Heart vs. Mind

[FreeAgain]

Well, the ball may be in my court now and im split as what to do.

 

Small summary: 1.5 year relation (over a year living together) and she dumped me about almost 3 months ago for another guy.

 

In the very beginning she admitted to kissing a girl we both knew. I forgave her and we went on to have a great relationship until a few months before it ended. Around January i started having some anxiety problems with just getting out the house and doing things. I did seek help and was trying to get through this. I think the medicine i was on made it even worse (zoloft) and didnt start feeling better until i stopped taking it, which was the same week she left.

 

The last months we were together we werent doing as much together, just getting out, going out and doing the things needed to keep a relationship healthy. When she broke it off, this was a reason, saying i just sat home all the time and our relationship was getting boring.

 

A week later she admitted to cheating during the last weeks before we broke up. She kissed one guy and ended up doing more with another (someone we both knew and would come over and hang out), and that she was now seeing him. The whole week or two after she left was kinda weird. She would come by to get her stuff and when she would go we'd hug and kiss and still both say 'i love you'.

 

Heartbroken (ofc) i came here and got some great advice on getting over it. Tryed NC but was never to good at it. We would talk from time to time, never mentioning us or him. Just the realization of what i lost and that it was partially my own problems that lead up to it really helped getting better with my own personal problems. I did everything i could to keep busy, get out, and get my mind off of her (as much as i could). I ended up trying to convice myself that i hated her for what she did (in order to get over her), but my heart always kept the love i had for her.

 

A friend told me the other day she broke up with the guy she left me for. The reason was 'he just wasnt good enough' or something like that (she always told me i was great ) That night we ended up at the same party and hung out together all night. Went back to a friends and hung out with a few people till real real late. It was kinda weird because it almost felt like we were back in time to when we were still together and happy. We didnt kiss or anything but their was just this strong feeling of closeness between us.

 

Called her the next day to see how she felt (with her hangover) and she invited me over that night. We talked about us. About what lead up to the end. How she felt guilty for leaving me over something that didnt last long. She asked if i hated her for it and i told her my heart still cares too much to hate her.

 

We still both care for each other and now's theres the chance that we end up back together, but im not sure what to do. My heart is still completely in love with her. But my mind keeps telling my that i'd be kinda stupid to try again. How could i trust her again after all she did? And that i may just be setting myself up for another heartbreak.

 

ok, sorry this kinda got long. Just not sure what to do. Rip out my heart and walk away? Ignore my mind and follow my heart? Ive learned alot and changed myself for the better following the breakup. Is there a chance that she learned something about love and changed too?

[craigblitz]

My god I hope nobody gives you answers on what you should do... only you know that buddy... Sorry but you know it is true.

 

As you have leared a lot in 6 months, I am sure she has to. Think about it and go slow... you will know what to do in time my friend.

 

Good luck

[FreeAgain]

My god I hope nobody gives you answers on what you should do... only you know that buddy... Sorry but you know it is true.

 

 

i know, your right about that. 8)

 

Its just the trust issue that has me the most. Should I trust her again? If i do am i stupid for it? Probably most of my friends would say so.

 

The only true answer lies somewhere in the future ( lol, how did lies end up in that sentace?) and thats only if I go another round of blind trust. So my choice is more of a guess as to whether she can truly be committed or not.

 

She called today and wants us to talk tonite when i get off work. Ill try to press her good about what she really wants out of life and how she sees me in it, and of course about commitment. We had talked about marrige and was planning on asking her for real in December (when i graduate). Thats another issue ill bring up, if i move away, is she willing to come with me. After tonite ill take everything she says and think it all over before doing anything. Just hope i dont do anything stupid like waking up their in the morning

 

humph, i really thought all this was over and I was finally doing better. Maybe ill have to change my nick to confusedagain

[k33]

I know almost exactly how you feel. I am not sure if I should try to patch things up with my husband who left 3 1/2 weeks ago. I said we should talk and hang out and see how it goes... He agreed. He's all over the place and so am I. It is almost a comedy really. Maybe a Dramady...

 

Will I ever feel the same way about him? Will I ever trust him? What if I don't try and he was "the guy"? What if I get my heart broke again and again... what if it is great?

 

It's a nightmare and a rollercoaster. I would take your time to figure out what you want. I know that's what I am trying to do, but it amazes me how many times a day I can change my mind on what I want for the rest of my life... crazy times. And yes only you can figure it out. No one else has to live with your descision but you.

 

Good luck!

[FreeAgain]

Well, we met last night and talked about alot of things. She was very emotional and i was kinda surprised about all the feelings she still had for me. When it ended, I truly thought it was over for good (i guess that comes from past experiences).

 

She said she never lost any feelings for me and cared for me just as much as ever. She did feel like she needed more space towards the end but truly regreted the way she got it. There was alot guilt she felt for how it ended and wasnt sure if i would ever be able to forgive her and trust her again. Just alot of emotional stuff with her crying about what had happened and how she wishes we could end up together as we were before.

 

We were at a point (before she left) where we talked alot about marriage. I had to be sure she wanted the same things as before, so i did have alot of questions for her. What she wanted out of life (in gerneral and with me). How she pictured the future being with me and if thats what she truly wanted. And for that to happen I would have to be the last. Also that I am graduating and moving away in Dec/Jan and how she felt about that (if she would leave everything here and come with me).

 

Everything she said was honest and from the heart and what i wanted to hear. I havent been able to forget the feelings i had for her, so we did decide to give our love another try. Trust will be a big issue and she knows that, but i think we both learned a lot from to whole experience (even as crappy as it was)I do have a big heart (maybe too big) so i will be able to forgive and have some sort of blind trust.

 

Some may think im a chump for taking her back, but I feel she could be one of the best things in life for me. If I do end up back here and heartbroken, then its shame on me, but im going with my heart on this one and i really think it'll be great.

 

Thanks for all the support over the past few months

 

(notso)freeagain

[craigblitz]

Buddy follow your heart with sound reasoning then you will never regret it.. I am not saying you won't be on this board again, but good call. I sure this gives a lot of hope to a lot of people on this board.. It sounds like you did the NC correctly... you didn't contact her too much and let her dictate the flow of things...

 

I wish you nothing but the happiest of happy times and pray that you never have to go through this again...