Leona700 Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 My boyfriend hasnt seen his best friend of high school in 3 yrs. He told me they talk almost everyday on skype. I immidiatly asked him if he was bisexual and he got so offended he hung up on me. He said im putting down his manhood. Its just a got a gut feeling that that was weird to skype with a person everyday. He skypes with me once a week. Other signs he might be gay now that i look back: --He dosnt remember his elementary school crushes/middle school --Once in a while he will immitate how girls talk --He used to hold my purse cause it was too heavy for me to hold but im not sure if that was the reason or he liked holding it --Favorite sex position is girl on top then doggy style Link to comment
DN Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 I am not surprised he was offended. I think that was inexcusably rude. I also think your other reasons to think he might be gay are not valid. Link to comment
sunshine1 Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 How does ANY of that qualify as bisexual? He doesn't remember his crushes? big deal....or maybe he didn't want to tell you bc he thought it might cause conflict. He imitates how girls talk how? as a joke? He holds your purse? He's doing that as a nice gesture and that makes him bisexual? My boyfriends fave sex position is girl on top and then doggy style as well and he is definitely not bisexual. How long have they been best friends for? Link to comment
lukeb Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 It is completely normal for friends to be closer to one person in a relationship than the other. Just like here your bf is clearly close to his friend, and you are not part of that friendship, I have a feeling you are jealous, probably feel left out. You are just going to have to learn to deal with your jealousy, it should be OK for your bf to have friends, just like it is OK for you to have your friends. Some friends are mutual but it should be ok if they are not. Friends may fill in gaps in relationships, you can't be everything to each other. Link to comment
Leona700 Posted January 14, 2011 Author Share Posted January 14, 2011 I have had many friends who were gay and had girlfriends as a cover up. I always have that fear that a guy is gay and pretends to be straight. He just immittes women like "omg look at me" kind of thing. I dont know if hes joking. Hes not talking to me hes very hurt. He said I could do the worst thing in the world but you shouldnt put my manhood down like that. I feel awfull. To top it off i went on his facebook and talked to his best friend asking him to rate their friendship. His friend was like * * * you are my brother/family. Im losing my mind and he seems extremly turned off by me after I said that. My sister told me maybe hes hurt cause its the first time he reolized he might be gay. Anyways I guess i dont have an actual valid reason to assume that. Link to comment
DN Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 I would not really blame him if he did not want to see you again. He has a male friends that he doesn't see in person so he skypes with him and is accused of being gay. I don't quite see how your relationship can recover from that - nothing you can say will take it back. Don't be surprised if you haven't killed this relationship stone dead. Link to comment
Starrgrl Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 wow that's kinda offending. He's talking to his best friend, someone he prob knew longer than you so I don't see what's so shocking. It's not like he gives his best friend affectionate nicknames and goes gaga when he talks about him. lol. Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Sounds to me like you're either jealous (as you said he only skypes you once a week), or you're just looking for reasons to be out of this relationship. If it was option #2, you definitely found one of the best ways. That's very insulting IMO, I don't know how long it'd take me to recover from that. Link to comment
velvette Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 ok while what you said was fairly insulting, to say the least, if he's not homophobic he can probably laugh it off and move on. unfortunately it seems he's quite put off, so you'll need to do some coddling for his manhood. Other signs he might be gay now that i look back: --He dosnt remember his elementary school crushes/middle school --Once in a while he will immitate how girls talk --He used to hold my purse cause it was too heavy for me to hold but im not sure if that was the reason or he liked holding it --Favorite sex position is girl on top then doggy style 1. maybe he doesn't have any significant ones, or doesn't want to tell you 2. for fun? my bf does that! (imitates me most often, actually) 3. that's gentlemanly! my bf always does that. you sure do think of a lot of ulterior motives! 4. how's that gay at all??? if he was gay I imagine he wouldn't want to see your face/boobs (so definitely not girl on top! your boobs are just bouncing in his face like that). Link to comment
misssmithviii Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Agree with everything posted so far. I don't think your sister's point of view is very sound; and frankly, I don't think it's wise to constantly base things on her. Clearly your reasoning is irrational here, and I'm not surprised he was offended by how quickly you were to pin his own sexuality instead of trusting him. It's very offensive to those who are gay, to make such broad assumptions and stretched stereotypes. You need to apologize to him; no excuses or drawn out reasons, don't even tell him the things you've listed here - you owe him one. Link to comment
Mutlu Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 I agree with everyone so far, what you did to your bf wasnt the correct thing to do. You jumped to immediate conclusions about his sexuality and you didnt even take into consideration your relationship together. Clearly something has you paranoid, which is why you were talking about there being gay guys that use girls as a cover up. You also seem to be jealous that your bf talks this much to his best friend. I also talk to my best friend everyday, sometimes for hours, but does that make me straight? No, just like the relationship they have, my best friend is like family to me. In my eyes i see her as my sister, and your bf and his best friend see eachother as brothers. When you called him bi you showed his the lack of trust that you have, and that might also have caused him to hurt more. All you have left to do is apologize. Link to comment
pinkelephant Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 I think it's an overreaction on his part. If someone asked me if I were gay, I would just laugh and say no. The overreaction might be something to consider in my opinion. And what the hell does being gay have to do with manhood? The guy annoys me. Link to comment
DN Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 I don't think he over-reacted at all. The comment was clearly offensive. Link to comment
