-on relationship? Or would you be much, much better off with someone who acts as though they care about you, something which isn't going to happen while you're involved with Mr Elusive-booty-call here? I'm not advising you here, as it's a decision only you can make. But even if you decide to move on with your life and he does get back in touch, you are under no obligation to let him carry on using you. Link to comment
savignon Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 "I'll be in touch" and "we'll always have what we had" in an email after 6 years is not even remotely promising in my opinion. Keys and clothes are trivial details....the man can't bother to tell you his dad had a stroke and you think he's going to inconvenience himself about some keys or sweaters? I think your friends are trying to make you feel better rather than face a harsher reality. If it had been you in a stressful or sad situation, would you have blown him off for days, not even telling him about it? At your worst would it take you 2 days to get back to your partner of 6 years? Its a shame you'd even want to hear from him again. Link to comment
confused63 Posted January 31, 2011 Author Share Posted January 31, 2011 Maybe what you said it true. That enlight of what is currently going on he WON"T inconvenience himself over keys and some clothes BUT even with all that I would think that if he wants things to be totally finalized between him and I NEVER to speak again then IMO the right thing to do would be to rteurn my keys and retrieve his clothes from my house. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 After 6 years he doesn't even bother to call you up and tell you about his father's stroke! When you care about someone you notify them of events like this typically right away. It is a no brainer that if someone's parent has a serious health scare, while at the hospital close people such as partners, get called. He has only told you how long after the fact..and only because you got fed up with his silent treatment. The fact that he keeps disappearing on you without a word shows that he couldn't really care less about your feelings...he does what he wants, when he wants, how he wants. His comment to you was pretty much more of the same. He will choose when he wants to be in your life and when he doesn't. I would suggest you pack up his clothes and request a meeting so that you can give him your clothes and collect your keys. In fact, instead of collecting your keys you might want to just change the lock. Link to comment
savignon Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 Maybe what you said it true. That enlight of what is currently going on he WON"T inconvenience himself over keys and some clothes BUT even with all that I would think that if he wants things to be totally finalized between him and I NEVER to speak again then IMO the right thing to do would be to rteurn my keys and retrieve his clothes from my house. So is he the kind of guy to "do the right thing"? I think he's proven otherwise and it would be smart of you to move on without that particular form of closure. Donate his clothes to charity and either change the locks or be comfortable knowing he has the keys. You're trying to convince yourself that him keeping your keys means he doesn't really want things finalized with you "never to speak again". Maybe he'd rather keep coming and going as he pleases which is what he's been doing. That's not the same thing as a commitment but is the same thing that prompted your email where you alleged you wouldn't tolerate that kind of behavior. Link to comment
geekgirl4 Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 oh WOAH, I thought he was some guy you were dating for a short time. Treatment like this after 6 years is quite unbelievable. I like Savignon's advice. Link to comment
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