in love with another

[raven]

i have been married for 8 years and i do love my husband, but i am having an affair with a man i work with.

he was hired about 5 years ago and at first i couldnt stand him, but over time we have become great friends and the attraction began about 3 years ago. mostly just serious flirting all day long at work. then we started doing things afterwork and the evening would usually end with me trying to push it to something sexual.

at the time he was not married, but i was and he did not want me to blame him for letting things happen so he would push me away. i was so attracted to him that i didnt care what the consequences were, i just wanted to be with him. this went on for about 6 months and then i told my husband i wanted a divorce, this was about a year and a half ago.

i was going to leave him for this other man, but i didnt tell him that was the reason. we had grown apart for some time and even though we loved each other, we had so many problems that there really wasnt much of a marriage going on. also at this time my friend and i ended up spending the night together and it was incredible. then my friend decides that he doesnt want to be the reason that i leave my husband and so the next thing i know, he is going out with this other girl that i knew he had been attracted to for awhile.

i was hurt but what right did i have to say anything since i was the married one? i had to make a decision and i decided that i didnt want to be alone so i decided to try to work things out with my husband, after all i do love him, just not like i loved my friend.

 

then the shock came... my friend called me one night to tell me he got her pregnant but that he still loved me, i swallowed my hurt and anger and told him that i loved him and that i wasnt disappointed in him(though i was) and that i supported him......then he married her, and didnt tell me about it till after the ceremony. he said he didnt know how to tell me.

his whole life changed within a year of us being together. i was so hurt...i thought about him day and night, my heart ached. at the same time i had to put up a front to everyone else. i would find time to be alone to cry.

i decided i had to accept what happened (afterall i had no choice) and worked on my marriage and pushed all thoughts of him from my head, eventually it got easier.

 

about four months ago he instant messages me at work and asks me if i ever think about that night? i was floored, i had pushed it all from my mind and he was bringing it up out of the blue. the next day at work i asked him if he asked me that because he enjoyed the memory, or because he wanted to do it again, and he said both. i had gone on vacation about a month before and he said that he missed me so much and that was when he realized he still had feelings for me.

i still loved him, and in less than a week we spent the afternoon together and it was incredible, each time has been incredible since.

so here i am, four months later having an affair with a married man that i am in love with and living with my husband who i love, but am not in love with.

does anyone have any advice? please dont tell me to end the affair, i dont think i can.

[calibabe007]

Hi Raven,

As most would sit here andd judge you, im not going to do that and if i sound like i am please forgive me. Everyone screws up,Makes mistakes but have you ever heard a mistake is only bad if you didnt learn from it. Now this is a very difficult problem. First I have to say that having an affair is wrong! When making you wedding vows you dedicated you life to your husband. Now that that was astablished, what i think you should do is try and save you marrige. It can be done if you want it to. I know you dont wanna hear this, but you have to put distance between you and the guy your sleeping with. You need to get couseling and fix the marrige. If all fails then divorce is an option, but i dont believe in it. You married him you stay with him. But if you do decide that then its better than staying together and being unfair and cheating. As i said before i am not trying to be judgemental, just trying to help. I would love to talk with you and if tahts something you would wanna do email me at email removed

Remember, you made a vow, KEPP IT

Best of luck

God Bless you and your marrige

Calibabe007

[Gilgamesh]

I would be a little too judgemental in this case. only one I feel sorry for is the Husband, and the kids if there are any.

[sisterlynch]

I think you are entering into a relationship with a man who only values women for what they give him physically, he doesn't know how to love or have feelings for others that don't involve sex.

 

I think you are acting like you are single. That is how you are acting. Your husband deserves your respect, but you don't value him.

 

He needs to learn to stand up for himself as you are using him. The man is also using you and his wife and their child together, but you already knew that.

 

What do you see as a future in all this extra-marrital activity?