Anyone else use celibacy as their method of moving on?

[Boughs]

I've now had 3 long term ex-gfs. First one was a year, second one was two years and this just past one 3 years.

 

For the first one I tried celibacy afterward but I was in my first year of college... too much temptation as one might imagine. However, after my second long term relationship i did a 6 month stint of absolutely no sex and absolutely no masturbation. I recall the experience to be surreal and quite serene. It helped me readjust and removed pressure from the "is she having as much sex as I am?" to "I have my goal can I hit it?".

 

I primarily use it however as a time to respect the past relationship making sure I understood how good of a person she was. Gives me time to think and reflect. The other benefit is that I learn to not be a reckless-sex-hungry maniac! I fight the battle internally and don't harm others in the process.

 

And finally when I succeed, I feel accomplished and remind myself of self strength and determination. It is at that time I feel strong enough to make a step again and return to feeling the pleasures this world has to offer.

 

Currently I'm 1 week into my 6 month expedition. The first week has been extra difficult because I miss her and we broke up cordially... plus no masturbation to find some relief is difficult. But I remember the feeling after 6 months of nothing, how amazing it is to look back reflect and enjoy the future with an incredible enthusiasm I wish I could describe in words.

 

I just wonder if others do/feel the same?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Celibacy in order to move on should be something that comes naturally out of a sense of not wanting to bang random people just for the hell of it in order to try to forget an ex. Many people use sex as an artificial lobotomy in attempt to wipe their memories away after a break up. It shouldn't be a hardship to go without having sex with someone simply because a relationship broke up. There are other things in life besides sex that one can focus on. I would also not equate sex to being on a crash diet to lose weight which, I think is the kind of thing you are doing here. By forcing yourself to not have sex or even to masturbate and turning that into a goal, you are actually placing more importance on sex than it should be. There can be a happy medium where you can heal from the pain of a break up and still have sexual gratification by masturbation without dragging a third party into your pain by having random sex with others. It is good that you are refraining from sex with others while healing, and it is good that you feel good about it...but I am wondering if you should cut yourself some slack and allow yourself the outlet of masturbation.

[Boughs]

Thanks for the response Crazy.

 

I think it is obvious to abstain from any sexual interaction with the opposite sex after a breakup. I think they owe the other person a sense of respect. Circumstances obviously will make that statement vary but as a generality I think that's how things should go post breakup.

 

I should have just said "no masturbation" as that is certainly the primary thing that is removed for me. I am doing it for self control/self strength. Helps me retain power over my body in a sense. I don't need to be thinking about anything sexual at this moment, I need to reflect. I suppose that is how I fill that time.

[headwreck]

I have - I think it can help because whilst masturbation can be momentarily nice - it actually makes me feel lonelier and more depressed...like I'd ideally not be doing this by myself! In a weird way I think it brings me back to being a kid again when I didnt have any of these sort of complications.