Help!!

[k33]

Hi Everyone,

Just back on the rollercoaster that is my life... So my husband's sister is staying with me, and we are separated. I saw him for the first time Friday since he left... 3 weeks. We've talke on the phone several times, sometimes thing are fine and other times he is an ass.

 

So I see him and all the loving emotions stirred back up and he was hugging me and telling me how good I looked, flirted a little bit and all. You know friendly nice. So I am confused, like you would be. And we agreed to spend time together and see where it goes.

 

So then he comes over last night and we are talking laughing, you know nice, and I go to give him a hug and he says, "don't get your hopes up". OUCH... So we talked a little bit and I said I wasn't going to hang with them today, I am hoping his sister is getting some information or something, cause she doesn't get it at all.

 

So yeah, I am bawling my eyes out and not knowing what to do or where to go. I talked to my mom and she was telling me I was an idiot for even thinking of getting back with him. I wasn't trying to get him to move back in and forget everything... take it slow, new start, that kind of thing...

 

Some background: we were fighting for about 6 months. I was frustrated by his lack of communication... and I still am... he was drinking too much and was depressed. but now I just don't know, I am 50/50 on it...

 

I feel used, sad and tired... I just don't know what to do. He doesn't seem to have any emotions about this... poor communicator though, and is bottling it up.

 

I thought if we hung out some I could get either closure or answers or my love back... I don't even know what I want. I was so over it last week, now I am so unsure.

 

So my real question is ... does anyone bounce back into a relationship after this kind of thing, does it work again? I know I should let him go, but I don't want to...

 

Ugh.

[saltwatergirl]

Hmm. You say you 2 discussed hanging out and seeing where it goes.....is he agreeable to that? Is he willing to give you a chance and actually "see where it goes"? If so, then I think you should take a chance. Go out to eat, invite him over to watch movies, "date" each other again.

 

If however he is going to say things like "Don't get your hopes up" that to me would tell me he is still thinking negatively about it and not wanting to actually try. If that's the case, I'd forget it for now.

 

Maybe a heart to heart with him would be helpful. Tell him what you'd like to do, and if he is willing to do it that you are too. If he hesitates, is unsure, or otherwise reacts negatively to your interest, then you know, you just have to let it go. Realize you parted for a reason, and that reason still is there.

 

It is common to 2nd guess yourself and your decision. For it to work out, 2 of you have to want it, and try it. Not just you. Good luck keep us posted.

[k33]

There are plenty of reasons for us to part... but there are plenty to get back together too... god it sucks. I am going to talk to him and lay it on the line. But I think I am going to wait a while, that way I might be able to figure out what I want for sure..

 

It was so much work to be together that it seems so stupid to let it go after one year of marriage. I feel totally burned...

 

I do want my baby back, but I don't want to fight anymore and things would have to change. Alot... on both of our parts... I feel like such a wimp and a dope for having all these feelings still.

 

Unfortunately the heart doesn't always listen to the head.

[486dx4]

The other posts are much the same as what I was thinking. A lot of this will only work if both of you are willing to give things a fresh start. You seem to care about him very much and here you see this possibility of getting back together where he does not seem to be all that plugged into this with that "don't get your hopes" up quote. To me that says quite a bit about things.

 

So have I see these things work in terms of bouncing back? With one couple I have seen this seem to work so far where they broke up for many months, got back together, and now they are engaged. Of course who knows what is truly going on there but both seem real happy.

 

With my ex girlfriend, she is back seeing her former long term (10 years) ex boyfriend after she dumped me and after 2 months+ of seeing each other she is planning on moving back in with him after being broke up for about 1 1/2 years. I got the whole story that things are "different now" even though the stuff I heard from her when we were going out about how badly he treated her was wild. Will this last? - I have no idea and for all I know they probably will get married in time. I think though that with the way he treated her back then that this will most likely return.

 

All I can say is be careful and realistic about all of this which is a very easy thing to say when you are not emotionally involved. I too have the fantasy of trying to get back together with my ex but unless she was truly into it and made some real life changes this would be very unrealistic. But after all of this you still seem to care about the person - its crazy stuff....

[k33]

I know, why do we still care when they behave badly? Doesn't make any sense. I keep thinking I am over it, then bam right in the gut again! I know it takes two, and I keep hoping that he will see the light, but I doubt it, I just have to learn not to hope, and then if something happens I'll be pleasantly surprised.

 

At this point, I can't picture trusting another man ever again. He told me he'd love me forever, but I guess that is only until our first wedding anniversary... Forever is a mighty short time after all. I mean things were great until about 6 months into our marriage... so I am terrifed that I will never trust someone to love me again... Or to love someone else again. I'm afraid I will shut down emotionally... and that is so not me.

 

I dunno man, it's rough.

[k33]

Well I talked to him today and we did agree to try to be friends and see what happens and we both agree that we shouldn't live together for a while no matter what. I feel a bit better, I don't know if anything will work out... it is pretty darned broken right now. But since we are married and all it can't hurt to check it out. There was really great reasons we got together in the first place and I still remember all of that. So I am going to try to get on with my life, but make a place for him in there and see if it can blossom again.

 

It could not work and I am prepared for that, but I need to at least try. I don't want to leave my marriage without trying everything first. I think that is ok. My friends and family won't dig it, and I am going to have to stop talking about it with them, I am such a motor mouth though. I have to just do what I need to do for myself no matter what anyone else thinks.

 

I might get really really hurt here, this is unchartered waters for me, but like I said I want to make sure we have both tried everything. I did tell him that he has to be honest with me and communicate with me because otherwise nothing will get better for us. And we need to both realize that we made big mistakes. No one is perfect. And we need to both be better to eachother. He agreed and was relieved I didn't want him to move back in. That wouldn't be healthy. We need time, space, and perspective to decide what we really want to do here. What do you guys think?