I'm still Here... Still Stuck :(

[robert7x]

It's been over 3 months since we broke up... Dated for 2 years... I kept going on NC, then after a while, I cave. After everyone telling me ignore her, block her, all that... i still cave and i know it'll hurt me.

 

I've been on NC for 2 weeks... I actually felt great. For the first time, saw a girl I could date... she looked awesome... I Guess the reason i liked her is because she was so similiar to my ex. I went out with her on a date and it was ok... nothing special. I guess my expectations were high.

 

2nd date, I saw this girl is not for me... All she had were her looks, nothing else. No purpose for life... absolutely nothing. I was so disapointed in myself and in life in general. I started thinking about the ex...

 

I went out to this place where we used to go together, and guess who showed up. Man I just went back to square 1. I was doing so good, but I just lost it all. Now... here I am again.

 

I was in so much pain yesterday, the emotions running wild, the fear of unknown... Afraid i'll end up alone. Kept thinking about when I went out how there was nobody i was remotely interested in anymore... God!

 

I hate this! I don't know what to do anymore! New Year is around the corner, we used to always celebrate it together... Now... it just sucks! I'm loosing it, I swear I'm loosing it slowly.

[ForumGuy]

Hopefully you will find the strength to resist before long. Going to where you used to hang out was setting yourself up for heartbreak. I think I remember some posts from you a couple of months ago. You have alot going for you right? Someone will "catch" you one of these days man, you're only 28. Don't worry about the "afraid I'll end up alone part", ain't gonna happen.

[robert7x]

Yeah... a lot going on for me... No interest in any of it yet again. Thanks for Reply bud. I know i made a mistake of going to that place... It was a setup for a heartbreak big time. As much as I know NC will help me heal, I just can't help but feel the need to reply back to her or answer when she calls. The time when i put her number on ignore, was the time when i actually felt good... but the reason i felt good was because i saw there is interest in me by other girls.

 

Now, these 2, 3 girls I dated... I saw that they are not for me... I was just not interested in them at all and we had nothing in common... nothing that would make it work. I didn't want to go through that... I didn't want to lead them on either. My ex is not perfect by no means... She's actually not that great either... but I keep having her on this peddestal because of the 2 years together.

 

It sucks big time when you are at this emotional stage... anybody could crush me like an ant right now.

[GotMyLifeBack]

Three months still isn't that long. Sometime you're just going to have to put one foot in front of the other and force yourself onward. You've got a long life ahead of you. You're in the process of shaking loose of your ex. Give yourself credit for the progress you have made, and don't let up. The negative feelings are all part of the healing process. Neither fear nor encourage them - feel them, and move on as you are ready.

[derroax]

What's this with ending up alone? Unless all women in your city suddenly died of some epidemic, you will meet someone. Sorry to break it to you, but it's true, you just can't avoid it, no matter how hard you try, you will meet someone, just like you met her. The "when?" is up to you. Take your time to heal through this. It's ok to feel what you're feeling, accept your emotions and focus on yourself, on setting some goals for yourself and whereas it's ok to wallow, it's also ok to get out of it, and make some changes.

 

Of course you're used to doing a lot of things with her, and the fact that you're going through this during the holidays season is no help. This is a time to be with family and loved ones, and it's extra tough. The fact that at one point you were doing well, shows that you CAN live without her (you did it for 26 years before meeting her, didn't you?), and that you can even have a good time. It's ok to allow yourself to be sad - it's natural, you've lost something - and at the same time, there are some reasons why your relationship didn't work and why you two broke up in the first place.

 

I do also think that ignoring and blocking her might be a good idea; the purpose of this is not to erase the last 2 years from your mind, but to allow yourself to heal without being constantly reminded by her. This is a time to focus on yourself and moving forward, rather than looking back. You can get in touch and at one point perhaps even become friends, but don't torture yourself with this now. The less strain and extra pressure that you put on yourself, the sooner you will be able to move on.

 

The unknown CAN be scary but you know what? *Everything* is unknown when you look into the future - and now, looking back at all the once unknown things to you, what can you say? Did they kill you? No, they made you what you are today, a caring, good and reliable guy who can commit to a relationship and is very mature and aware of what is going on in his mind and in his heart. That's pretty amazing in my books, so I'd say that the unknown is not all that bad.

