Is it my fault?

[mercurydreams]

I need advice. Several years ago, I was raped. It went on for a year and a half, and a lot of things happened that I am very hurt by and ashamed of. Part, including being forced to preform sexual acts on a dog and have them done to me.

 

I told my boyfriend all this and several months later, he asked me to get licked by a dog. I told him no. He knew what it did to me. I kept saying no but it ended up happening anyways. Several times in fact.

 

The last time, he kept asking me to and I said no. I have trouble saying no to him. Then I said I trust you enough to do what is good for me.

 

The hard part is, that as much as I didn't want it, I sort of liked it. Then after I felt horrible. Suicidal and self injuring.

 

But anyways, the last time, after I said I trusted him to do what is good for me, first he said no. But then he kept bringing it up. And he wouldn't talk about anything else. I asked what you are thinking about. And he goes honestly? And I go yeh. He goes I am thinking about you getting licked and stuff. So I said you really want me to? And he goes yeh. And then I did it.

 

I didn't want to though. Then recently I told him I viewed it sort of like rape... I mean it isn't but it feels like it to me. I don't know why he did it when he knew how bad it hurt me.

 

So is this my fault then? Am I just some sort of sick dog wh*re?

 

We were talking about it and he goes the last time when you offered I was just so horny I couldn't control myself. So then I ended up saying I was sorry that I said it felt like rape, when I was the one who wanted it.

 

Who is to blame here. Am I just wanting it? Or did he sort of make me. I mean he never held a gun to me or held me down and made me. But I always do what he says, and I just can't say no. I mean I told him no I hate it and he know what it does to me... But in the end I always do it.

 

So anyways what do you think?

[Duderanomi]

Go see a therapist.

Stop the dog thing.

Dump your boyfriend he's a sicko.

That's all for now.

[mercurydreams]

I have stopped. last time was several months ago. Only times I ever have done it is when I was forced, or when my boyfriend pressured me into it.

[kdreger]

You need to dump your boyfriend and stop having sex for awhile.

 

While you're being celibate you need to both start reading about rape and molestation as well as see a therapist.

 

Children or young adults who are raped experience complicated emotions, which have a detrimental effect on their sense of self. Guilt, self-hatred, pleasure and confusion. Now add to that a boyfriend who obviously is (like the prior poster stated) a sicko and it's a self-destructive mix. Without a doubt you are only saying yes to your boyfriend because of your past rape/molestation. If you were in a healthy sexual relationship you wouldn't be doing it.

 

You know what you feel - be true to yourself.

[ComputerGuy]

He is emotionally blackmailing you and, ultimately, raping you. I know you don't want o hear that, but what he is doing is very wrong. You need to get out NOW. Hes is raping you.

 

What's worse is that instead of being there for you and supporting you when you told him about your past, like someone who "loves" you is supposed to do, he used it against you.

 

There is nothing wrong with you, you have been abused, both physically and mentally, and because you have strong feelings for him and trust him, you feel it's OK. It is not OK, he is manipulating you. He is the sicko not you.

 

You have no reason to feel ashamed, you have done nothing wrong, you are a victim of some sickos mindgames and twisted sexual fantasies. As I said get out NOW.

 

You need to see a rape counsellor and discuss it with them, and if you feel confident enough, you need to go to the police, because what he did is very wrong, and he may do it to someone else.

 

I'm so sorry to hear that you have been put into this situation as tyou sound like a nice and trusting girl, and don't deserve this at all. I commend your courage in coming on here to seek help, god that must have been hard. I hope everything works out.