lonely...

[LAYAAN]

I have wondered many many times... what's the point in living life like this? lonely and fighting against many odds of life alone. People don't always understand what I'm going through. I'm getting tired of explaining what I'm going through. I have friends that I hang out with, but noone that I can call my own. My parents care for me and want to see me happy, but they don't always understand what my challenges are either.

Tried looking for a husband, didn't work. Had 2 failed relationships, I wasn't respected in those relationships. What's the use of living life like this? I'll be one old lady with noone to come home to... unless I choose to simply settle with any man.... hopefully I find some guy, any guy... a taker. Currently I'm on a antidepressant, antianxiety pill. It works sometime... sometime it doesn't. What's the point in living a lonely life, looking at other happy couples... wondering what the heck is wrong with you?

My only motivation right now to live life is that my parents are alive and I dont' want to see them suffer if I kill myself. I can't tell anyone at school that I really wish I would be dead because they would take me to hospital and tie me down to bed and my studies would suffer. I'm tired of being lonely and getting turned down by men... I can't stop thinking about my singlehood and how bothersome it is to get mistreated by others.

[Sparkly Eyes]

I very much relate to how you feel and I struggle with some of the same problems. The truth is tho, think about it...now you said you are not killing yourself, that's established. So is it better to be miserable alive or happy(even if you have to force yourself to it) alive? Like they say, get busy living or get busy dying. You have to change your focus from being on your singlehood to other things in life that you might enjoy. Just remind yourself that there is absolutely no point in feeling the way you do...it won't help you in any way. It just wastes some of the beautiful years of your life.

 

EDIT: How can people edit their thread subjects?

[kendra30752]

well, i certainly know what you are going through. I too, am on antianxiety meds. I know thats hard and when i was 15, i was raped, beat, drugged and nearly killed and thats when I started thinking that there was no point. I didnt think like this all the time though, only here and there. Also, I have been dealing with endometriosis, and anxiety for several years. The endo. has destroyed my organs and caused me to lose 2 children, now im unable to have any at all. just had surgery for the endo but, I got to the point where i was in so much pain that I wanted to die. I thought i would never stop hurting, from losing my babies, and from the pain of my endometriosis, and the rape it just felt like i was always hurting. I recovered well it took a while and a lot of help from God and my loved ones but I made it. It will always be a struggle sometimes but its important that you FIND a way, any way to pull through. And about the not having a man thing... so what. You do not NEED a man to make you happy. If you can not make your self happy, then, no man will ever be able to. You can not wait around for someone else to make you happy. And that is a big responsibility to put on someone. You need to learn how to be happy and love yourself before you can let soemone love you. Try writing down everything that you have been blessed with. when you finally do break out of the rut, and heal then, you will find someone. Its hard to find someone when your this depressed and down on yourself, if anything itwill scare men away. you cant base your happiness around how men treat you.

[newwave]

I know exactly what you are going through. My biggest fear is I'll be alone the rest of my life and unemployed. I too am seriously considering suicide because my life feels empty. I dread the holidays coming up because of this and because I see my family with their happy marriages and financially secure lives while I suffer, then ask myself why can't my wishes come true. I keep telling myself things will get better, that everyone gets theirs in the end (whether good or bad) but makes me wonder.

[Frippy83]

I have MANY days similar to the way you feel about your life right now. I am 27. No boyfriend, no-one interested in me, not a lot of hope left as not even my friends are that nice to me so life can get pretty lonely.

 

All I can say is that life wont feel like this forever. I have great weeks, then I have horrible weeks, it's just life. It's hard.

 

I had to learn to be happy with who I am, with or without a man. I too used to focus all my un-happiness on the fact that I didn't have a guy so I had to change the way I looked at life. Yes, it would be a bonus to be happy in love and have something to live for, but you still have plenty of reasons to wake up in the morning. Your family, studies, your future. You want to experience all that life has to offer. You want to know what it feels like to be loved unconditionally, what it would feel like to have children, graduate, make something of yourself. You wont experience any of those things if you end your life.

 

Try and find a way to be content with who you are and you'll find that you will attract someone when the time is right and things will flow from there. Set little weekly goals. Make your biggest goal graduating then work from there! You'll be happy that you have achieved your goals and anything else will be a bonus.

 

You wont be alone forever - hang in there - there are many people who love you and who wouldn't survive if you werent here - do it for them.

[sweety74]

Okay as someone who has given up a lot to be in relationships and still regretting the things I didn't do before I settled down

 

ENJOY BEING SINGLE - TRY NEW THINGS - GO TO PLACES YOU HAVEN'T BEEN TO BEFORE - ENJOY THE SUN ON YOUR FACE, ENJOY BEAUTIFUL THINGS! TAKE CLASSES IN THINGS THAT INTEREST YOU. GO WILD!!!! STYLE YOURSELF HOW YOU WANT TO STYLE YOURSELF - NOT FOR SOMEONE ELSE. ENJOY IT WHILE YOU CAN.......

 

Instead of complaining about how lonely you are. You cannot rely on the companionship of a significant other for your happiness. If you can't make yourself happy then you are going to be miserable for someone else to be around.

 

You're already going into the search for a relationship thinking it will be doomed to fail or will be miserable. Thats not helping you at all. Have a bit of faith.

[LAYAAN]

Thanks for the replies. It helps to read the replies. I hope I can cope up and pull myself out of this miserable feeling, I feel today.

[SadMan]

Wow, I feel your pain.....I had two failed relationship both lasted 5 years.........when you get in the age of 30 its kinda hard to start meeting the right people. Every one around me is either married or in a stable relationship about to get marry. Every day go home, go to work, come home, maybe go hang out with people you know for years. Its tough to go home alone. Just keep hoping I guess. One day you will meet the person that you have some common interest and start building from there. When we are this old, is hard to find the person of your dreams.

[LAYAAN]

I don't want to live. I'm so down and discouraged today. I just want to go home to my parents and call it a day. I have never had a dream guy. I was looking for someone I could get along with and come home to. That is too much to ask for these days. I just want to die than living with this pain.