A no contact question again.

[Double D]

My ex dumped me 6 weeks ago. I was floored. We have managed to stay in limited contact. I have not opened up all my emotions on her and I have not told her that I miss her and want her back. She hasn't really said much about the relationship either. Occasionally she will ask how I am doing and tell me she misses me but she's not sure we're meant to be together. She also says she's happy being single and selfish, doing what she wants to do and not having to worry about anything. Focusing on her career and stuff like that. We met up last Friday to take care of a cell phone bill. We at dinner and talked. She told me I looked really good and she kept staring at me, and even flirted with me a bit. I just held back and played Mr. Cool and confident. We are supposed to meet again this Thursday night to take care of some stuff for church. I want to try and work things out with her, but I don't want to ask her about our relationship for fear of being rejected again. I have not put my life on hold. I have met some other women, but have not gone out on dates with them yet. I probably will though, unless of course we somehow manage to work things out. I'm not sure what she wants, I miss her so much and want things back the way they were when we were happy together. I just need some advice on what to do and some stories of similar experiences. Is this just false hope?

[ItsNeverMe]

Dude,

 

Go out with the new women you've met. Let your Ex know about it. If that doesn't stir up any emotions in her, then it's time to let her go completely.

[theghost]

Dude,

 

Go out with the new women you've met. Let your Ex know about it. If that doesn't stir up any emotions in her, then it's time to let her go completely.

 

I'm not sure thats the way to go....

Try to meet girls, not many tho...

and if your ex asks, then tell her....don't just tell her your are seeing other people, also don't get to attatch to the new woman...

Don't sleep, or kiss this new girl....just go on a date or even better just hang out...

 

Only let your ex know about your new woman if she asks, if you tell her without her asking, you might look a bit selfish.

[Satch]

I'm in a similar situation, where my ex just 'fell out of love with me' for no apparent reason. I'm struggling with this because I never saw it coming.

 

Firstly, you do not want things back the way they were. The way they were caused the break up in the first place. Try and work out what went wrong in the relationship, and if anything was caused by your behaviors, work to fix them - only if this is what you want to do. Do not change for her sake, change for yours.

 

Secondly, if you really think that this girl is the one, then fight for her. This is what I have decided to do. Fighting for her could take many forms. Fighting could include telling her/writing her your feelings. Fighting could include giving her the space she needs to work through her own feelings and issues. Read the many posts on here which deal with subjects like 'how to get your ex back'. I hate to call these strategies, but they do contain some really sound advice if you want to have a chance.

 

Please let us know how you get on with your quest, if you decide to take it.

[Double D]

I've been giving her space. I don't call her up that much, she mostly calls me. She called me tonight and asked if I want to play tennis with her tomorrow. I called her back and then she said maybe if she gets home in time. I just said well whatever I won't wait around all night.

 

She is the girl I want to be with. I want things back the way they were when we met. I kind of saw all of this coming the last couple of months in our relationship. She had a lot going on, new job, bought a new condo, had some medical problems. All this stress on her. I gave her space then because she sounded like she didn't really want me around. When all of that stuff was done, she said she wanted out of the relationship.

 

Like I said it's been 6 weeks of limited contact. No discussions of the relationship. She did find out I went out on a friendly lunch date with a girl, nothing romantic. She flipped out and got a little upset, but she recovered, and now she seems to be calling me more. Weird.

[Satch]

Sounds like a very good sign to me buddy. One of the things about situations like this is if your ex sees that you are getting on with your life and dating others etc, it may spark feelings in her that she though had disappeared.

 

Looks like it may have.

 

I am really jealous. I am waiting for this to happen to me!

 

Good luck and keep us posted.

[Double D]

I hope things might be working out. The last thing I want is false hope. She hurt me very badly when she broke up with me. I still hurt now, and I still miss her a lot. I'm afraid that we may become close friends and she'll tell me she's seeing someone else. I guess I will be dating too, but I don't want that, I just want to be with her. I'm going to take things really really slow with her, it's going to have to be her decision if she wants to work things out, then I can decide if I want to accept her back again. There is no way things can go right back to the way they were. It will have to be baby steps. This is my plan at least, and if it backfires I will back at stage 1 again. I will be totally depressed and all that nasty crap again. I don't want to go through that again. I am scared about what might happen. At this point we are still broken up, and she may or may not want to be with me. What do you guys think?

[craigblitz]

Double D........ I was there were you are just a few weeks ago. She would contact all the time ask to hang out etc... this went on for a while, but to be honest for me it was way too hard to be just be friends. So I was honest and told her. If you can continue to be her friend and are ok with that do it. If you are not cool with friends, cut all contact. This is really a decision you need to make. Do not let fear or anything else make the decision. Good luck and keep us posted.

[Double D]

I don't know if she just wants to be friends. She never said we can just be friends, she never said I love you but I'm not in love with you. All she said was that she was not 100% sure of our relationship. She said if we are meant to be together, then we will get back together some day. I can sense that she still has feelins. If she says she just wants to be friends, then I will explain to her that I want more than that, and be done with it. I guess I'm just holding on for a string of a chance to work this out.

[Mines a black coffee]

I know the feeling, when you have hope you may get back together you do not heal as such, and if you eventually find out she does not want you back you feel just as bad as you did when you initially split.

 

Having said this, LET'S HAVE A POSITIVE. To me, you are in the driving seat. Play it 'cool' as they say, I honestly wish you all the best, Let us know.

[Double D]

Thanks for all the input

I am meeting up with her tonight to go over some stuff with church. We made these plans before the breakup, but we'll see how it goes.

[Double D]

I went over to my ex's to discuss some stuff. We ended up talking, she started flirting a little with me. She then asked if I wanted to spend the night. I did. I won't go into detail but use your imagination. Later that night she said she couldn't sleep and said that I could go home if I wanted. I decided to stay. The next morning she cuddled up with me and said she felt guilty. She said that this doesn't mean we're back together. I told her that I didn't think we should be back together. I think it sort of threw her for a loop. We got up and she got ready for work. On our way out she gave me a hug and then a big kiss on the lips. She did this twice. I think I am just going to play it slow, I told her I would see her on sunday. I think if I just keep giving her space and not try to rush things it may work out someday. What do you think?

[craigblitz]

Man that is tough...... She still feels strong enough about the break that she doesn't want to get back together, but has enough feelings with you for a romp in the hay???

 

Well the only thing I can say is make sure no matter what you stay happy. If you are cool where things are then keep it going. If you find yourself getting upset, anxious, etc then take a step back. Right now everything should revolve around what you want. I would keep living live as a single man and see what happeneds...

 

Man tough tough tough......Good luck and keep us posted