Why it Takes Time (Your Brain and Healing)

[EQIQ]

Did you ever think why it takes so long to get over a break-up? This is just a quick thought that crossed my mind, and will leave it for you guys to discuss.

 

Think about it from a scientific stand-point. This is one of the few things that make complete sense in the world of love, when thinking about it scientifically.

 

The brain is set up in a way that every time you think about something, it sets up new connections (synapses) and reinforces existing ones that are related to the subject you are thinking about. When you spend months, years thinking about one subject it greatly reinforces those synapses, and it becomes second nature to think about that subject. Do you practice any sports? Ride a bicycle for example? Do you need to think about every action you will take? "Ok right leg, left leg.. ugh.. ok here we go". No right? Because from kids we set up connections that give us control over our bodily motions, and the more you apply them, the more second nature it becomes. Same for math, social skills, everything in life.

 

And that is why it is so hard to let go, and why it takes time. You spent months, years thinking about your SO, spending time with your SO, thinking about how much you love your SO, etc etc etc. Top that with chemicals that give us a sense of well being when in love (dopamine, oxytocin), and you are in for a rough withdraw.

 

Now have you ever spent months or even years away from school and then tried to solve some math or whatever other problems that you used to be able to do with ease? It wasn't so easy anymore was it? You probably struggled your way through, or found that you had completely forgotten how to solve said problem. This is because connections in our brain that aren't used, overtime become less and less prominent, and others that are currently being used take precedence.

 

Healing from a break-up is like forgetting how to do a math problem that you used to be able to do with ease. Give it time, focus on other things, and overtime your brain will not keep activating the connections that are related to your past relationship as much anymore, and overtime it might totally fade-away. The memories will be there, but not with the hurt, etc, and you will find that you have gone days, months without even thinking about it, because you are activating other connections now.

 

So don't be too harsh on yourself, wondering why you haven't gotten over it yet. Try to relax, focus on things that make you feel good. Practice sports, a hobby, focus on work, study, do whatever you need to do with your life. Overtime it will fade away, and you won't have even noticed it. The more you focus on why you haven't gotten over it, the more you will solidify the connections that relate to your hurt, and break-up.

 

All the best for you in this rough time.

 

Discuss.

[bri427]

totally agree.... getting over a loved one is like trying to kick a smoking habit. it feels terrible and makes you sick, but kicking the obsessive habit will, in the end, be benficial to yourself. loving someone is something we do naturally. getting over it...is not so natural. we obsess because for the period of time we were with the SO, thats all we were concerned with. so when it ends, we agonize and contemplate it all. im currently working on "letting go", and its no easy road...i find myself thinking bout him ALL the time. and its been a year since the BU. as days go by...so does the intense emotion. just like a bad habit...the longer you dont do it, the less you will want to. thanks for this.

[catcountry]

Thanks EQ...this is great and it makes total sense.

[Happens4aReason]

A nice way to put it.. Love is just like a drug.. You do need time to heal and there will be withdrawal symptoms (drunk dialing, begging, .... ) JUST to have another shot at it..

[LarsWB]

Excellent post...and spot on. Thanks for the post!

[EQIQ]

Excellent post...and spot on. Thanks for the post!

 

Thanks and good luck, even though no luck is involved lol

[forinstance872]

totally agree.... getting over a loved one is like trying to kick a smoking habit. it feels terrible and makes you sick, but kicking the obsessive habit will, in the end, be benficial to yourself. loving someone is something we do naturally. getting over it...is not so natural. we obsess because for the period of time we were with the SO, thats all we were concerned with. so when it ends, we agonize and contemplate it all. im currently working on "letting go", and its no easy road...i find myself thinking bout him ALL the time. and its been a year since the BU. as days go by...so does the intense emotion. just like a bad habit...the longer you dont do it, the less you will want to. thanks for this.

hav read lot of your posts and you seem to have wisdom well beyond your young age ,, bet would be quite something to know you in real life