 

Allow yourself to be sad, but spend more of your energy on the future and on your goals. You are the only one who's responsible for your own happiness, just like she is for hers.

 

Maybe this won't be the best New Year's you've ever spent (and then again, who knows?!) but you can be damn happy next year looking back at all the things you've gone through. Remember, from here, things can only get better.

[robert7x]

Thank you very much... That was something i needed to hear.

 

One of the things that's really getting me down the most is that I can't forgive myself. I know that the relationship ended because she didn't want to be with me anymore... It wasn't my fault that much... maybe 20%... but I keep blaming myself for it. "If only I did this" or "If only i didn't do that". I can't forgive myself for loosing her. I can't let her go. The thought of her with someone else is killing me inside... I know it'll happen sooner or later... but I wish I never find out.

 

I blame myself for everything and everybody that knew us knows it's her not me. Yet, My damn mind will not see it like that... It's being too damn hard on me.

[robert7x]

New Year is just around the corner... God I wish 2011 brings me peace of mind. I need to find a damn hobby or something that will occupy my mind enough so I don't go nuts thinking about her constantly. The mornings are back... those threadfull mornings when I wake up and the reality hits me. I can't believe I always end up choosing the wrong girl. I wander sometimes... how do some of my friends go from girl to girl without feelings, without any remorse afterwards... I can't even have sex with a girl unless I like her.

 

Boy did my parents do a number on me... A woman trapped in a man's body.

[cr1969]

What's this with ending up alone? Unless all women in your city suddenly died of some epidemic, you will meet someone.

 

Ha Ha , love this derroax . Its true though & i think we're all the same when the BU aftermath kicks in. Self doubt & bleak , bleak thoughts mess with your head when your not thinking straight anyway & not in a happy place.

 

But just like Robert Neville .... I AM LEGEND.

[cr1969]

& robert7x , if you think you're going through this alone , then read my recent thread . All the similar feelings of loss are felt by us all here at one stage or another. There's nothing wrong with being emotional , it just shows we are capable of feeling. Just that it hits you hard when things like this happen.

[hulk7280]

New Year is just around the corner... God I wish 2011 brings me peace of mind. I need to find a damn hobby or something that will occupy my mind enough so I don't go nuts thinking about her constantly. The mornings are back... those threadfull mornings when I wake up and the reality hits me. I can't believe I always end up choosing the wrong girl. I wander sometimes... how do some of my friends go from girl to girl without feelings, without any remorse afterwards... I can't even have sex with a girl unless I like her.

 

Boy did my parents do a number on me... A woman trapped in a man's body.

 

ever tried going to the gym?? that does wonders.. plus lots of girls to stare at

[Wildflower88]

You cave cause yur still holding on to that hope..that maybe this phon call will be it...maybe this text will solve everything. You have to stop thinking that way. Acceptance is your friend I promise. Just keep pushing..keep fighting...keep going...dont give up I promise at the very moment you dont think you can take it anymore you will be over it

[robert7x]

Last night... She called me and we talked about us... I got my Closure... not what I wanted to hear, but It's the truth. She wishes everything could be like it was in the beginning, but she doesn't feel like that towards me anymore. She was misserable in the relationship, "depressed" (yet never wanted to talk to me about anything)... She is confused, doesn't know what she wants, has no goals... But, she does know one thing: "I can't get back together with you now".

 

Well, I guess that's it. I told her then to please stop contacting me... If there is no chance of us reconciling, then there is no point of us talking. I wished her well in life and said GoodBye.

 

I'm crushed today yet again, but It's the New Year and I believe I will survive this as well. I love that girl so damn much and knowing she's out of my life completely is devastating.

 

Now I have to start healing for good... NC is inevitable. I will not contact her no matter what... I've been stuck in this limbo for 3months and I can't do this anymore. The only thing that is still going to be hard is going out... We live in a small community and go to the same places out on the weekends... All my friends do. I'll just have to imagine like she's not there... and go on with my life.

 

I pray to God, this New Year helps me get over her... Since getting back together is non existant.

[robert7x]

I failed again! Even after she said she won't contact me again... she did... I answered! Got nowhere... Now Again, starting over!

[Jewels7]

Don't beat yourself up! Just try to remember how awful you feel after every contact. Write it down in a journal. Every time you see a text from her or anything like that go back and read the journal so you won't be tempted to talk to her.