About to meet for the first time.....so excited and soooo nervous!

[Delusional Kisses]

Over the Thanksgiving holiday, I'll be traveling over 700 miles to meet the man I have been talking to for the past 6 months. I am very excited and I like him very much. I'm still nervous about it. What if he is disappointed? What if it is awkward? I won't be going alone. My sister and her husband will be going with me as we are making a road trip out of it and stopping for a few nights in another town before heading his way for our last night and then home. I'm trying to make it a casual meeting with no lingering there. You know...see if we really like each other...test the waters, etc. If we do in fact like our time together, another trip can be planned for a longer visit. Anyway, does anyone have any advice for me? I'd love to hear other experiences. We met on a weight loss site back in April and text and/or talk everyday.

[Bunney]

Oh how exciting! I have a couple of experiences with guys that I met online (no dating sites though), and since you'd like to hear some, here they are: the first one was a guy that I spent about four months talking to online, the connection we had through the internet was incredible and we were already exclusive before meeting. Well he flew to my country to meet me, and at first it was quite awkward, we didn't talk much on the way to my house, and blushed all the time lol. But that fade as we got more comfortable around eachother and then it was fantastic. We lasted 3 years.

 

The second guy is someone that was just an online friend at first, but we spent so much time talking on msn everyday (I think about 8 monts), connecting so wonderfully and eventually developing some feelings for eachother (god I miss that kind of connection now that I think about him, he was so funny and we made eachother laugh all the time and thought so highly of eachother).

well I made a trip to his country to meet him and some other friends, and even though we did connect irl too I kinda felt it wasn't the same. I didn't want to take it further cause I wasn't very attracted to him and like I said, things were different with us irl (same doesn't go for him though, he said he would like a relationship with me if I lived in his country). Still it was great to meet him but we didn't have lot of contact since then.

 

The third one was a guy I really liked at first too and he was very handsome in all his pictures which made it all even better. We met after about 2 months, and the second I saw him I knew I wasn't into him. Just the way he presented himself... and he wasn't as goodlooking, and too tall, which is always a huge turn-off to me. He also barely made me laugh and I felt no real connection with him.

 

 

So you see, it can turn out positive and negative. I think if you connected very well for about 6 months and also talked on the phone, chances are very good that the meeting will turn out fine. Believe me, I know your worries. I have felt the same everytime before I met a guy. Even now I feel this way about someone new, someone I've been talking to for a long time online, I sometimes think if we meet someday, what if I won't be good enough, or we don't connect, or he will be disappointed with how I look (he's ridiculously good-looking and actually outta my league and I think I'm gonna feel intimidated). Buuuut as everyone says, it's counter-productive to be thinking this way (self-fulfilling prophecy I think?), and don't worry too much before about it being awkward cause often when I worried about that, it was only awkward because I worried it was awkward, meaning I tense up thinking "am I awkward now? What do I reply now? Should I try to crack a joke? Should I say this or that? Do I look weird atm?" lol it's really really lame...

 

Why would he be disappointed? With your looks? I found out the best way to prevent this from happening is sending realistic photos of yourself... people tend to only wanna show photos where they look good, and are in a certain angle. Or do you mean disappointed in you? well unless you have been presenting him an image of yourself that isn't really you, I think it will be fine. And hey if it doesn't work out eventually it's not the end of the world either. What did I hear someone say once... men are like streetlights, the next one's just around the corner? Good luck and tell us how it went!

[Batya33]

I think you have a healthy attitude but I would have the mindset that this is like meeting a near stranger on a blind date because the typing/talking is mostly irrelevant to in person chemistry, with looks being the least of the reason why it is irrelevant. That's great that you're not going alone ,too. Have fun!

[Delusional Kisses]

Thank you for your stories. I'm very excited about meeting him..even if it turns out to be negative. I've only had one other experience with meeting someone and that time, it was completely blind...neither of us had seen a photo of the other. He was very pleased and I was lied to...lol...but it really didn't matter that he ended up being closer to Grizzly Adams than Vin Diesel. I was already in love. Of course, it didn't pan out well. He admitted that he initially was only looking for sex and felt otherwise and I was only looking for flirting and left otherwise. After years of me being in love with him and me being nothing more than his best friend, I decided to end our friendship all together earlier this year. So this is my first steps in a long time to meeting someone on a romantic level.

[ibu]

Oooooh, good luck!! Let us know how it's been!

