Help Me

[Michael2]

No, you meet him alone.

 

I would be put off if my ex wanted me to meet up with her and her friends.

[Deeplydepressed]

Okay. I got stood up again by him. Now, I'm just frustrated and wonder what the hell he is thinking. He called me and said he wanted to see me and then didn't show up when I told him he could meet me at the bar. My girlfriend was with me because I figured if he didn't show up at least I still have fun. My question now is can I now totally tell him how hurtful and crappy that was of him? I know I will continue to think about it if I don't let him know what what a jerky thing that was too do? Why do you suppose he called me and told me we could get together, then ditched me. Was it cause I was with my friend? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Frustration!!!!!!!

 

 

 

[MrMikeWikowski]

That sucks.

 

You need to let go of this guy. Trust me I know how hard it is. I am having such a hard time letting go of my ex, and don't even know if I can do it. But at the very least you need to do No Contact. Do not contact him. It is very, very hard, but you need to. One day at at time. You can do it.

 

good luck

 

Mike

 

You can PM if you need

[Mun]

Hi,

Honey I don't know if I should even post to you, you don't seem to agree with my advice. I will ask you one thing before I do though.. has your way been working? I respect your opinion, but sometimes when what we have been doing has only gotten us to hit our head against a brick wall over and over--it's time to try something different. At least hear me out.

 

You say HE called YOU to set this up...that doesn't make sense. I don't think a guy would call to set up a date then stand you up on purpose unless he wants to "make a statement" and if that is the case then I think he has made one loud and clear.

 

Girl this man has nothing to offer you at this time. He is not even willing to be a gentleman and I guess not call you? to say he is not coming. Don't waste your time anymore.

 

I know you probably want to talk to him to tell him how much he has hurt you. Do you honestly think that will help? He doesn't seem to care about your feelings now.. what will crying on the phone and pleading with him to be a good guy do? He is only going to think that you are willing to wait around for him--that everything for you depends on him.

 

Take this as a lesson learned and try to move on. Forget this guy honey he is not even trying. Don't even give him the satisfaction of knowing how much you are hurt. When people mistreat us, we flip our noses to them and walk away. We know we deserve respect and we won't be around someone who does not give it to us.

 

Don't call him...start ignoring him as of today Tell yourself over and over that you want more, that a good guy will treat you with courtesy and respect.. you will start to believe it...I know.. I had to do this myself.

 

Be tough and love yourself. Put YOURSELF first not the man...and especially not this one---there are other great guys out there who would treat you special..and they like girls to stand up for themselves by NOT insisting with a guy who is being a jerk.

 

You don't want to be one of those women who like jerks now do you? Well that's what nice guys are thinking..ugh..

[Deeplydepressed]

Okay,

 

Now he did email me me and tell me that he was sorry that it was miscommuncation and that he thought I had his other phone number and asked me to call him. I think that is a valid reason. What do you think?

[MrMikeWikowski]

Yes it might be a good reason,

 

BUT I would still stay away from him

 

I think it will be better for you

[Mun]

What kind of miscommunication? Did you have a date or didn't you? If he said meet me at so-so place at so-so time then you had a date.. if he said " hey let's get together sometime" then it was not.

 

I'm sorry but it sounds to me like this guy is playing games. He gave you his number and asked you to call him.. why? He has your number and he can dial too. I think you should wait for him to call you this way you don't catch him at a bad time and he rushes you through the call... and.. you don't end up feeling as if you are the one doing all the work in this.

 

Be careful though. You obviously really want this guy. Have you asked yourself why?

 

Best wishes

[Maynard]

I would stay away from him

 

My Ex is doing the exact same thing

I call her to go somewere she says yes and tell me that shes gonna call when she's gonna have the time but she never call, she did this to me twice.

 

The thing is i told her that if she doesn't want to do something with me i would understand, but she told me that she really want to do something with me

 

Its been a week since i ask her to go to this restaurant but she didn't even call me back to tell she could not.

