Why do we go on?

[StarNoStar]

I can't work this life out anymore we go from day to day suffering and for what? If your depressed or suicidal your seen as weak.

Notice how theres never anyone there when you need them? but when they want the smallest of things they expect you to drop everything and run. Never mind that you wanna end your life because thier small problem is obviously more important! I'm sick of living for other people, I'm sick of giving all my love and being nice and sweet to everyone only to be hurt.

I can't go anywhere without people looking down on me like Im worthless yet I'm always the one that is there to help anyone. Ex bfs have really hurt me! Stole from me, used me, even used a ring that I bought to get engaged to someone else! What a lovely surprised that was and he looks at me as if I'm supposed to be happy for him! and other stuff..

Yet all I really want to do is love someone so much! I've never had a guy say they love me and I've never had any real friends that didn't f*ck my life up! I've gone through so much for them.. even risked my life to save one of them! Everyday of my life seems to be the same and I can't see my way out of this! There was a guy that I really liked and although he shows that he likes me I bet he doesn't love me or never will I'm proberbly just another chick to him, yet all I wanna do if have fun and love him and get him through his problems so today I'm trying to forget him and get him out of my head.

I have no friends anymore. I moved away from them to start over and my life started to get alot better and then I had panic attacks and depression (I took paxil for it and it made me feel worse) and depersonlization (which feels like your in a dream all the time, floating out of your body and like your watching your life on tv it is the scariest thing I've ever gone through) So I haven't made any new friends in 4 years! Only on the internet and I haven't had a bf in 4 years either. I'm still unemployed and working for nothing in a job I hate! I really want to do something with my life. Everytime I've felt suicidal I try my best to carry on! Theres been so many times when I just want to end it all. I really don't understand why I'm alive.. I had no life, friends, boyfriend, I only have my parents, everyone seems to use and abuse me. I can be pretty, funny and smart if I try, but no one ever seems to see the good side of me. It's like everyone hates me!

I don't know what to do anymore, but doctors just want to give you drugs and get you out of thier way, my parents just bring up how I let me ex best friends ruin my life and don't help at all and I'm so sick of being lonely when I know that I can be a good girlfriend to someone because I'm not the type to use anyone or cheat on them and I'd love them with all my heart. I wish so much I could find someone that loves me the way I love them.

[ravens_folly]

Please don't end it.... DId you know that no matter how bad your life seems, there is someone out there worse off than you?

 

Just because you have no job, or seem to have friends at the time.... you probaby have a roof over your head, food to eat and a bed to sleep in. You probably aren't raped everyday, or beaten, or burned, starving, stuff like that.

 

I'm not trying to make you feel bad, but there are places were that happens to people everyday. People who are slaved out. People with diseases so bad they can't walk, or talk, and suffer enormously.

 

I know what its like to have friends who aren't even close to as good a friend as you've been to them. You just have to say to yourself, their loss. As it is.

 

If your having trouble finding real friends, think about where your looking to try to find these friends. Bars, clubs, social drinking places??? If you want to find people who are real friends, try looking at places where people volonteer to help others, or a garden club, or dog obedience club, or some kind of constructive place. THere are good people out there. There are people who will be real friends, you just have to find them.

 

Same with men, there are good men out there, they are harder to find, but sometimes in those cases you need to lose one standard to gain another. Not always the best looking men are the best ones. Not always the richest men are the best ones.

 

You'll be alright. Whenever I'm feeling down, and that my life sucks, I think about what I do have, and that what I do have is WAY more than a lot of people have. So life can't be all that bad.

[ComputerGuy]

I don't know you but I'm sure you're a very beautiful woman and based on what you have said about yourself always helping and risking your life for your friend, I would have to say quite an amazing woman as well.

 

I know it sucks some times, and I know it feels like there is no way out, but there is, and it's not suicide. I've been in a position before where I have gone to slash my wrists and my best mate seen me, run in and punched me fair in the head, the force of it knocked me out and I dropped the knife, but knowing that someone put themselves in a position where I could hate them just to save me showed me that people do still care.

