(Am I) The Marrying Kind???

[surlygurl]

Wow. I would like to know if guys are turned off of women who wear makeup when they go out, just about all the time. I am one of those women. I am very fair and have dark hair (Elvira's little sister) and I've been cursed with dark circles under my eyes. With just a tiny bit of makeup, I transform from tired, to really not bad (OK, I've been told I am actually "pretty"). I've also got a stigma from all the hideous advice I've been given by the mean women in my life: My mother (who's now deceased) used to never compliment me, and always criticize my makeup and tell me I had to wear more "blush", or a lipstick that "better compliments (my) skin tone" (I'm still not sure what she meant by that). My father's mother told me, "You're not the kind of woman a man marries. Either go back to your ex(-boyfriend) or forget about getting married!" (Incidentally, my ex is an 'ex' because I couldn't take how controlling he was to me, not to mention dishonest and unfaithful, but that didn't matter to grandma! She told me he's the "best" I could do.) AND, to top it off, someone who I thought was a good friend told me last year, "guys don't like to marry girls who wear makeup." Of course, that was just weeks before she, herself, started wearing shadow and mascara on a daily basis.

 

OK, maybe there's a lot more going on that the issue of "to wear or not to wear." Never-the-less, I'm seriously considering tanning just to even out my skin (to my dark under-eye shadows). I'm still going to wear makeup, however, because I feel better about myself when I do. In some ways, I wish I never started, but the way my mom never gave me attention, I guess it was inevitable.

 

Right, this was not about my relationship with other women, but finding a husband.

 

My question is, I think, Do guys really expect the women they marry to be perfect all the time? I mean, I've seen women like Cameron Diaz or Carlize Theiron, two of the most beautiful women and Hollywood -- and they look pretty plain without makeup.

 

 

[hurtbylove]

I tend to prefer a girl that is cute in normal everyday clothes. My ex looked hot even in just a sweatshirt and jeans.

 

I like girls without makeup, a little is ok for special occasions. I think if it looks natural then it's good.

[sprkal]

It IS frightening to think how much of a hideous influence the women in our lives can have. Have you ever considered that your mother and grandma could have been jealous of your beauty/personality/accomplishments? That is what it sounds like to me.

 

As for make up, well almost every woman wears makeup, whether they want to look professional, enhanced, attractive etc. The key is not to pancake it on so that the real you is completely hidden. You should still be recognisable as you. Makeup is there to ENHANCE our features. And if you can cover your dark circles, thats great! I think its important for a woman to look as though she takes care of herself and makes an effort, and I think a lot of men would agree.

 

Just a tip about lipstick - if you have fair skin and dark hair deep red tones will suit you. Go for berry colours, fire engine reds etc. If thats all a bit bright then stick to neutral tints. Dark haired women always (in my opinion) look great with red lips.

 

Remember that there IS someone out there who thinks you are beautiful exactly how you are. Maybe he hasnt found you yet. Dont lose hope

[B_C_R]

"guys don't like to marry girls who wear makeup."

 

That is by far the most absurd comment that i've ever heard. Granted some people have there little fetishes when they are looking for women, but i've NEVER heard anyone say that they are looking for a girl that doesn't wear make-up. If you are a "natural" beauty (one who doesn't have to wear make-up) that is definitely a bonus, but those women are few and far between. However, for the remaining 90% of the women out there; it's not a flaw to wear make-up, or it's not something that a guy will view as a turn-off if you do wear make-up.

 

Of course this is making the asumption that you know how to wear make-up correctly and that you don't over-do it.

[sprkal]

PS: I honestly doubt that a man is ever going to marry you JUST for your looks! And if he did, well, would you want a guy like that???? I certainly wouldnt. Just be natural (that includes your makeup) and be yourself! And dont forget to smile, that is the greatest accessory of all!

[surlygurl]

These comments are really making me smile. See--->

 

I don't wear a lot of makeup at all, and my natural self does come through. By the end of the day, however, I look better without it, or a little lipstick (and foundation under the eyes). Anyway, maybe I could benefit from a tan, I don't know.

 

I appreciate everyone's comments so far, but about the one from the guy who says he likes girls who only wear a tiny bit on special occasions: I'm in my 30s (I'm not sure if I'm the only old-lady here or not, since I just signed up tonigth). Also, I'm not a "jeans" type person: I've got the figure for it, but I just have gotten a lot more modest, as I try to detract sexual-type attraction. I do like to look good, but now I'm more into modest clothing styles. If I was engaged or married, maybe then I'd dress sexy.

[ComputerGuy]

I don't think it matter whether you wear makeup or not. If a guy is going to marry you it's for you, no matter how you come. I have a friend who was in the same situation as you, she had very fair skin and dark hair. She used to wear makeup to compensate, and was told by her parents she would never find anyone, and that the only way she would ever find someone is if she stayed on her back with her legs apart, charming I know.

 

However, she is an EXTREMELY nice and beautiful girl, and I would have gone out with her in a second if we weren't such good friends. As it is, she is now happily engaged to a guy who loves her just as she is. Bascially do whatever you want to do, there will be someone who will want you for who you are.