 

I think thats she does't want to say no because she still doesn't know what she want and she know that i she say no i will never bother her again, in other word i think she wants me as her back-up

 

Now i'm really piss and i dont want to talk to her anymore.

[Deeplydepressed]

All good advice and all easier said than done. But I know you guys wouldn't be able to give this advice if you haven't been in a silimar situation in the past. My situation actually sounds alot like yours Maynard. God! You are right. I'm the back up girl and I can keep on telling myself how he's different and that he's just busy cause he cause a lifestyle that keeps him on the road, but he more than likely really doesn't want to see me. I don't know 100% why I want this guy so much. I guess because I still love him or maybe it just has to do with the simple fact that I can't handle rejection from anyone. I have had several offers for dates with good "pre-screened" guys and have turned them all down. I'm a picky dater and this guy just felt right. If that makes any sense. I just don't understand why he called me when I told him too, then brushed me off. Why would someone do that anyway? He seemed like such a good guy. Someone that wouldn't do that.

[Maynard]

Its the exact same thing with my Ex she really is a great person, i would have never though she would have treat me like this,its been 2 weeks now since i haven't had news from her.

 

I'm still in love with her, but how can i respect someone who treats me like this. I'm no toy.

 

So i'm still not calling her, if she really wants to talk to me she will call me

 

Stay strong, because on the long run talking to him is just gonna make the healing prosess be longer and harder

 

If you feel like talking a little bit more feel free to Pm me

[Deeplydepressed]

I went and made a huge mistake and emailed him a letter pouring my heart out. I am constantly thinking about him and want him so bad, but I know that one cannot make another love them back of course. He told me he'd write me a letter and for me to call him. He hasn't replied back. What I want to ask is will this horriebl cloud go away? Will i stop thinking about him? I've been asked out several times this week and find I just cannot go on a date. I look at other girls and wonder how they can just sleep with a guy and not get attached or hurt? They make me feel like I'm to needy or a alien of some sort? What can I do to help myself? How long did it take some of you to heal and fully move on? I feel like I'm crazy and I can't stop emaiing me? I don't want to be a freaking stalker.

[Phoenix Down]

Hey

You seem like a really nice girl, and it sucks to think I did the same thing to someone like you. I write music as well, and sometimes it comes with a lot of attention form girls in my case. Things went to my head and I lost some one very close to me because of it. I'm in the process of being signed and now I have no one to share it with. Maybe one day he'll learn, maybe he wont. The point is you need to think of you. This guy doesn't seem to give two sh*ts about you. (sorry if that sounds mean) But leave the guy alone. Maybe he'll see what he had when all of the fake people in his life have faded. And maybe by that time you'll be happy with some one else. And then it'll be his turn to wonder. Life is too short but I think I have a song that you might like, think of it as a frame of mind to try and be in. I know some of the words wont work for you but take the rest and know one day your hurt can turn into positive things.

Go to (link removed) scroll down till you see a cd called (shaunacy) Thats me, you can listen to all 3 tracks if you want, but the one I was speaking of is track 8. This was for an older ex of mine. but I felt the way you do about your ex. It's not the end of the world. Reading your post remind me of myself right now with my current ex. I've decided to write a song for you and I. I know it sounds retarded but you've inspired me to see how I've been and how I should be. What I've learned tho is every time I fall in love it seems to get better and better. If you love this guy this much , the next guy will bring you even closer to what you've been waiting for. I'll post a link to the song I've started for our little problem as soon as I'm done. Let me know what you think of the 3 tracks tho, you might not like my style. Have an open mind.

But let me know eather way. Deja

[frizzle]

One thing that strikes me is you turned down these other guys. What was it about them that you didn't like or didn't want? Could it possibly be because they are decent guys and not jerks like this one? I do believe you might have self esteem issues, which will only be resolved if you take time away for yourself.

[popo]

Deeplydepressed,

 

stop contacting him! u can never get over him if u dont stop doing this. ive read ur earlier post. it seems that u only want to hear what u want to hear. believe me, people here know what their saying. so stop hurting urself. he wont respect u anyway. it wont b easy to forget him but not contacting him will help u to get through this. try casual date. it's okay if u still think of him when u r out with other, at least make urself busy. u'll b fine!