 

I don't understand why some guys are users and all they want from women is sex. I, personally, could never do something like that, and I know a lot of my friends are the same. Unfortunately a lot of guys are, and if, like I presume has happened in your case, you manage to end up with a string of w**kers, then it can destroy your faith in men all together.

 

Don't let this get you down, you deserve more than you could possibly think, and when your not expecting it, I'm sure someone who will love you and worship you in every way you deserve to be will come along.

[Princess777]

I agree that you are an amazing, beautiful woman. You are depressed right now and depression can ruin your life if you allow it to. While going through your day, think of everything that you do in life as choices instead of things that you HAVE to do. For instance, the job issue.....most likely, no one is forced to work. You do it because you want money to provide for yourself and for others. You do it because you choose to pay your bills, etc. Everything is a choice. If you believe this, you will feel a lot more empowered and not so helpless.

 

Right now, you are suffering from hopelessness and you have a choice whether to continue that or to break free from this dis-ease. You are not at ease with life, temporarily, and you do not have any faith at this moment. But you are the only one who can control your life, no one else. You shouldn't blame others for your misery, because this only leads to more hatred and anger and bad feelings that will manifest in your body as disease later. Let this anger out, go through a grieving process and then make the right choice to turn your life around... no one is going to do it for you. We cannot rely on any outside source to fulfill us, and that includes a man. At the end of the day, you have YOU. So taking care of number one is the most important thing you can do.

 

Take care of your spirituality, your body, and your mind. Try meditation or yoga, etc. to help you ease into a new way of life, which is to live day to day, taking each day at a time, and making the most of life, which is your gift. Be at peace with who you are and the wonderful qualities that you have. Be thankful for all the good things in your life and don't focus on the negative. It will rule you if you allow it to. Distance yourself from the people who hurt you by setting personal boundaries, and stick to them.

 

Finally, know that you can come here any time and vent, cry, or ask for help getting through your days. It helps me every day to come here, as it does a lot of others.

 

We're with you!

[JT]

I can totally understand where your coming from. Im 27 and have my fair share of pain, depression, both clinical and seasonal, from relationships and just out of the blue. I truly want to end things sometimes as well. One week I"m fine, the next I'm not. I get sick of the mood swings. I understand completely where your coming from. I guess the advice given to you by the other posters is good... Try to expand your social circle. For me, I've tried that only to end up back in the same place. For me to end thigns would be more understandable than for you to end thigns.. you cannot give up without putting up a fight.

 

I understand what you mean by "living for other people." People often say sometimes suicide is "selfish." My gut feeling is that those who call suicide selfish are indeed selfish themselves. If you think about it.. what gives them the right to make you stay alive? Why can they not honor your decision to do what you think is best for yourself? Do they honestly know what is going through your mind and the pain you endure? Often times the depressed suicidal one will reke havoc on those who are trying to help. I wish these indvidiuals would sometimes understand.

 

For me, my grandfather committed suicide and it was almost a blessing. He was very depressed, grouchy, and was a real burden to the family. He tried to correct his depression but was unsuccessful. In some cases condoning sucide is indeed the only way.

 

I suggest at your young age you try to correct your problems with trying different approaches, like the ones listed above. If you are unsuccessful.. try try again. You have your whole life ahead of you.

[stolenshadow]

I'm sorry to hear how you feel, I feel the same way and often ask myself if it'll ever be worth it to have spent so much time against the wall.

 

I can only say that so long you stay here in this world there's a chance for things to get better, with the other option it's the end of it all, no more chances to see what could have been and of course, in a way, all what we already went through is sent down the tube.

 

Also, maybe the medication you are taking is not the right one, 1 in 3 is correct, talk to your doctor and see if something else makes you feel better, depression shouldn't be ignored and there's no reason to suffer either.

Good luck.

[PiN CuShIoN]

Why do we go on?

Because we are stupid