not an addict but serious problems with alcohol.

[someguy87]

I am usually very quiet and rational thinker. Far too reserved to cause any trouble and extremely shy....but when I get drunk.....

 

I am not addicted to alcohol....I hate the taste, and smell is nauseating.

 

I usually drink in social settings.... once in a blue moon I will drink myself but with very good self moderation.

 

the problem is, out of the all the social events where alcohol is served, all of them were disastrous because of my behavior.

 

The first time I drank was in first year of university getting back with high school friends. I started to switching from sadness, hysteria to anger. Anger and sadness were clearly dominant.....I caused some ruckus before my high school friends grew farther apart.

 

few years later I involved waking up in my house and not remembering anything until I was informed a police officer nearly arrested me...I was at a restaurant and started picking fights smashing cars.....it started coming back to me, I remember being furious....just sheer anger.

 

few weeks ago, I was at a birthday party.....I drank so much, started going crazy....I eventually jumped into the swimming pool, I felt like I was going to drown....I was so happy, I felt like oh **** I need to swim or I might drown (friend said my body was half way in the water floating sinking)....but I couldn't really move properly....I was pulled out. I remember very little of this incident....

 

a couple days ago, I was at a night club, well same **** again, I decided to get drunk crazy, there was almost a fight....someone threw water on my friends and me, and I just flipped.....I wanted to serious murder somebody until someone stopped me....

 

same stuff happened when I was at another night club a year ago....that time I was kicked out of the club.....

 

As you can see, I just have no inhibition of any sort.....I lose complete rational thinking ability when I am drunk.....there's clearly an anger issue I don't know about which comes out when I am drunk.....

 

I quickly forget to limit myself drinking....I just want to keep going, just drown myself....when I am drunk I feel alive....like I can actually feel like I am living....when I am sober....usually I feel life is dull and empty.

 

I feel dangerous to myself and others when I am drunk.....

 

I have been talking to a friend about this problem.... I feel like I need complete alcohol abstinence, and if I am drinking, I need to stay away from people.....

 

obviously, limiting myself and controlling has failed miserably.....

 

I am just trying to shut out all the embarassing moments.....it makes me sick thinking about myself when I am drunk....but what concerns me is the apparent internal emotional problems like the deep rooted anger....it scares me when this part of me comes out.....

[DN]

Try going to a few Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.

[R41N]

I dont think you meet the criteria for alcohol dependence (although it could possibly lead to that from what you've said), but according to the standard criteria made by health professionals you do have problems related to substance abuse.

 

Here's the following criteria:

Has impairment by at least one of the following during a 12-month period:

Recurrent use resulting in failure to fulfill major role obligations

Continued use despite persistent or recurrent social or interpersonal problems

Recurrent use in hazardous situations

Recurrent substance-related legal problems (such as DUI’s, arrests for disturbing the peace, etc.)

 

I do recommend Alcoholic Anonymous meeting, and it is a non-judgemental , religious based open discussion meeting. It's proven through research that it benefits the individual with drinking problems. Although the first meeting is usually a bit awkward when you are new to the group, but know that it is a normal process and you will get more comfortable as time progresses. People really do change for the better as long as they continue the sessions.

The first and foremost step is to admit that you have a drinking problem. Only then you can start fixing those problems. People typically do not want to believe that they have problems, and this is natural defense mechanism. Reach out for help, you are not alone in this and people in AA has gone thru similar experiences, they will understand you better than anyone else could.

[Tryna-findme]

Yes, there is such a thing as binge drinkers and apparently, you are blacking out. If you are not an addict, quit or the next story may be written in the news headlines. The option of drinking alone does not makes sense if you are out of control you still may manage to do something disastrous to yourself--imagine no one around to help you?

As a recovering alcoholic, your description of the liquid courage is all to familiar to me, and to may recovering. Try to stop, and if you find yourself justifying drinking again because, oh you have a special function or this friend is leaving town forever or you can have just one for a date, etc...then you know you will need to get help. By the way, I AM the life of the party when I want to be, I am the first one on the dance floor, with no alcohol or drugs. If I can, you can my dear. Good luck!! If you find you can't do it on your own, Alcoholics Anonymous always has room for one more.