Time to post my story, I guess.

[SameStory221]

I have been posting here and there about my issues. The Break-up is very new so I thought maybe some of you would be kind enough to help me gain some perspective.

 

We were together for almost a year. Everything was seemingly going well. The past two months we spent every day together. Sort of "playing house." Which I know now was a mistake. He acted as though that is what he wanted so naturally, I stayed with him at his place while I was in the process of moving into a new place of my own. We had an amazing time together. We never really fought other than him getting too wasted and doing disrespectful things regarding other women while we were out. He seemed ok with the outcome and the arguments never escalated into anything major. I know now that we sort of rushed things since I started hanging out with him immediately after my ex cheated on me. I wasn't ready but, he seemed so amazing to me at the time so I took a chance but, I was open about needing to take my time and my feelings about my ex. I know my trust issues played a part in this. I can take responsibility for myself.

We were stupid in love. I know that I probably stepped in WAY too soon cooking and cleaning the house when he was at work so that I wasn't just there. He was the one that pushed the future of "us" more than I did. On a recent trip we went on to Florida to see his family he was having his niece and nephew call me "Aunt" which was weird but ok with me. His mother was always telling me that I was "a part of their family" now. Two weeks ago his grandmother set up a dinner so that I could meet the rest of the family. So, we went. I was ok with that and it seemed to me like we were progressing in this fast but, it seemed right so I went with it.

Now I am left wondering what the hell happened. It seemed he picked a fight to sabotage the relationship because he couldn't communicate with me. He asked me to be at his house at 9pm to meet up and so he could help me move. He walked in at 3am wasted and said some mean things and that "he is spontaneous and I keep him from being that way." I am on the page that even if you are late to meet the cable guy you call. This is the first "spontaneous" thing he ever did. We got in a terrible argument because he said things like "who asked you to be here any way." In the morning after the argument I asked him to be and adult and take some accountability for what he did the night before. He said "I am not an adult" and walked out on me.

I figured it would cool off and we could talk as we had always done. He waited the weekend and sent me an email that said things like I am a better person for being with you and the people you brought into my life. I just can't be who you need me to be in the relationship. When I said I loved you I meant it. I don't feel like myself. Sorry for wasting your time. So he ended it in an email.

I had to get some things back for work that were on his computer and we finally talked face to face. He acted as if nothing happened bull * * * * ting with me about what he has been doing and what days of work he has off coming up. If he came to town for a show that was coming up he would call me. How he wanted to talk to a good friend of mine and see if he wanted to hang out. He has been reaching out to a lot of my friends which I think is odd. People that he never really talked to before. He also said he wanted to call my friends and apologize for not being able to make the show this weekend if they didn't hate him. He asked about my daughter and said how he missed me and her. I asked him if he thought that we were so broken that we couldn't fix this and he said he didn't know. He hugged me goodbye and said he would talk to me soon. Yesterday he quoted one of my favorite songs on FB and changed his picture to one that I took where you can see me in his sunglasses. (i know i am lame for thinking this means something.)

So here I sit in limbo. I am thinking why does he want to surround himself with people that love me in his life if he doesn't love me any more. He looked worse than I did when I saw him. I have started NC trying not to think about it and trying to feel better about myself and work on my personal issues. I think maybe he scared himself with talking about the future all of the time. Maybe a grass is greener thing. He got into his head that he was losing something rather than gaining it in the relationship. I don't think I have seen the last of him at all because he is already creating situations to be around me and my friends. I just don't want him to think he can continue to be a huge part of my life and gain the love of the people in my life without me in the picture. To me that is odd too. Why would you want to be in my life if I am not worth sharing your life with.

 

Either way....what do you think. I am trying not to hold out hope but, I feel like it is way to early to close the door. ](*,)

[SapphireNoir10]

I think you just have to try and move on.

 

He sounds disrespectful with getting drunk and being innapropriate. Thats not a good basis for a relationship anyway.

 

If he wants to come back, he'll make it clear, then you decide whether you want him back or not.

[SameStory221]

Yeah I am trying to. Enrolled in a Yoga class, and made plans with friends. He is adding all of my friends on FB which I thought was very weird. Usually exes do the opposite, I thought. What do I know. That is the thing I don't want to wait for him to figure it out. I need to get myself up out of this bathrobe and make myself keep living. I know I shouldn't read too much into FB because it is stupid but, again today with lyrics from my favorite band about falling apart. Killing me inside.