[surlygurl]

One of the things my grandmother didn't know about me was that I left my ex-boyfriend, he didn't leave me. I should have never told her that he was flirting with other women on the internet and planning to meet them. He was a pig! None of these women were even attractive, one was even married! I was horrified and I dumped him. I didn't feel like getting some disease when we were married. Before that I had hardly ever dated. I've always been "the good girl" who got attention from guys, and was so used to attention for the wrong reasons, maybe I didn't trust one or two of the good guys and let them go in the process.

 

Anyway, for the last two years I've not even dated. I don't go anywhere where I might meet a guy. Still, I get guys from the store (married!) hitting on me, and cr## like that. No one impressive, just player-types or men who are hormonally challenged. I think that there are good guys out there, and my make-up wearing is the least thing that has kept me single all these years.

 

My grandmother, by the way, got married when she was 22 to the first man she met when she got off the boat on Stanton Island, NY. My friend who I told you about, incidentally, is known for saying mean-type remarks to her closest friends, always along the lines that we won't find anyone. (She recently got married and was the most miserable bride I could have ever imagined!)

[Trigve]

hm this is an interesting topic.. I thought most guys like girls with makeups since all the supposely georgous woman you see in the media are covered with it.

 

personally I'm attracted to girls who don't wear it (but again this is probably not the norm). And it has nothing to do with whether a girl is "cute enough" not to wear it. I've often seen the same girls with and without makeup and I still think they're cuter when they don't wear it.

 

I also like girls who just dress in very casual clothing (that's how I dress myself, usually just plain T shirt and katckies, or however you spell it). I just find a girl who's not so bogged down with how she looks that much more appealing. I'd go for a girl who's just clean and healthy over a girl who's "georgous" in a split second.

 

the business type of women who really know how to present themselves, I do find them very pleasant looking, but not in a personal kind of way.

 

 

anyhow, that's just me. remember not all guys are the same, but I hope this helps more or less.

[Trigve]

damn it I forgot to mention the important part... lol

 

 

the makeup/no makeup thing I was talking about apply to only an initial impression, past that it's not nearly an issue. There is this girl I like and I noticed she does wear makeups but that didn't make me like her any less. So whether you wear makeup or not might have an effect on some initial contact with a guy (since the guy doesn't really know you, he can only judge things from your appearance), but once he gets to know you other things about you become much much more important than a small silly thing as whether you wear makeup or not.

[surlygurl]

I don't get the comment "the business type of women who really know how to present themselves, I do find them very pleasant looking, but not in a personal kind of way."

[ComputerGuy]

I think he means they look good to him but not in a "I find it attractive" kind of way

[DanRockstar]

Too much makeup is a mega turn off for me, highlighting natural beauty should be what makeup is for, my girlfriend looks amazing with or without makeup.

 

As for wearing it all the time... seems pretty common, I guess almost every girl / woman over 15 is wearing makeup when they go outdoors, so I wouldn't worry too much

[AzurePhoenix]

Well, are you the marrying kind?

 

I think the definitive answer is: Yes.

 

The makeup thing is not important. The important piece is how *you* feel about yourself. Do you feel like you look good? How you feel about yourself is more important than trying to make yourself look good...as what matters is your attitude and self confidence. If getting a tan or wearing make-up is part of your recipie to make yourself feel good.. then by all means it is worth it.

 

I know many gentlemen who have given up searching for a women of your age group and your attitudes as they just cannot find them. Now perhaps I know why.. they are hiding

 

~AzurePhoenix

[Trigve]

yea I think computerGuy explained what I meant pretty close. They can seem really pretty and nearly perfect in appearance, and yes attractive too... but it's like a finely crafted piece of jewelry in a pretty box. If I find a nice piece of rock by the river I'd feel like picking it up and touch it and play with it and carry it around with me all the time, because it just feels more personal. While I wouldn't have the same impulse with the fine jewelry, it'd seem fine just sitting in the living room in the house.

[surlygurl]

I am humbled by your postings as I realize I made a big deal out of nothing. I think it was mainly because I was hurt over that comment my grandmother made 5 years ago. Last night I spoke with my aunt about it (the daughter of my grandmother) and got a better insight into why she said that I wasn't "the marrying kind". My grandma seems to have had a bad temper when she felt she was being challenged, and apparently she felt she was being challenged when I told her that I left this guy she felt I should marry (just because he was wealthy). She lived pretty much controlled by her husband of 62 years, and that was all she knew. Grandma couldn't understand me challenging her on that (even though that wasn't my intention). Apparently, behind my back, she said good things about how I looked, dressed and presented myself overall, so apparently, that mean comment I've been hanging onto for the past 5 years was a stupid reason to feel shy and not good enough.

 

Guy with last post; you're right, I have been "hiding". I've become so not interested in meeting the wrong guy, that I've stopped trying to meet the right one. In the meanwhile, I've built a trench around me full of excuses as to why no one will marry me. It's kind of silly really, since I never meet anyone in the first place or go anywhere that I might give a good guy a chance. I guess that's my next posting... where to meet a good guy.