[Deeplydepressed]

Phoenix Down, I did like the song actually. I like all genres of music.

 

Frizzle, I don't think it's that I like bad guys. I'm just scared I think to get hurt again and I honestly I don't think I was that compatiable with those other guys. I've always been somewhate "picky" I guess.

 

Anyways he did email me back after awhile saying the he didn't want to say there's no chance, but that we should get together in person. And for me to email him back. When someone says something I tend to take it for what it is. So I thinking if I really want to I should just email him back and meet him somewhere right?

 

I feel bad constantly writing about this, but that is the purpose of this forum right?

[Phoenix Down]

Keep your chin up...

[Deeplydepressed]

I feel horrible. I'm crabby and anxious and I just need to know if there is a chance or not. If not then I need closure. I don't want to put blame on anyone expect myself for opening myself to someone. For the longest I wouldn't date anyone because of fear of being hurt and then it happened. I knew I'd overreact like I always do and that something bad would happen to me. I feel I cannot date, but all of a sudden I'm drinking and hooking up with random guys and having risky sex. I'm cutting again. And I just don't seem to give a care about anything. And Yes! All this over a guy. I feel something is horribly wrong with me. And I feel stupid reacting this way over a guy. I need the closure though!!!!!!

[Deeplydepressed]

We finally met again. He picked me up and bascally we talked, but then I slept with him. I only did cause I thougt we where back together. I'm not into casual sex. Well it had been 3 days and he didn't return any of my calls. I asked him for a straight answer to why he didn't return my calls and this is the email he sent.

 

I meant to be straight forward with you, and it should not have been

something i

second guessed. however, it was, and that left me in a place of

immense

awkwardness. too much time had passed since i dropped you off at

home to

pretend that i was just incredibly busy. 'cause as i have said time

and

time again, there is never a reason to not return a phone call in a

timely

fashion, unless you can't handle the insuing conversation.

 

i can't see any relationship with you working out. it is a cliche to

say

it, and i never thought i would; but it's not you, it's me. sorry

for the

stark corniness. what i think our relationship would turn into, is

one

revolved around the physical. and that type of relationship is

unduly

hurtful to the one upon which it is force fed. it sucks that i won't

get to

know the contemporary You. you talked about how much you've changed

since

we were together. perhaps if the timing of our foibles had not been

ill

timed things would have had the potential to unfold in the realm of

pure joy

and extacy; such is life.

 

bye.

 

I'm so bummed. I'm so sad. I haven't been able to concetrate or do anything accept cry and cry. And him saying that it would be physical only makes me feel like I'm stupid. Like I have no depth to me and I could only be in a physical relationship with any man. I feel like I will never find aanyone like him again. You see I had a hard time finding dates or going out with guys before I meet this guy. I had dated a few guys, but it was nothing special. I know this sounds very shallow and desparate, but have any of you guys ever tried any of the techinques in those "Get your Ex Back" e-books or anything? Do you think this is a sick obession now? Cause I feel like I won't be able to function without him? I want him and the idea of going out on a date with any other guys makes me sick. The idea of sleeping with another guy makes me want to hurl. What do you guys think?

[Deeplydepressed]

I not trying to be annoying, but what happened to everyon? I hope you all aren't mad or annoyed with me.

[Mun]

Hi there,

I don't know about anyone else, but I stopped posting because I felt that my advice was not particularly useful to you.

 

Perhaps you may want to look back over the thread at the advice that was given. Each relationship teaches us something new about ourselves. I'm sure you have learned alot from this relationship, I wish you the best.

[ladyc]

DeeplyDepressed,

 

I have just read this entire thread from beginning to end. I would suggest you do that for yourself. What struck me was that you have received lots of responses all containing excellent advice, and that each subsequent post from you says that you have ignored it all. Of course you don't have to take anyone's advice, but you ARE asking for advice and these people are all talking from wisdom and experience. I totally agree with what Muneca said about trying something different when what you are doing is not working. Clearly what you have been doing has not been working, and you are only causing yourself immense pain. Everyone is capable of trying new behaviors and "I'm the sort of person who has to express all their feelings" is a bit of an excuse.

