chai714 Posted July 20, 2004 Share Posted July 20, 2004 I just got home off of work, and I picked up the phone. I started to dial, then I put it down. This is FREAKIN HARD. I'm so wound up right now, I know that calling her would be a bad idea, but it would feel so good to hear her voice. How do those of you with such self-discipline do it? I feel like I am unsure if NC is the right thing to do? Please help me understand better . . . Link to comment
konfuzed505 Posted July 20, 2004 Share Posted July 20, 2004 when is the last time you talked to her? what is the rest of the story? Link to comment
chai714 Posted July 20, 2004 Author Share Posted July 20, 2004 The last time I we talked was Saturday. The story can be found here: link removed I want to talk sooooo bad to her. Someone please come disconnect my freakin phone so I don't make a mistake . . . Link to comment
konfuzed505 Posted July 20, 2004 Share Posted July 20, 2004 read this post on same topic: link removed As for self discipline, I don't have any. I always call. It feels GREAT the minute they answer, just to hear their voice and all is right with the world.. ok, a little dramatic there, but you get the point. But you know what?.... every time I do, I feel evem worse about myself AFTER I call for not having the self discipline to have not called in the first place. Link to comment
derek_w Posted July 20, 2004 Share Posted July 20, 2004 Don't do it bro. It's not worth it. Have you ever quit smoking and then picked up a cigarette weeks later only to find out it tastes nasty? Go call some friends or take a walk. Link to comment
chai714 Posted July 20, 2004 Author Share Posted July 20, 2004 I called a friend instead, and I'm ok . . . I'm going to the gym soon, so that will be good . . . Link to comment
skynet74 Posted July 20, 2004 Share Posted July 20, 2004 It is EXTREMELY hard not to call. My Ex and I were tied at the hip for 10 years. Now she acts like I am the last person in the world that she wants to talk to. Strangers on the street treat me nicer than she does. THAT HURTS! Yes when you call, the initial hello feels good. However when you don't get the nice reaction you are looking for........ you are going to end up feeling worse! Then you'll wish you didn't call. It's happened to me a bunch of times. Now I have learned from my mistake. This is why I haven't called her for the past 11 Days. The simple fact that she hasn't called me confirms that she is not ready to talk to me. It would just be a disappointing conversation in the end. When she wants me she can come get me. She knows where I am. Your best bet is to do the same thing. It hurts not to call but it hurts even more not to be treated well. Don't even give her that chance to bum you out. John Link to comment
ReneinDC Posted July 20, 2004 Share Posted July 20, 2004 Very good post John! When I feel like breaking down and calling.. all I have to do is remember the crappy treatment I received and retrain my thinking that he isn't worthy of a phone call. Only when I'm 120% over him and him initiating contact with me first is the answer no matter how hard it may be. Link to comment
Pebek Posted July 20, 2004 Share Posted July 20, 2004 Chai-stay in NC if you can. I've been doing NC for over 4 months now. The pain is still sometimes choking but I can't imagine how it would hurt if I heard my x's voice, or worse still saw her on the street. What good would it be for me to know what she is doing if she's not with me? If she hadn't ended the relationship we'd be lying on the beach now just like last summer... God, does it hurt. If she wanted to talk to you she'd find a way, believe me. I've wanted to pick up that phone a thousand times too. Link to comment
AN2004 Posted July 20, 2004 Share Posted July 20, 2004 Just find other things to do. My garage looks like a freaking sporting goods store since my break up. I just leave the phone at home and go do something active. I cant call when I am doing that and I burn my slef out so I cant when I get home...good luck Link to comment
skynet74 Posted July 20, 2004 Share Posted July 20, 2004 If she hadn't ended the relationship we'd be lying on the beach now just like last summer... God, does it hurt. ----------------- Wow..... I Can Relate! I remember hanging out in Pennsylvania with my Ex last summer. We went to visit her family out there. We saw some Fireworks and were Barbecuing out on the back deck. If anyone had told me that one year from then we wouldn't even be together anymore, I would have thought they were totally Nuts! I can't believe now she's actually gone! This whole year has been a nightmare. I just want someone to come wake me up. John Link to comment
jarofpinecones Posted July 20, 2004 Share Posted July 20, 2004 Oh man, John, I know what you mean. Someone, please wake me up. I feel like I'm watching someone who looks and sounds like me, play me in a movie about my life. I do all the things I used to do, but I'm not really there. I talk to friends on the phone, have people over and entertain, go for walks, read. I'm still stuck, though. I was so happy. I was so alive and full of faith and optimism. Now all I have to look forward to is sleep, when I can forget for a while... The pain is so bad, I have decided to anthropomorphize it. It's like that old Woody Woodpecker cartoon, where he is trapped in a cabin and is sitting accross the table from Hunger. (Hunger is smoking a cigar). If this sadness and pain is going to be a constant partner in my daily existence, I might as well make a friend out of it, since it isn't showing any signs of leaving anytime soon. I am a little concerned, I just got promoted to a new postition at work. My new schedule will make it impossible for me to meet with my therapist anymore. I will be working weekends regularly so it will be harder to get away to do all those healing things I was trying, or to be with friends. As if life weren't hard enough, now my support system is being stripped away. I am afraid. What if I can't keep it together anymore, what if I blow this new job? I guess I could try just throwing myself into my work for a while, since the other things I was trying didn't seem to be working. Link to comment
Pebek Posted July 20, 2004 Share Posted July 20, 2004 If anyone had told me that one year from then we wouldn't even be together anymore, I would have thought they were totally Nuts! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ John-it's only a little bit comforting that we feel the same no matter where we live. My gf of almost 5 years broke up with me March 19 (it was Friday-I'll never ever forget that f***ing day) saying she needed 'time'. The relationship was going so good. The 2 weeks at the seaside were so great... We were planning 3 weeks this summer. Now, just like you I'm waiting for sb to wake me up and break the spell that's been put on all the places we were together-including my favourite seaside locations I can't visit for the time being. I've been in NC mode for 4 months and it still hurts. I know this post is just me venting my feelings but I just had to. There is one thing that sort of sooths my pain-my x was 16 (!) years younger than me so it was bound to happen sooner or later, or was it? Besides she never told me she loved me. But then again so what? I'm still hurting like hell cuz I gave her my heart but instead of keeping it she just gave it back to me. Link to comment
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