F married life

[Maroney555]

After much pondering and multiple days of this thought popping into my head, I think I'm realizing I'm not happy in this marriage.

 

Only 7 months in and o feel like I'm counting days simply so I won't be shamed by a divorce so soon.

 

I cant trust him, we fight about dumb stuff, often I wonder if we can even have fun without substance (alcohol, cigarettes, him and marijuana) which 50% the time ends up in more fights.

 

Ahh! Parents and friends said not to and that I was crazy for getting married so young....God, is it true...?

[Ivory_Tower]

How old are you?

 

How long were you dating for?

[Maroney555]

22 and we were together 2 1/2 years before marriage total of 3 years 1 month together.

 

And he's 9 years older

[Ivory_Tower]

22 and we were together 2 1/2 years before marriage total of 3 years 1 month together.

 

And he's 9 years older

 

What do you think changed along the way? Did you like it when you lived with him?

[abitbroken]

It is not the age that is a problem at all. It's the substance use. Ending the marriage will not fix the problem. I suggest that you both get help - support groups, counseling, narc-anon, al-anon and even medical help. I am not saying divorce is right or wrong for you but before dealing with that - a huge wound and upheavel - get help. I can't guarantee who you will both be afterwards - you might find when you are clean you have nothing in common or will find that you can have a loving marriage. I don't know. But that should be the priority right now. it is taking over your lives. If he refuses to get help along with you, move out temporarily or he does but only if you surround yourself with people who DO NOT use and who will support you.

[Imprecision]

What's his view on this?

[Miss Firecracker]

If you went into the relationship using drugs and alcohol, then you really don't even know each other.

 

Likely you would both be in shock if you had to go through detox. You'd have to get to know each other all over again. But you could give it a try. Otherwise, things will not improve in the relationship. Downhill all the way.

[lostnscared]

I don't know if it's the age as much as the fact that you probably weren't ready, but I do think that being 22 and married is actually pretty young. They said that at least waiting until 25 is a much better marriage situation than marrying under that age. I also think where you are in life matters--in terms of being done with school, having a career, being independent for a bit before settling down, and having a supportive spouse with the same goals as you. It seems like right now there are so many "changes" going on--from you trying nursing school, to just turning 22, to not having much time on your own as an independent adult, to marrying a man because it felt right when maybe it just wasn't "time" yet. I wouldn't feel too bad. You certainly aren't the first person around that age group to realize that marriage is very difficult, and seems to be more so when your younger and inexperienced. Something to think about--is are you sure you guys just aren't having a rough year? The first few years of marriage are the hardest.

 

The drug and alcohol issues speak of far greater issues. I wonder if you both went into rehab, then counseling and then working on getting to know each other--may help.

[Maroney555]

Hey mods and everyone,

 

This is really embarrassing, and thanks for all the responses, but I didn't write this. I had this account logged on for a friend last night (embarrassing part: while we were drinking) because she wanted to check the site out and told me this morning that she made this thread as a joke.

 

Can I kindly request this be removed please?

 

For all that have suggested rehab and everything, etc. I assure you that I do not have a problem with drugs or alcohol. My friend was just being a brat since we were drinking last night and I was venting to her about my marriage. As I've mentioned in other posts, I do not drink often and I don't get to the point of drunk or black out drunk.

 

So again, thanks everyone for responding..this community is immensely helpful and so kind.

 

lost: I could use part of your post in that we are just having a hard year...he's gotten an increase in hours, worked extra over the summer and ya, I am trying my hardest to get into nursing school, so it's just stressful and we don't get to see each other as often as we would like.

[Maroney555]

Actually, it's fine to keep this up...since people responded, I would rather have my truthful side of the story up on this one.