Bf's response to how i feel not comforting.

[miie]

I told my boyfriend that i wasn't feeling like a priority to him. He told me that i should deal with it myself because he's not doing anything to make me feel that way.

 

Im at a loss at what to do or say.

[agent1607307371]

How so?

 

You told him you don't fee important to him and he said suck it up because it's not changing.

 

Now, either it's your own insecurity colouring your perception of the exchange and your importance to your bf, or he really isn't interested in making you a priority.

 

I don't know which it is but if it's the first, you need to do some self work on how much attention you need in a relationship and whether it's realistic and if it's the second, why haven't you dumped him already?

[miie]

I dont demand anything of him. Dont contact him a lot or ask where he is. I see him ONCE a week. Usually on his terms. My messages never get replied to. I take two hours to reply to his and he accuses me of not talking to him. We never speak on the phone. I accept that we only see each other on weekends due to the fact he is busy with work during the week. But the weekend comes and i dont appear to be a tip priority at all.

 

I dont need that much. I dont need to see him every day etc. But when i never know what im doing with him, time and time again, it always feels the decision to see me is last minute. Like nothing else has came up so he'll now see me. Half the time i dont know that im seeing him until late in the evening of that day. Its impossible to get him to try organise something 2 days from the weekend.

 

The priority/importance that i mean is - i dont feel that he cares. That i am always a last option. At my end it seems he would rather do anything but see me. He says differently of course, but if i try to explain how i feel i get shut down and he wont listen or ask why i feel that way.

[agent1607307371]

To be honest I don't think this is the relationship for you.

 

But I also don't think this situation is entirely your bf's fault. Imagine you had a bf who never rang you up, asked where he is or what he's doing or really asked anything of him.

 

Would you even feel like you had a bf?

 

Part of being in a relationship is making the other person feel wanted and it doesn't sound like either of you are very good at that.

[Circe]

I dont demand anything of him. Dont contact him a lot or ask where he is. I see him ONCE a week. Usually on his terms. My messages never get replied to. I take two hours to reply to his and he accuses me of not talking to him. We never speak on the phone. I accept that we only see each other on weekends due to the fact he is busy with work during the week. But the weekend comes and i dont appear to be a tip priority at all.

 

He really doesn't sound like much of a bf to me, darl. You could do much better (in terms of a r'ship).

[miie]

To be honest I don't think this is the relationship for you.

 

But I also don't think this situation is entirely your bf's fault. Imagine you had a bf who never rang you up, asked where he is or what he's doing or really asked anything of him.

 

Would you even feel like you had a bf?

 

Part of being in a relationship is making the other person feel wanted and it doesn't sound like either of you are very good at that.

 

thats the thing. I DO that. I dont ring mainly because he just doesn't like speaking on the phone, so i dont do that because of that. But i ask him - not in a way where i am being demanding or nosey. That is what i meant.

 

Most of the time i never get a response back. He shuts me out. When he has a lot on his mind, when he is sick, when he is busy - i am shut out. That isn't nice either. I never know whats going on.

 

When i go over to his house half the time someone else answers the door. ANd he is on a chair or on his bed, dozing. And acts like 'what are you doing here'. Its not very welcoming.

 

There comes a point you also stop trying as you get knocked back all the time.

[agent1607307371]

thats the thing. I DO that. I dont ring mainly because he just doesn't like speaking on the phone, so i dont do that because of that. But i ask him - not in a way where i am being demanding or nosey. That is what i meant.

 

Most of the time i never get a response back. He shuts me out. When he has a lot on his mind, when he is sick, when he is busy - i am shut out. That isn't nice either. I never know whats going on.

 

When i go over to his house half the time someone else answers the door. ANd he is on a chair or on his bed, dozing. And acts like 'what are you doing here'. Its not very welcoming.

 

There comes a point you also stop trying as you get knocked back all the time.

 

So this guy is totally and unequivocally not that interested in you. So why are you wondering what to do? Get out there and find someone who is into you and will treat you well. This guy is a slug.

 

Don't waste your time on someone who doesn't think you are worth any of theirs.

[miie]

So this guy is totally and unequivocally not that interested in you. So why are you wondering what to do? Get out there and find someone who is into you and will treat you well. This guy is a slug.

 

Don't waste your time on someone who doesn't think you are worth any of theirs.

 

Thanks for your replies. I do appreciate it.

 

He does have his good points, despite what i am writing here. Just, sometimes i do feel that - he may not be that invested or interested. Why would he stay tho? He has always said he wouldn't stay with someone for the sake of it. I find it hard to get any information out of him or talk to him. I know it goes both ways and i may not do it that well myself. But when we do talk, it always appears that the problem is me and my fault.

[agent1607307371]

Thanks for your replies. I do appreciate it.

 

He does have his good points, despite what i am writing here. Just, sometimes i do feel that - he may not be that invested or interested. Why would he stay tho? He has always said he wouldn't stay with someone for the sake of it. I find it hard to get any information out of him or talk to him. I know it goes both ways and i may not do it that well myself. But when we do talk, it always appears that the problem is me and my fault.

 

Because he gets to have a girlfriend who does all the running and who he has to put no effort or care into.

 

Words are cheap, actions will show you who someone is.

[lavenderdove]

>>i should deal with it myself because he's not doing anything to make me feel that way.

 

He only sees you once a week, doesn't talk on the phone with you, doesn't answer your texts, doesn't make advance plans with you or consider your feelings in those plans? He is doing EVERYTHING to make you feel that way.

 

This isn't really a relationship, more like casual dating. Perhaps that is how he likes it to be, but he isn't investing anything in this, and he's not really your boyfriend if he treats you this way.

 

I think your gut is telling you the truth... he isn't that invested or interested. He may say the WORDS to try to keep you on the hook and available for once a week dates at his whim, but his actions say otherwise. He's being manipulative trying to convince you that this relationship is good and healthy, but honestly, it isn't and he's just setting up a situation he is happy with. For all you know he has several girls on a string and lets each of you think he's your boyfriend, for as little as he sees you.

 

I think there is nothing in this for you, especially if he tries to turn it around and make you feel bad that you expect a normal relationship with a boyfriend. I think you should start looking around and dating others since he isn't willing to act like a real boyfriend, regardless of what he says.