Here's another recommendation: I just got through reading the book called "He's just not that into you" and in my opinion it's really excellent. Very straightforward and simple to read, really most of it is common sense and things we already know but it really opens your eyes. I think this would benefit you more than "how to get your ex back". (Take this from someone who has been very addicted to "unavailable men" - i.e. those who don't want you - in the past!)

The bottom line is you deserve better than this, and you're wasting a lot of time and energy agonizing about someone who is no longer interested. Move on - and the very best of luck to you.

[ladyc]

One other thing: I think the email he sent you is your "closure." Actually closure really comes from inside ourselves. And that fact that you don't feel like dating anyone else at the moment does not mean he's the only one you can ever love, just that you aren't ready for that yet. If you've read many posts on here, you'll see that a lot of folks talk about taking time to just work on yourself in various ways. Just enjoy life with your friends for a while. Eventually you'll be aware that you're interested in someone new, or at least open to that happening. It can take time.

[Deeplydepressed]

Okay. This is not at all really related to this post, but I wrote a email to my friend venting about my relationship and put alot of personal stuuf in it that I wouldn't want my ex to see. Well, I had given my ex best friend my email address and password to check on my emails while my copmuter was being fixed and but then she went and sent out a copy of this very personal email to my ex. It has alot of very personal personal stuff in it. She did it cause her boyfriend had said he wanted to sleep with me. So should I send a apologize to the ex or just ignore it?

 

I have to much drama in my life right now. Do you think it is possible that certain people just attract trouble?

[Deeplydepressed]

Okay,

 

I have been praticing NC and wishing that my ex will eventually contact me even though I know the chances are slim to none. This week has been so hard. I have had bouts of uncontrollable crying and don't know why I haven't gotten over this yet. I'm keeping as bust as possible, but then when I have a minute of free time I breakdown and cannot stop. It's almost getting to the point where I cannot work. I still cannot fully comprehd how I could give someone my love and then he can just forget about me and possibly be with someone else. I mean I know he said that the relationship would be bcome one based on just the physical, but I find that so odd since it was more than a sexual relationship. I guess what I want to know is how to heal or recover quickly from something like this?

[Enn]

It is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You feel like this because you're telling yourself you *should* feel like this. That isn't the case. It sounds as if you've been torturing yourself for months. You are focussing on him instead of on you. What exactly has he brought to your life recently?

 

I have similar feelings about about my ex - I can't believe he could have treated me so badly, and that he could have felt so little about me. That he could have been so horrible to me so soon after a bereavement. That he keeps repeating the same patterns with everyone. After seeing a counsellor, I came to the conclusion that he was 'broken.' Your ex may be too - but this isn't our problem.

 

You *will* feel better, just keep this poisonous influence away from your life! The sooner you start staying away from him the better! Don't expect an 'immediate' result. See it as an open-ended thing. I think you've been hoping for an immediate result for six months - in which time you could have gone through the whole healing process successfully! But *don't* give yourself a hard time for that, theses were all lessons you had to learn. Start *now*. It's a New Year - ditch the destructive habits of the old.

 

We don't *know* what is going to happen in life. Stop trying to anticipate what's going to happen next (especially in someone else's life!) and relax and live it. You are worth something!

 

If you *have* to involve your ex in your thought process (for even just the short term), realise that if *anything* is going to make him care about how you feel, it's your sudden disappearance from his life. He will wonder what the hell's hit him. And I mean *no contact*. Not even replies to those 'oh so friendly and oh so casual' texts that the manipulative try to taunt us with. (Such as the Merry Christmas and Happy New Year texts my ex had the temerity to send me).

 

The book that's really helped me is Wayne Dyer's 'The Power of Intention' - I cannot recommend it highly enough.