Is it unreasonable to not tolerate yelling at all?

[Happens4aReason]

Wow. It does seem that yelling is a deal breaker to a majority of the women here. I must note this in my next relationship I am a short tempered person. But on the other side, my anger is short-lived because I let it out as soon as I am angry.

 

Should check this behavior of mine. People tend to prefer guys who walk away and talk later when things have calmed down.

[StifledSavant]

When I was a teen my girlfriend yelled and hit me, pushing me to the point of manhandling her in return. When I realized what I was doing, I walked out and I never spoke to her again. I swore that I would never raise my hand to a woman again and I never have.

My next relationship was calm and I actually wanted her to fight with me more so I could know what she really wanted in a situation but she was docile and that was so comfortable to me that I stayed with her through any and everything... even her death.

My last girl often tried to get me to hit her. Again and again she fought with me over every little thing, trying to push me over the edge and even daring me to hit her. I controlled myself but it took a toll on me and eventually she drove my blood pressure to the point of bursting a blood vessel in my head. Again I left as quickly as I could and never looked back.

 

The point of my story is that just because a behavior may be normal for most other people, even normal for the people we love, it does not mean that you or any of us need to accept it. It's your relationship too! Believe me there are people out there who feel as you do, as you can see from the other responses here. I think, "what is the point of being in a relationship if someone is uncomfortable, or scared or could even die from the stress of it?" What kind of life is that for anyone to live?

[lilypadgirl]

Hmm, I guess I have to judge on a situation to situation basis.

 

I don't mind yelling (defined simply as raising voices) if it's a true, sincere expression of hurt and in the attempt to try to express themselves rather than with anger or the intent to be hurtful or abusive. For example if he feels that he isn't being heard and feels frustrated - as opposed to being angry and ready to hit something/someone.

 

I find yelling with true feelings coming out to be more ... real (for lack of a better word) ... than cold, sarcasm with the intent to be hurtful. I also find it to be more ... real (again for lack of a better word) ... than someone who is completely rational all the time.