On again Off again and finally waking up

[Nappyloxs]

Okay, I haven't posted in a while. But I figure it was time for an update. A quick rundown of my story (you can always check my screenname for the complete story).

 

Ex and I got together in March, 2007. We moved to a new city accross the States a year later. We basically lived together immediately after meeting. Broke up for good in August 2009. Attempt recon in December through July of 2010, when she was breaking up with me every week.

 

Since July I have been doing pretty well. We had a few on-again-off-again weeks. Where after a few days, she was done again.

 

So in November, I emailed her drunk. I was actually in a good mood and doing well at the time. So she called the next day and like a fool I went over her house. Well to make a long story a little shorter. She had been dating a guy for the past two months and she suspected that he was still messing with his ex. (He is a co-worker of hers). Well, she started by lying to me. Saying she had only been on one date with him and then it turned into two months. I had my guard up. I even told her I was the rebound for the rebound. About a week into us talking, we got into. I actually was calling it off. Then she became her sweet self and said she really wanted to make it work this time. That was the Sunday before Thanksgiving. So the Wednesday before Thanksgiving went like this. In the morning, she invites me to her company holiday party. A few hours later, she disinvites (I know it isn't a word), saying her coworkers don't want me to go and she doesn't want me feeling uncomfortable. Another call about how she picked up wine for txsgiving and was spending the night. Another call a few hours later, how she finally told her parents we were talking (and supposedly told them everything since she denied to them that we have talked since last August). Then a text saying she wants to be single again. I flipped because I actually believed that she was serious about working things out. So thxgiving comes and my mom is in town and knows the whole story. My mom invited her over without me knowing at first. What made it worst was that she told me she had nowhere to go on thxgiving (but later said she never told me that). Well, she didn't even return my mom's call or text. To me, that was very disrespectful.

 

Fast forward to recently. I went on a date recently, but really did not feel myself. What was worst was I was still constantly thinking of my ex. and even sent her a few emails. No response.

 

Well, yesterday was my birthday. Even this weekend. I did not have anyone to do anything with or on my actual birthday. I ended up just tagging along with a friend for his little birthday gig.

 

Yesterday, was the final straw you could say. I am normal a super outgoing and friendly person. Since moving to this new city a few years ago, I did not meet a lot of people, especially single people, because of her. I devote my time to her and the friends that I did have she did not like. Since we broke up last year, I still made much if not all of my time about her. I went out and met people, sure. But she was always in the back of my mind so I never felt really free.

 

A lot of good has happened in my life the past year and a half. She hasn't been there to share any of it with me or even congratulate me. (No happy b-day). As I was sitting there, literally depressed last night, I realized I am never going to allow another evening like that happen again, especially on my b-day.

 

I know I have said it a thousand times on here before that I am done with her. But yesterday, really made me realize I am missing out on my life and combined with the last time, she just isn't worth it anymore. I have way too much going on for me to allow her to be the one thing that keeps me from being happy. I'm good-looking, successful, good career, healthy, own a home, kid-free, and in my prime (31). I was so bogged down with the past and thinking that we were meant to be and wanted to get married and have kids. I forgot that there is another course that can lead to something better without her and I don't need to rush the whole family stuff especially with someone who isn't the one.

 

It was funny, my love horoscope (yes I checked it) yesterday, said to just let go and let things happen natural and the results will be better. I think I am going to actually follow that advice this time around.

[coolchick64]

Yes, good for you! I think realizing how much this on again-off again stuff has held you back from living a full life is a big, positive step. She shouldn't be jerking you around like this, but you don't have to wait for her to stop---you can put a stop to it right here and now!

[GotMyLifeBack]

What is true for all of us: no matter how much we believe our ex is the "one" for us - even if we're right - it takes two. And whether our ex gave up once or a thousand times, the result is the same: we cannot have a relationship with someone who doesn't want us.

[Nappyloxs]

Coolchick. You are right. Its definitely time to stop. One of my guilty thoughts is that one day she will come back and I can tell her I moved on. It funny because I have been saying for months I am not losing anything. She is the one who lost a guy who truly loved her. What did I lose? A girl who dumps me every few days etc..... The thing I have learned is that she truly isnt happy in her own life. Probably why she takes so much out on me. But no more. I didn't take my troubles out on her. One thing I learned through this experience, and I knew long ago, is that the "one" would not do the crap she has done over and over again, and certainly not for a year.

 

Gotmylifeback: one saying I have heard on here is that it takes two to be in a relationship and one to end it.