Is it possible to have intimacy without sex?

[Tinkerbell]

Hello everyone,

Today I was having a conversation with one of my very good friends when the topic of intimacy and sex came up. She has only been seeing her boyfriend for 4 weeks and has already had intercourse with him, which I must admit concernced me. When I asked her about it she said it was because she wanted to feel closer to him. Now in my opinion people don't need to have sex in order to be intimate, but I know a few people who think otherwise, the majority of these people being males. It seems to me that "becoming more intimate" is just a reason that people try to use in order to have sex, as I have often encountered couples who aren't sexually active that are much closer than couples who are. Intimacy (to me) can be achieved through a variety of ways, even a walk in the park, a candlelit dinner, a picnic at the beach! I'd like to know what other people think though, do you believe that in order to be intimate with someone in a relationship you have to have sex?

[June4life]

I totally agree with you. There are a million other ways to be intimate with someone without having sex. Like you said, "becoming closer" is probably just an excuse for a guy to get some, and gain some status with his friends. It's probably a social thing with guys to be able to talk with their friends or something, I dunno though.

[Beec]

It is possible, but sexual intimacy is one big way to show that you trust the other person. While there are other ways, it is the most common. Of course, trust can be broken or breached. If the guy is "jsut" there to get some, then he is not being intimate at all. I also think that one could usually tell if that is the case.

[sarahmaria]

hey,

i think everyone has a point here..

to me, i consider sex to be a very intimate experience... it can be given to anyone but it doesnt always mean the same with everyone you experience it with..

if a relationship is only based on sex, then that really isnt a very healthy relationship... when involved with someone, you have to be friends.. that means trust, honesty, someone you feel comfortable with...then you can take it to a further level, and sex is definitly a further level..

what i'm trying to say is that sex is intimate but there has to be more in the equation to make it truly so..

and in the end it all depends on the person and what their concept of sex and intimacy is..

[hurtabandoned]

I think that it is possible to have intimacy without having sex. I don't think that having sex early in the relationship adds anything. I don't think that a foundation of a relationship should be based on sex. The emotional connection should be the strongest bond. In a loving and stable relationship that has a solid foundation sex can add to the closeness and intimacy. Sex in this kind of relationship has meaning behind it - it not just intercourse but an expression of deep love and trust.

 

Using sex for the purpose of becoming close is not the best idea. The feelings of closeness should be there first. In 4 weeks I find it hard to believe that level of closeness is there. The meaning behind sex this early has less signifigance.

 

-Hurt

[S4il]

Main Entry: in·ti·mate

Function: transitive verb

Inflected Form(s): -mat·ed; -mat·ing

 

1 : To make known especially publicly or formally

2 : To communicate delicately and indirectly

 

Well, i think that definition speaks for itself..the bold black, makes it clear it does (in form) mean sex.

 

While in red, it does say communicate. (i guess being over dinner, or a walk in the park)

 

I myself see it both ways, being intimate, with someone your with, is a way to express your love to them (being sex) but in retrospect it can also be *what you said* candle light dinner, or something along those lines.

[zombie king]

being probebly in the minority of guys who are like this,....

I would rather just spend time and have fun with a girl i liked. Being intimate for me means just loving each others presense. Being near each other, holding each other. Even making out and all the physical playing around. Something even as dorky as being squished next to each other on a couch both reading a magazine together or something. Intercourse is a scary thing to me,.. and I honestly don't know If I could initiate it if I WANTED to.

Being intimate is whatever makes you feel close.

A lot of guys just like to have intercourse. It's a sport to them.

[EatZ]

Personally, I would refuse to have sex with someone unless I was deeply intimate them with already. It does nothing for me to have sex with someone I barely know, let alone don't trust fully. Sex is so much better when you feel safe and so much in love with a person.

 

I think the best way to become intimate is to know each other like no-one else would. Share personal time together which is only for the two of you to know. Like the others have said, there are plenty of ways to be intimate without sex. The best thing for me -- and this is personal taste here -- would be to huddle up on the couch on a rainy night and take turns reading a book to each other, or just sit there holding each other tight and keeping each other warm.

 

That's just me...

[JonnyG]

Well i find basic snogging 1 of the most intimate things u can do with som1 u care about. So im happy . I think kissing is very underated.