What's my next step? Really need this advice!!!

[InaDaze87]

First I want to say thanks to all the ENA faithful that give advice and encouraging words through all of the hard as well as happy times. You guys are awesome!!

 

My ex and I have been broken up now for almost 5 weeks now after a 2 year long relationship. Im pretty cool about the whole not being with the person I'm madly in love with thing. It's not so bad. I tried the NC thing and it just didnt work for me. I find it a lot easier to just accept things as they are and try to deal with the problems head on. Thinking about her and the good times even bad times we had actually brings me comfort instead of sadness like most people.

 

She and I may talk once every week or so and it's just to check in on the other to make sure they are doing ok in our separate lives. The thing is even though she broke things off because she felt extremely overwhelmed with this being her first semester of law school and trying to maintain a new LDR, I know she still wants to be together and I do as well. But it kills me that she still acts like it's so easy for her and we both know it's not.

 

She has that "show no emotion even if it kills you" complex. You know, the kind where you will do or say almost anything to show you are strong but when no one's around you ball up in the middle of the kitchen floor and cry for hours. Plus she still doesn't even want to talk or even slighty think about everything that's happened in the past few months between us because she gets all emotional and of course she hates being emotional.

 

After our talk last night she basically (literally) said that she would "run from dealing with this problem between us for as long as she could." And still blames me for suffocating her (from 2hrs away and by only talking once a day for maybe 10 mins if I was lucky) Which really hurts me because even if we aren't together I don't want to have all these unfinished feelings between us. I mean it's obvious to us and everyone around us (friends, family) that we are dying to be together. She just keeps trying to sweep it under the rug, so to speak.

 

Please give me some advice or encouraging words if you guys have any!!

[lukeb]

The reason why you're saying the NC thing is not working for you because keeping contact is a way to keep the relationship going. The only thing you are prolonging is the hurt from the break-up. You haven't actually broken up yet, you are in what I call the bargaining stage, trying to see what you can salvage, believe me its classic what is going on with you. The problem here really is with your girl friend, sounds like she is the one who dumped you. It is really up to her to initiate the NC thing. Eventually though you will see the light, but not before rubbing a lot of salt in your wounds.

 

Take care

[trying2Bbrave]

If you really think that the two of you are "dying to be together", give her a time limit. You said it's her first semester, well most semesters will be ending soon. I understand what it's like to be busy with school. But you can't keep doing this to yourself forever. Maybe talk to her about it, and if the two of you don't get back together by whatever date, time to initiate NC and move on.

[ForumGuy]

She has that "show no emotion even if it kills you" complex

She'll probably make a good lawyer!....You should give her the space she is asking for, needs, or thinks she needs.

[InaDaze87]

The reason why you're saying the NC thing is not working for you because keeping contact is a way to keep the relationship going. The only thing you are prolonging is the hurt from the break-up. You haven't actually broken up yet, you are in what I call the bargaining stage, trying to see what you can salvage, believe me its classic what is going on with you. The problem here really is with your girl friend, sounds like she is the one who dumped you. It is really up to her to initiate the NC thing. Eventually though you will see the light, but not before rubbing a lot of salt in your wounds.

 

Take care

 

For the most part she is the one who dumped me in the end. Initially I was the one who wanted to just end things before it got out of hand because I felt as though she just wanted me to wait around on her to get her life together when it seemed to me that she wasn't even trying. She asked for another chance because she thought she could balance the two (relationship & law school). A couple weeks later she realized that she couldn't and started pushing me away which is were our big confusion took place.

 

And as far as the NC rule, I was in a serious 4yr relationship before this one and my ex then and I found ourselves fighting and dragging the whole ordeal out longer just because we went NC several times and never really sat down to communicate like adults in the first place.