PrettyGood Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 I love my boyfriend so much. Yesterday we had a 1 year anniversary of our friendship. And he loves me the same. Currently he's renting house and live with his male friends in another country because of job contract. And there is another younger and very beautiful woman who calls him and often visits him boyfriend at his house. She brings them home-made cake and sushi and other food, she goes to smoke with my boyfriend and to talk in the balcony. She knows that I'm his girlfriend, but while I'm at the other country, I'm not a problem for her. He say he loves me so much and doesn't want to betray, but also he say that I'm too paranoid and jealous. Because he thinks that her behaviour is only as a normal female friend. What should I do? I don't want to loose him just because he doesn't see that she flirts with him and calls him a lot of times a day to tell him how the day is going to her. Link to comment
karvala Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 He's already told you what to do: don't act paranoid and jealous. That's the quickest way to send him into the arms of this other woman. There are only two things that decide whether or not he will cheat: (1) his integrity, and (2) how much he prefers you to her. You can't control (1) at all, so don't worry about that. You can control (2), and you can maximise your chances of staying together by being fun, loving, supportive, relaxed and all the other things that he already loves about you. In other words, you win in this situation by being better than the other woman, not by being more paranoid and mistrusting than her. It's a classic mistake, and here you have a chance to avoid making it. Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 if i read your other posts there are more issues in your relationship than this one...you break up with him, he breaks up with you, lots of drama... they are long time friends so don't be paranoid....LDR is hard, especially if you don't trust someone enough Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 My motto is, "If you can take him from me, you can have him." Link to comment
PrettyGood Posted January 6, 2011 Author Share Posted January 6, 2011 Karvala, your answer is best of the bests Thank you. And Scorpion Fury, I can't let to think myself like that. Maybe I'm some kind of perfectionist, but I can't let each women to take my man from me so easily. I think he's worth to fight, so I'll try not to be so jealous or judgemental, even if it's so hard, it's my emotional problem, you are right. Link to comment
The_Seeker Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 My motto is, "If you can take him from me, you can have him." Very good motto! Adding this to my journal thank you! Link to comment
MasterPo Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 My motto is, "If you can take him from me, you can have him." I love it! LMAO. I think I have new motto as well. Thanks! Link to comment
arcadefire Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 My motto is, "If you can take him from me, you can have him." I sometimes joke with my bf that he should be wary of other men trying to steal me. He says something on a similar vein, that if I leave him for another man, the other man should have me. Words to live by. Link to comment
Staple Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Umm, I love how you guys are saying "just trust him." My ex girlfriend used to tell me the same crap. She even emailed me when she was in another country having sex with another guy about how much she loved me and i'm the only guy for her. She used to say the same things, don't be paranoid, get angry, etc... Just saying. Be vigilant, not paranoid, but vigilant. Link to comment
Glowguy Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Umm, I love how you guys are saying "just trust him." My ex girlfriend used to tell me the same crap. She even emailed me when she was in another country having sex with another guy about how much she loved me and i'm the only guy for her. She used to say the same things, don't be paranoid, get angry, etc... Just saying. Be vigilant, not paranoid, but vigilant. This is spot on. The trust card is always brought out to justify bad behavior and blame shift to the innocent party. It is an extremely cruel tactic and is just a form of gaslighting. Of course you should trust your partner if their behavior is trustworthy, but don't be so trusting to the point that you are blind. He might be right that it is all innocent, but if you start to notice behavior changes and get the sense that something is wrong then go with your gut. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.