What is the best way to maintain EYE CONTACT?

[Eriel]

I've read over 1000 books about love and the number one thing that comes up the most in all of these love guru books is eye contact and smiling(looking friendly). You can feel free to disagree but, really I've read over 1000 books on DATING/LOVE etc.

The problem is I'm extremely shy and I have a hard time maintaining eye contact. The more I'm attracted to him the more I will look away. I think this is the reason why I'm still single....

When I meet people I don't mean to come off mean,rude or look unhappy at all, I naturally don't really smile and eye contact is something I'm really working on. I've been told repeatedly that I'm very attractive but, ppl are intimidated to approach me because I look kinda mean and I'm a little quiet at first. Do you have any advice for me? Experiences with this or ppl like me?

[thespecial1]

What you can do is look at your self in the mirror and smile just focus on your eyes while telling your self that your the best build the confidence so that when you do meet people you can tell your self i'm worth being friends with and i'm a really good person also just practice smiling to strangers that pass by and say hi every now and then while keeping eye contact reason why is you might never see those strangers again so if you look weird to them its okay because you will be working on your confidence and your people skills .. just practice being confident with your self and people will gravitate to you then you can win those lucky hearts over with all your arsenal..

[The Wire]

Blur your eyes slightly.

[ProtestTheHero]

When you first establish eye contact smile a little and look away. Bore into him w/ no smile and he's probably just thinking you're evaluating him, not really the type of thing that makes most men want to do anything about it. If he thinks you were looking at him because you thought he was cute, you lock eyes for a few moments and smile and then look away he can reasonably assume you were staring at him for positive reasons. You maintain eye contact just long enough to show you're legit and then look away to show some degree of embarrassment by being caught checking him out. If he likes you (wild card) and is confident enough to approach you (wild card), he'll do it. Aside from striking up a conversation with him/approaching him yourself that's about as much as you can do I suppose since you can't control the wild cards I mentioned.

[IronHorse]

Use the Hollywood trick, and look just a millimeter above the eyes, they won't know the difference. But don't stand there staring them down that's uncomfortable they aren't prey to be devoured. So look away equally as often when the discussion permits it and focus only beaming eye contact when it's important to stress you are indeed the focus of thier conversation... It takes practice but it's something you can master in a few days. Now keeping a conversation going with light hearted fun with a smooth flow takes a great deal longer to learn... Just be yourself and think of them all as your little brat sister and the conversations will be less stressful. Also of importance any errors you make along the way aren't mistakes they only learning experiences so don't beat yourself up about it learn from them.

[itsallgrand]

Make the effort to look around when you are in public or in a situation which could be social in any way.

 

Making eye contact is a simple way to acknowledge someone else's existence. Think of it that way. You aren't looking for anything for yourself necessarily, you are showing people that you see them and that they matter in a very simple way.

 

People tend to throw back a version of what you send out. If you pull away and won't look - it is basically saying to that person 'you are not important enough for me to take notice of'. It may sound harsh, but that is how people feel it. If you smile while looking at them, even better because you are saying that not only are they important enough to look at but you like them.

 

It sounds stupid, but on a general level it is true.

 

Take the emotion out of it, and think of it like you do something you feel comfortable doing because it is interesting to you.

 

Body language is something that has to be learned by doing. We can tell you the rough idea, but you have to jump in and try to get the real 'feel' for it.

 

The most important thing is getting yourself to relax and not take it all so seriously. I've often thought, when observing shy folks who avoid eye contact , that they almost seem to believe by not looking - it's not there and we can't see you! Sounds funny, but it does seem that way sometimes. And I find it odd bc I have to work the opposite way; not to keep eye contact too long and not to come accross as intimidating in that way (more aggressive body language).

 

By the way, I love your avatar!!

[LightbulbSun]

It's extremely hard to maintain eye contact, especially for a shy or socially anxious person. This is why people don't get into relationships, because they have trouble smiling (naturally) and maintaining eye contact.

 

If I do do the eye contact, I scare her off, and if I do do the smile thing, I scare her off. Why? Because none of it is natural to me. It's like someone who has a fear of water, jumping into a pool. He'll start screaming and feeling like he's drowning.

 

And that, to me, is what social contact is like, usually. I feel like I'm drowning.

[IronHorse]

It's extremely hard to maintain eye contact, especially for a shy or socially anxious person. This is why people don't get into relationships, because they have trouble smiling (naturally) and maintaining eye contact.

 

If I do do the eye contact, I scare her off, and if I do do the smile thing, I scare her off. Why? Because none of it is natural to me. It's like someone who has a fear of water, jumping into a pool. He'll start screaming and feeling like he's drowning.

 

And that, to me, is what social contact is like, usually. I feel like I'm drowning.

 

LOL, I'm not laughing at you but rather with you I know what your saying and truly appreciate your discomfort and frightening feelings. But to be honest with you there is no real way around this, you really need to double or triple your exposurer to such situations. Yes, it's going to be uncomfortable at least in the beginning you really just have keep plugging away and forcing yourself to suffer through it. Do this and after a while you'll become numb and it won't be no where near as bad as it once was. In fact in time you'll even begin to laugh at yourself because you'll begin to notice the shyness mistakes the young lady of your effection is making.

 

You know how I learned how to swim? My father threw me in and said sink or swim I'm not going to help you. I screamed and cried and soon realized no one was coming to my aid and I managed to somehow get back to the boat. What I didn't know at the momment is my two brothers where just behind me each with a life jacket ready to jump to my rescue should I go under. So, see while it might have looked like my father was being cruel and mean he had in fact took great care to see that I was safe and wouldn't drown. He was only teaching me to trust in myself that I could in fact swim, I just needed to believe it for myself.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Oldest trick in the book.

 

Look at them with smiling eyes (learn how to smile with your eyes. very important) and then look away while you smile. Then slowly move your eyes back up to meet his with the slightest of smiles.

 

60% of the time, it works every time.

[Eriel]

It's extremely hard to maintain eye contact, especially for a shy or socially anxious person. This is why people don't get into relationships, because they have trouble smiling (naturally) and maintaining eye contact.

 

If I do do the eye contact, I scare her off, and if I do do the smile thing, I scare her off. Why? Because none of it is natural to me. It's like someone who has a fear of water, jumping into a pool. He'll start screaming and feeling like he's drowning.

 

And that, to me, is what social contact is like, usually. I feel like I'm drowning.

 

Yeah I'm trying really hard to work on it! I try so hard everyday....and I still feel like I'm drowning and invisible to this world. Eye contact is so important and smiling too but unfortunately for ppl like me who naturally doesn't smile its like bungee jumping. (I think thats how you spell bungee?) but I like your example of jumping into a water, because I also have a fear of water and if someone pushed me into a pool I would panic!