PaintWithLight Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 I don't think he over-reacted at all. The comment was clearly offensive. I agree that it was more than just the comment. She has a mental list that she complied as proof. Plus the recruitment of her sister into all this madness. There is nothing wrong with a bro-mance with a long time buddy. It is great that he has a long term male friendship. Most of the guys you need to avoid are guys without any emotional commitments. This is a very strange suspicion that you are harboring. Next you will be looking to discover if he has any Streisand cds..... Link to comment
Leona700 Posted January 15, 2011 Author Share Posted January 15, 2011 I can tell hes not that sexually experienced with women. He only had one girlfriend before me. He probably thought Im stating that hes not good in bed. He is an insecure person especially when other guys hit on me. He becomes very possesive. He and I have had so many issues in our relationship that I do expect the worst out of him sometimes. I never got a gay vibe from him but when he said to me he skypes with his friend everyday i was extremly taken back. I hope I can make it up to him. Link to comment
misssmithviii Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 Sounds like there are even more issues in this relationship, more so than just what has been posted I'm sure. Link to comment
True2Form Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 Sounds like there are even more issues in this relationship, more so than just what has been posted I'm sure. I completely agree. Leona700, you may feel like he is closer to his best friend than you, or something along those lines, and that might say more about your relationship with your boyfriend than it does about his sexual orientation. Link to comment
FathomFear Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 Unfortunately, we live in a society where it's socially acceptable for women to have close friendships with other women. They can talk on the phone all day, snuggle up on the coach, or even refer to each other as "their girlfriends". But if a guy were to do anything remotely similar his sexuality is put into question. Link to comment
JazzTheme Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 I would not really blame him if he did not want to see you again. He has a male friends that he doesn't see in person so he skypes with him and is accused of being gay. I don't quite see how your relationship can recover from that - nothing you can say will take it back. Don't be surprised if you haven't killed this relationship stone dead. Isn't this reaction a little strong? It's almost like you think there's something embarrassing about being bi. Link to comment
Leona700 Posted January 15, 2011 Author Share Posted January 15, 2011 Yes you're right on this one. We have no Trust in this relationship theres a bit of hate on my part. We have both cheated in the past, we have both lied but some things he did makes cheating and lyinng seem small. This man makes even white lies without a reason. I dont know why a person feels the need to make lies just so the conversation goes the way he thinks i want it to go. I honestly feel like i dont know this man and we have been together for the past 8 months. He says he wants to marry me but im not sure he understands the commitment of marriage. We broke up multiple times but we always get back together because we do love each other a lot. As bad as we want it to work i feel that the fact that we have lost trust on each other the relationship has become beyond repair. I feel very damaged by some of his actions and the fact that he makes lies just to get along with ppl makes me doubt the true person that he is. Link to comment
JazzTheme Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 Yes you're right on this one. We have no Trust in this relationship theres a bit of hate on my part. We have both cheated in the past, we have both lied but some things he did makes cheating and lyinng seem small. This man makes even white lies without a reason. I dont know why a person feels the need to make lies just so the conversation goes the way he thinks i want it to go. I honestly feel like i dont know this man and we have been together for the past 8 months. He says he wants to marry me but im not sure he understands the commitment of marriage. I think that if he wanted to use you, he wouldn't be thinking of marriage. There are a lot of guys who delay marriage because they don't have any intention of being in a relationship to make the woman happy. There are also people who tell white lies because they're white; it's more important to pay attention to what he's lying about. Link to comment
Leona700 Posted January 15, 2011 Author Share Posted January 15, 2011 And believe me my best friend is gay i have nothing against people and their sexual orientation i think everyone has the right to live life however they choose. My relationship with my bf is so deeply damaged that i assume the worst of this man even though hes been trying his hardest to make it work. I appriciate everyones imput because i despretly needed to know if im becoming paranoid. And seeing what everyone has to say makes me reolize that my relationship is very unhealthy. Link to comment
DN Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 Isn't this reaction a little strong? It's almost like you think there's something embarrassing about being bi.There is nothing at all wrong in being bi or gay. People's sexuality is their own business and no one else's. But it would be just as insulting to a gay or lesbian person to suggest that they are bi or anything other than what they profess (or that a bisexual is really straight or gay) - who are you to question their sexuality? It's incredibly rude. Link to comment
DN Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 And believe me my best friend is gay i have nothing against people and their sexual orientation i think everyone has the right to live life however they choose. My relationship with my bf is so deeply damaged that i assume the worst of this man even though hes been trying his hardest to make it work. I appriciate everyones imput because i despretly needed to know if im becoming paranoid. And seeing what everyone has to say makes me reolize that my relationship is very unhealthy.You seem to have a remarkable facility to downplay your own role in this relationship - his cheating is worse than yours? At least he doesn't indulge in such a low tactic as questioning your sexuality. Link to comment
misssmithviii Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 I think it's safe to say at this point, it's obvious neither of you are truly working towards having a good, healthy, stable relationship - which tells me that you two have most likely become codependent on each other and are only staying together because it's comfortable. I also think that with what you began this post with is very telling... this relationship is void of every foundation that makes a happy home. Sounds to me like you're both confusing love with stagnation and comfort and the fear to be without each other because it's a moderately safe bet since you both fall back on each other - you're both on each other's back burners, just there to be there; there to have someone, anyone. But you insulting him by not trusting his sexuality based on very normal examples compounded upon everything else you listed... this just makes me ask why are you two even together? Rebuilding a relationship after infidelity is incredibly difficult, and it requires 110% of both partners. That's not evident here. Link to comment
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