I like her, but I'm confused

[craven]

I've been friends with this girl, I see her from time to time. Since she lives several hours away from me we don't get together much...or even talk much on the phone. But every time we are together I get this feeling that she really likes me and I really like her also. I had the chance to be closer to her, physically, over the last several days, in one night we held hands and she was sitting on my lap at our camp site with our friends. But the next day I didn't do anything to pursue a potential relationship...I pretty much pretended like the last night never happened.

 

I've never really had a long relationship, as a matter of fact I've never had a close relationship with anyone in over 5 years...sad, I know. I really wasn't trying to toy around with her emotions, I just don't know what to do. For alot of people I know flirting with a girl and getting a phone number from her is like brushing your teeth...for me I get scared. I get scared of rejection, being jealous, being ridiculed by her, and many more things that have not happened and may never happen.

 

I'm tired of being alone. Do I call this girl and keep in touch until we can be closer(ie same city) or something else.

[bleeder]

Hi Craven,

 

It sounds promising, but you do not know her in depth as yet, so be cautious. Some girls are maestros at the flirting game. Be sure to separate the fake from the real if you do get to know her better.

 

Yes, do give her a call and see how she responds. Keep us posted.

[craven]

I called her and everything went fine, she even sounded interested in hearing from me. I want to keep in touch with her, but I also don't want to smother her with phone calls...I was thinking maybe once a week or so????

 

This girl lives a few hours away from me, are there any things I can do besides calling, to let her know I care....I know getting in my car and driving to see her is one option but what do I do when I get there...how can I let her know that I want to try and be more than just a friend??

[Double J]

It's understandable that you fear rejection, but remember - some girls convey mixed signals without even knowing it. It's only going to get worse if you don't find out for yourself what this girl's motives are. I suggest you (indirectly) try to extricate information from her as to how she feels. Easier said than done, I know, but at least you'll save yourself from wasting time on someone who might not be "feeling it" and you could find someone better for you.

[craven]

I got a chance to get together with this girl that I like. We were at a bar, but she seemed to be all over the place, she is a very social person. We never got to talk much, honestly I never made much of an attempt. I don't know how to keep up with a person like her, talking, dancing, drinking, nonstop. She goes off to University at the end of summer, less than a month. I'm feeling certain that in that kind of atmosphere she may become a different type of person. University is the kind of place you study, party, and get lucky. I still like this girl but I'm feeling just lost right now.

[simply_r]

I agree with Double J....try to find out indirectly if she really likes you.

[craven]

I'm not sure what "indirect" tactics I could use....Do I just ask her if she is interested in someone, not specifiacally me, and listen to how she responds???

[Ceema-k]

hi craven,

I see another problem here and it has nothing to do with finding out if she's taken or if she likes you in that way.

It sorta sounds like the chemistry between you and the girl has stalled or even fizzled out a bit since that camping trip. Being unsure about a girl, to me, is a red flag that your gut instinct is waving to get your attention.

 

But wait, I'm not telling you to quit on her just yet.

 

In my experience, girls will always eventually mention boyfriends or people they are dating in the course of talking to them. If you wanna take my advice, I say keep trying to meet up with her to do things and make it clear that you are "asking her out". And do avoid places like bars where it is too noisy to talk and filled with drunken fools who may distract you and the girl. When you see her, just worry about having fun and getting to know her better. Through your interactions, your attraction for her should come through enough for her to sense. And to take it further, make references to when you guys were camping and how you enjoyed the time you spent together. Taking things further still, try and iniitiate some physical contact, like touching her hand or putting an arm around her. A risky proposition, you might think... but look at it very simply: if she really does want you, will she like what you are doing or shrink away?

 

hope this helps you out a little!

[craven]

Well I've received some news about this girl I like. She moved to a new city to go to school, still close to me, but she has only been there for maybe 3 weeks and she met some other guy. I heard they are also sleeping together.

 

Is it better that I avoid her? I mean she moved to a new city and already has a sexual relationship with a man in only 3 weeks, that's pretty fast moving.

[Andy Scott]

If you're interested in a more fulfilling relationship, then I think you need to move on from this girl. I know it's hard, but I can tell you're a little shocked by the sudden sexual relationship she's had with this man in a mere 3 weeks. I'd say that's a girl you're not compatible with, so don't get down about not being with her. Not to say her relationship won't work...but moving that fast doesn't usually end on a positive note. Just from the details you've given me on how she acts and how you two spend time together, I think it could be an alright friendship, but something that I don't believe would elevate to anything more.

 

Don't lose hope, there's someone out there for you 8)

 

Andy