In 12 days I'm going to meet an online friend that I've been writing to for 1 year and 8 months! I couldn't be more excited. We both wanted to meet so much!

But at the same time I'm terrified that it might be awkward, and I don't want it to be.

[eatpraylove]

So far so good for me...I have a LDR with someone I met online dating site...lots of photos, lots of talks later, we met...talk about nervous anticipation...kinda almost got sick a couple times...but it's been what we both expected and we are very much into each other. We're lucky in that we are a 2 hr plane trip or days roadtrip fro eachother, so we can make plans once a month for now and then see where it goes..but we're def looking at longterm here.

 

Good luck, I'm pulling for you.

[Delusional Kisses]

Thank you all so much for your stories. They all really do help alot. I really like this guy and I'm hoping for the best and no awkwardness.

[ibu]

Well, in the meantime I met my guy. Oh my god. It was everything it promised to be and more. I was so nervous flying in to meet him because I kept thinking about possible awkwardness.....but there was none. Seriously, none at all. We met and we started talking and it was as if we had known each other our whole lives. (we have been e-mailing and calling for over a year and a half, though feelings didn't develop until about 7 months ago...) I spent an amazing 6 days in his company. Now I'm home again and it's probably another 6 months until we see each other again. I miss him sooooooo much!

[Batya33]

Glad it went well! Is there any way to meet him again sooner?

[ibu]

Glad it went well! Is there any way to meet him again sooner?

 

Of course there is, but since he lives on the other side of the world, it's always going to be a big financial thing to see each other right now...so for now we settled on 6 months. But we'll see how it goes, I guess....

[ut804]

i don't bother getting nervous/ excited for someone im going to meet off the internet because 95% of the time for me I don't feel chemistry and he's a disappointment. but you never know, there were some guys i did like. good luck!

[Batya33]

Of course there is, but since he lives on the other side of the world, it's always going to be a big financial thing to see each other right now...so for now we settled on 6 months. But we'll see how it goes, I guess....

 

What were your feelings and plans before you met about how you would have a relationship if you met and were interested in each other in person?

[ibu]

What were your feelings and plans before you met about how you would have a relationship if you met and were interested in each other in person?

 

It's complicated right now because of our professional situations, and what else not...we can't just drop everything and elope together...

But if it were to work out in the future, I would definitely consider moving to his country.

As for now, we have amazing communication online...daily (long) emails, many phone conversations, webcamming, texting, etc...Not a day goes by that I don't hear from him. That still doesn't take away the fact that I miss him like crazy!

[Batya33]

It's complicated right now because of our professional situations, and what else not...we can't just drop everything and elope together...

But if it were to work out in the future, I would definitely consider moving to his country.

As for now, we have amazing communication online...daily (long) emails, many phone conversations, webcamming, texting, etc...Not a day goes by that I don't hear from him. That still doesn't take away the fact that I miss him like crazy!

 

It sounds like both of you are content with keeping this to mostly typing and talking and that you were both prepared before you met that that would be the arrangement. Have fun!

[ibu]

It sounds like both of you are content with keeping this to mostly typing and talking and that you were both prepared before you met that that would be the arrangement. Have fun!

 

I'm not sure whether to say thank you, or ask if you meant that sarcastically.

[Batya33]

Not sarcastic at all- it sounds like you know the limits of this arrangement, knew the limits from early on,and both desire the arrangement anyway. It wouldn't be for me- would be too much fantasy/longing/yearning and not enough reality but it works great for certain people.

[ibu]

I don't "desire" the "arrangement" at all...of course I'd rather spend time with him than keep writing e-mails....but reality is what it is right now...

[Batya33]

I don't "desire" the "arrangement" at all...of course I'd rather spend time with him than keep writing e-mails....but reality is what it is right now...

 

By desire I meant that you chose to get to know him and chose to meet him knowing you wouldn't be able to see him much at all. The reality is what it is because of those choices. Other people would choose differently because they would not want to get involved in an arrangement like this. I am not judging your choice.

[ibu]

OK, I get what you're saying. But it's not like this was planned. We started out as penpals bonding over a common hobby, and were only that for a long time. I didn't plan to fall in love with him, but it happened anyway somewhere along the way. So yeah...then I guess I did make a choice to continue getting to know him better and eventually meet him, that's true.

Were you ever in a situation like this? Did you choose to discontinue the relationship at the point where you realized you had feelings for someone because you couldn't see them very much?