My best friend's dad commited suicide, what do i say? help!

[Optimistic37]

I just found out that my best friends dad commited suicide yesterday by electricution. Im in total shock at the moment and another mate of mine suggests a couple of us (about 5) goto my best friend (Ty) house on thurs to give him support.

 

I have never been in this kind of situation before and I have no idea what to say or how to act around Ty. I know I shouldnt pity him but I cant just tell him to get over it.

 

I am thinking about phoning him to say how sorry i am but I dont know what to say and im really bad at expression myself so I know ill make it worse for him. Would I text msg be good or will it seem cheap and lame?

 

please help by thursday, thanks

[abcd1234]

Hi phybrid,

 

This could be a very difficult desicion to make. When somebody close dies each person will react to it differently and try to deal with it and cope in the best way possible for them.

 

-Some people need to be alone and take time out from things.

-Some need a lot of love and support from family and friends.

-Some try to get on with their lives.

-Some respond in completely different ways.

 

However your friend responds to the loss of his father he needs to be aware that you are there for him and thinking of him. You could let him know this by sending a card signed with all of your friends names, it is not lame and it tells him exactly what he needs to hear.

 

I dont know about visiting him, im sure it would cheer him up but you need to take into account how he is coping, will it be a bit overwhelming to have 5 people visit him at once? Maybe you could each visit when he is comfortable with it.

 

I hope i have helped.

abcd1234

[Meow18]

I can understand how hard it must be. I wouldn't know what to say in that situation either. Its hard in any situation involving death.

I agree with abcd1234, maybe you shouldn't all go visit him at once right away.

I think you should say something like "I'm so sorry about your loss, if you ever need anything or want to talk, know that I am always here for you at anytime." Don't keep telling him how sorry you are for him, don't be nicer to him than normal. Treat him like you do any other day, just make sure he knows that you are there for him if he needs you. A lot of people don't like being treated any differently by their friends when they lose someone close to them. They feel awkward when people go out of their way to be nice to them or keep telling them how bad they feel & they just feel like people are feeling sorry for them & doing it out of pity. I mean, obviously you do feel sorry for him, anyone would, but I believe you are better off not acting all sorry for him. It could just depress him more.

Just let him know that you are there for him. Don't force him to talk about it, just let him know that if he needs to talk you are more than willing to listen.

[Optimistic37]

dont know about visiting him, im sure it would cheer him up but you need to take into account how he is coping, will it be a bit overwhelming to have 5 people visit him at once?

yeh, i agree about not goin in a group to his house. It might be abit overwhellming. However, I wouldnt like to go alone because I wouldnt know what to do.

 

My other mate (who Ty phoned to tell the news) said that Ty said he was feeling fine and is managing well. I feel that he is just covering up and the reaction will hit him soon. I dont think that it has sunk in yet so maybe seeing him now would be the best idea?

[abcd1234]

Some people often have delayed reactions when it comes to things like this. He may be busy helping other members of his family to cope and has not yet had time to grieve himself, this is something that he needs to do and is a natural part of the healing process.

 

Perhaps now would be the best time to visit at let him know that you will be with him through it. If you are worried about going by yourself then have one of his other friends go with you.

 

As maggie18 said, dont try to be over-nice to him, it will seriously make him feel weird. Just be aware of his feelings when you talk to him, he may be feeling quite fragile at the moment.

 

abcd1234