Girlfriend of 3 years needs space

[wickedbusa]

I am new to talking about my personal life on the internet, but right now, I feel so alone. I was married for 7 years, divorced, and have been with my current girlfriend for 3 years. For the past couple of weeks, she had been quieter than usual, very uncharacteristic of her. Her and I have had a wonderful relationship. The communication is there, the intimacy is there, and despite the long distance between us for the past year, we have been able to keep our relatioship strong. I visit her quite often, we talk on the phone, email each other, chat, you name it. Our conversations have always been deep and meaningful. Yesterday, after a civilized discussion about why she has been so quiet lately, she told me that she needed some time off for herself. She doesn't know why she has feelings of anger. She did tell me that she was in no way upset at me, and she did tell me that she was still deeply in love with me. I am deeply in love with her also and can't imagine my life without her in it. She has called me a couple of times since last night, and we've talked for a few minutes, but it's not quite the same. She is not cheating on me and I am not cheating on her. I know some of you might say that I am wrong, but this girl is different. She has two children from her previous marriage, and has always been a sweetheart. Since moving, she has had to take depression pills, although when I go and visit, she will spend a few days with me alone, not take a single pill, and is happy as always. I want to marry this girl, and we have talked about it before. We have a long distance relationship because of school, but we have made promises to each other to stay exclusive with each other. All I keep reading about asking for space is just another way of saying the relationship is over. Is it possible that my girlfriend just needs some genuine time alone? Her and I have had this connection since we met where we can sense that something is wrong. I know it probably sounds corny, but it is the truth. I am going to go and see her this weekend, and she told me that she was okay with seeing me, but just to give her some time alone for the next few days. Someone please tell me that i am not going to lose her, I don't want to cry anymore.

[Hannibal]

Well the thing about needing space leading to a break up is that more often then not the person needing space never really gets the space because we go crazy and can't stop phoning and what not asking if they've had their space.

 

If she is being truthful with you then it doesn't sound like you will loose her. However what you need to do is to really give her the space that she needs.

 

Best of luck to you!

[spiderman_56]

lol..if she says she needs space and she probably need some space.

And "space" is alwayz good cuz it makes u re-evaluate ur feelings for someone and if she really loves , she will love u even more when she has had her space...

hope this helps 8)

[wickedbusa]

Thanks for the replies everyone. This is very difficult for me, and yes, I am going crazy trying so hard to give her the space she asked for. I'm trying to keep myself distracted, but I just can't stop thinking about her. During this phase of giving her space, does this mean that her and I have "broken up"?

[d346]

my advice to you...give her her space!!! Don't freak out. it will be ok. People go through ups and downs in their lives, -sometimes it has nothing to do with you, but they have to discover that for themselves.

 

Trust me, It could be/get so much worse. Giving her the space since you guys are long distance could actually be not so hard. Just skip a weekend and see how it goes...

 

I ran into this, and I freaked out. I became very insecure, and instead of giving the needed space, I held on tighter. (I would try to give him space, but then suggest doing things that seemed not too intense, call and be upset about his tone of voice -I became really insecure) It finally blew up, and he REALLY needed space. We broke up for a month!!!

 

But even if that were to happen, (worst case scenareo) We didn't talk during that time, and he realized how much he missed having me in his life. So he came around. And now, after our time apart, I don't feel so insecure on my own. -Just happy to have him back in my life, and I have a newfound confidence that he DOES want to be with me. He proved it to me by coming back and telling me so.

[wickedbusa]

 

 

I am really trying to stay calm and stop wondering what she is doing. I keep telling myself that she will be back in my life, it's just that sometimes I lose focus and start to think about her again. I guess it doesn't help much when everything around me at work and at home reminds me of her.

[Bluetooth]

I am having the same problem right now with my girlfriend of 5 years. She says that for some time now she hasn't been happy. She says she loves me and all, but she is confused and feels like she needs to be left alone. It IS really hard not to think about her or not call her. Sometimes I break and call her, just to see how she is doing or how her day is going. She gets annoyed and the conversation does not go anywhere.

 

I do not know how long these tihngs take and wish there was an easier way to deal with it. There is really nothing we can do for them, except wait.

[wickedbusa]

Bluetooth,

 

You need to implement the NC rule and stick to it no matter how hard it is. I know how hard it is to not call, but you have to keep yourself busy and do other things. Go hang out with some friends, or go out and meet new friends. Join a gym, or go out and enjoy some of the hobbies you like. Calling her is only going to be destructive to your mental state. You have to focus on yourself and make yourself happy. You have to stray from the fact that your world used to revolve around her, when in fact, it does not revolve around her any longer. Stay strong. During my difficult time, I found it comforting being on this website and talking to people who were there for me, even though in reality, they are complete strangers. We are all here for each other and you are no exception. PM me if you need someone to talk to. Good luck and stay strong!!!

[rnr]

yes listen to these people bc my gf broke up with me bc she needed a break and i wouldnt let go and things only got worse. i havent called her in like a week or so but the last time i time i talked to her she was just mean to me. if i hadnt have pressed things in the beggining we would have probly gotten back together but now she wants nothing to do with me.

[Bluetooth]

wickedbusa, how did it turn out for you? Are you still waiting?

[wickedbusa]

If you look up my username, you will find my post called "NC Worked - But she left me." She decided to not come back to me and went back to her abusive ex. It is hard, but I am doing okay. I have met new people and have been going out with friends. I have been my old self again and although I do get flashbacks here and there, I remain strong. Sometimes I need to be by myself just for some time alone, but all in all, I am doing well.

[Bluetooth]

I am sorry to hear that. I was hoping you'd say you ended up together. But I am very glad to hear you are doing well.

 

I just wonder what it is that drove her to push me away the way she did. We've been doing everything together and just seemed like she was happy. I just saw her a few days ago and she appeared normal. The following day she tells me she wants space and she is not happy about the relationship. She says she loves me but something needs to change, and she doesn't know what.

 

I think the problem may be partially my fault, because I was always there for her. She lives in Brooklyn, and I live in Jersey. The trip is over 1 hour away from my house.

 

During her late classes at school, I'd pick her up from her school in Manhattan drive her to brooklyn and go home, just to avoid her taking the subway at such a late hour. I would take her to take care of her errands since she does not drive. I was always there and perhaps that is the problem.

 

I usually see her 3-4 times a week, and saw her 5 times last week. Before she told me she wanted space, I offered to hang out with her on Monday, she said I'd rather you come on Wed. because I saw you almost every day last week. So I will see her tomorrow. I do not know how to behave or act towards her. Should I act as nothing has happened? Should I remain quiet most of the time, just so I do not say the wrong thing, or what... ? She says she does not get a chance to miss me because we always talk or hang out and she is confused.

 

I just have an extremely hard time even imagining my life without her. I have come from a student to a successful business owner through the 5 years we have been together, and have shared with her a lot. Took her to the islands a couple of times, different cities around the country, and Canada. That being said, my best memories are with her. It'd be very upsetting and painful to know that my best memories are in return the most painful. I cannot even think about them, to feel better, if she decides she does not want to be with me anymore.

 

I am also more sensitive than she is about love. I have never cheated on her and have always shared my problems and my happiness with her.

 

Well thanks for "listening" while I was venting.