fear of looking good ?

[someguy87]

long time ago in high school, I used gel and started to experiment with different styles. But my mom and sister (family is ultra conservative) laughed at me saying only sissy's style their hair. They were joking but I took it to the heart.

 

Afterwards I never tried to look good, care about fashion or hair style. I was quite jealous of my friends who had their own unique fashion tastes.

 

My mom is really against the idea of men buying their own clothes, being aware of fashion, saying only gay people do it.

 

I bought new clothes a year ago since I was going to a party. I thought was cool and she totally raged at me, telling me to return the clothes and that I got ripped off (well kinda right about the last part). She said I don't know how to pick out clothes (which is true probably) and that I should wear whatever she buys (schoolboy style). But for me, I liked the clothes, I bought it. I thought of it as a first step towards something new, but it was crushed.

 

She also went as far as to saying that I look like a * * * * * * (what is gay about dark dress shirt and jeans from Guess, which is clearly intended for men to wear) ? You might be laughing but she completely flipped. I also bought a matching shoes, and she said people will think I am gay ???

 

Now I have this fear of styling my hair, buying new clothes. Especially my hair. I am so afraid of what people think (but my logic tells me people tend to have better things to do, and have short attention span and memory if it doesn't concern them), especially afraid of my mom and sister's reactions.

 

So after these experiences, when I try out a new hair style or new hair cut, I just destroy it and do not like the phobia that has developed. I can't even touch my hair and stay in the house as she is always judging me, saying I look like trash and that I should look like * * * * ing schoolboy which apparently is the only acceptable style.

[Lamour detruit]

Ignore what your mom says, she is full of it. Nothing wrong with wanting to look good man, just means you want to take care of yourself, and look good for yourself and others. That is not a bad thing. Do whatever you want to do.

 

Your mom has some issues, and the issue is her, not you nor your style.

[Lamour detruit]

Ignore this, damn duplicate post.

[AutumnBorn]

Your mother is controlling. Forget what she says. Tell her you appreciate her advice and efforts, but you've got your own style and, if she does buy you something and it doesn't fit your style, you'll let her know she should return it, though you appreciate her thoughtfulness. Be firm, but not mean. She cares. She just doesn't know how to let go. There are plenty of gay men who don't know how to dress, so it's not a gay thing. I know. I live in Seattle. I see the gay men who dress badly every day.

 

The way you dress says a lot about you. It it isn't just about how you look, it makes you feel confident, more outgoing, so it's important you do this for yourself.

 

You need to learn from the experts.

 

First, get a good cut. Go to the nicest salon and tell them to give you a great hair cut, do whatever they want, just make sure it's the best cut for you, not just what's in style.

 

Second, look at some magazines or google men's fashion fall 2010, then hit the images tab. You'll get some ideas there. You may see $500 jeans, but you don't have to buy them. You're just looking for the style, the wash, the cut. And you only want to buy what looks good on you. Check out websites like J. Crew and Nordstrom and Banana Republic and the Gap. See what looks you like and go find similar things.

 

Some things every man should own: A great fitting pair of jeans. A button down white, cotton dress shirt - roll up the sleeves to dress it down. A black belt. A pair of black casual dress shoes - doesn't matter if they're a loafer or Doc Martens, anything but athletic shoes. A long sleeved t-shirt (the Gap usually has them). A suit-style jacket. Classic styles you can wear to any event.

 

Personal style is a huge thing and it's developed over time. When you don't feel good in what you're wearing, you don't feel as good as you should, so tell your mom "thanks, but no thanks". She sounds a bit homophobic. A confident, well-dressed man isn't gay. He's hot, whatever his sexual preference is.

 

Good luck.

[LightbulbSun]

Wow, your mom is a piece of work. And homophobic, too. Wow.

 

Look up the term 'metrosexual.' Most guys are metrosexuals now, because they're straight, but they want to look good so they put a lot of money and time into their appearance.

 

Also, you don't have to style your hair to look good. Plenty of shaved head guys, who look fine. It's mostly based upon your face, rather than your hair.