RayKay Posted July 4, 2004 Share Posted July 4, 2004 My ex is in Toronto for a few days. Last time I saw him was Tuesday night, when he spent the night (his idea) before leaving Wednesday (it was a nice evening, he even said the next morning it was "good times" and he kissed me before he left). He will be back tomorrow. Anyway, it is his birthday today, and he had wanted me to call him on his b-day since friends do that! However, I called him last night and left a message on his cell to tell him to enjoy his last night being 24! I told him he did not have to call back as I would talk to him today, but he called back anyway later on. We just talked about what he has been doing there (family stuff, and going out to bars a lot with his friend there, he was really tired!). We ended it with him saying I guess I will talk to you tomorrow if you call me, and then I said I might just wait until Monday when he is back since then we can talk and he can save some charges, as long as he understood that I was not forgetting his b-day! He was cool with that. This morning it felt WRONG to NOT call him on his birthday, so I called and left a message on his cell before I went out cycling - sang him a quick happy b-day song, and then told him to have a good day and just call me sometime next week when he is back in town (so as not to imply that I expected him to call me back today). I had figured he was probably still sleeping anyway as he was out until very very late. Apparently, I forgot to sign out of MSN, since when I got back I had the following messages "hey, you there? - Yoooohoooooo? - Okay, well thanks for the birthday wishes on my phone! It is weird, but I actually felt "different" when I turned 25, but I will tell you all about it when I get back to town tomorrow. - Have a great ride, and I'll talk to you later!" So I guess I could of just left it, and not worried about it until tomorrow...but I did not want him to think I had been ignoring him on MSN, so I did call him back and he answered right away, and I told him sorry, that I guess I had not signed out! He said it was alright, he figured I had probably just left it on. We had a lighthearted, fun talk. He made fun of me since I turn 25 too in 3 weeks and told me I will feel different too, and wake up an old hag (sheesh) and we joked around. It was good, and I asked him how he felt different, and he just said for once he actually felt more grown up, etc. I ended it first said I would let him go, and told him to have a great birthday/day, and he said alright, and he would talk to me later. He seemed upbeat and fine with the call, told me a couple stories from last night's adventures at the bar and all that, and did not SEEM to mind me having called him back. But now I feel guilty for having called? Instead of waiting until tomorrow I guess. I try so hard to give him space, and I wonder if somehow he feels pressured that I called him back - I just did not want him to think I was ignoring him on MSN, and it was a good talk, but now I guess I am thinking about it too much! I mean, it IS his birthday so I did have reason to leave a message, but now I wonder if I pushed him by calling him back after he messaged me? Why do I feel bad? Now I won't initiate contact again until he does....but I feel kind of bad now, since I guess he probably won't call me tomorrow now that I called him, and I just hope it is not because he feels pushed away! I am sure he will contact me at some point, as we are probably going away next weekend for a bike race together, but still, WHY do I feel so bad? Was I wrong to call him again? I did try and keep it lighthearted, and it was, but now I wonder what he is thinking! And I guess I wonder if he has missed me at all Sigh. I feel like a 13-yr old girl right now! Link to comment
myplague234 Posted July 4, 2004 Share Posted July 4, 2004 I think that this may be the beginning of a good relationship. I think you called him because you felt soemthing for this man, maybe you two should try dating or something. it sounds to me that you may like each other a little more then you think? Link to comment
RayKay Posted July 4, 2004 Author Share Posted July 4, 2004 Well, I KNOW I like him, more in fact, I love him with all my heart...we broke up a couple months ago though since he was feeling pressured being in a relationship (he was not ready for "forever" - his words!) and needed time to be alone/single (also his words). I also believe that he does still love me, but will be blocking those "in love" feelings for me as much as he can right now to avoid pursuing me (even if he wants to be with me!). The "idea" is that he is determined to stay single for a year, since he has never really been single, and see what happens with us at that point...and while I would love to get back together NOW (and he has said he would too, but fears feeling like this again in a few months, but that was a month ago, so who knows how he feels now!) I am just trying to give him space, show him I am a strong person who respects his space and need for time, and supports him as well. I just don't want him to feel pressured, and I worried I made him feel that way by calling! I know if we got back together we could make it, but it has to be HIS decision, not mine and not me manipulating him. So I worry that I somehow "screwed up". Link to comment
myplague234 Posted July 4, 2004 Share Posted July 4, 2004 I do not think you screwed up. Calling him showed that you truly care for him and found it the right thing to do to talk to him on his birthday. I also suggest that you wait til he feels it is right to start a relationship. You dont necessarily need to give him a WHOLE lot of space. If you stop talking to him like you usually would he may feel you are losing interest in him and may move on, still remain friends with you but no relationship. My main point of advice is to keep in contact as you used to, eventually he may want a relationship agian. If he doesnt for awhile sit him down and talk to him about how you are feeling and how he is feeling and if you truly believe you two should be together, take the initiative. Ask him out for a movie and dinner or something. I wish all of the luck in the world with this. Keep posting if you have anything else you would like to talk about on this problem you have. Link to comment
RayKay Posted July 4, 2004 Author Share Posted July 4, 2004 Thanks myplague....for being 15 you show a lot of maturity (more than my ex even! lol). I am trying to give him his space, and taking it day by day. I definitely do not at this point want to force him into any decisions of any sort! But in time, I know we will have to sit down and see where things are or where they may go (or not go!) - but that could very well be in that year (if I am still single then, he has said that when he is ready we will go on a real date and evaluate if we think we can "start again"). It is hard, part of being friends right now is that he hopes (and I hope) we can regain the emotional closeness without the stupid fighting (which he was initiating due to fears/doubts about being in a serious relationship) and it seems that without the pressure of the relationship things ARE wonderful, but of course there is no actual "commitment" there and it can be a bit of a scary place! I worry (and I know he has said he does too) that we will grow apart though - that is a scary thing, because I certainly do not want that to happen, but I do know he NEEDS time to miss me at the same time (and hopefully he will!). Link to comment
myplague234 Posted July 4, 2004 Share Posted July 4, 2004 Thank you for the compliment. I hope that everything goes great for you two and even if you dont have a relationship you should tell him you still want a strong friendship and try to not grow distant. once again i hope it all goes well. Link to comment
RayKay Posted July 4, 2004 Author Share Posted July 4, 2004 Anyone else? I miss him so much today, it hurts all over! Link to comment
RayKay Posted July 5, 2004 Author Share Posted July 5, 2004 Pitter patter pitter patter - he still makes my heart do that! He just came on MSN and said howdy, so we had a nice, friendly conversation - though quite short as he is going out for his b-day tonight and had to get ready. We poked some fun at each other and stuff, it was good. But when he signed off he said he had to run, but also gave me a "I'll talk to you tomorrow!"...so apparently we are talking to each other tomorrow - he better call since I am going to try and refrain from doing it! Alrighty then, well I guess maybe I did not have to worry about much at all then...right? Maybe he DID sort of miss me, at least just a little Pitter patter....damn I love him. Link to comment
myplague234 Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 lol...well im glad to see that things are turning out well for you guys. If you do get the urge to call, then call him. im sure he wont mind, it seems like he lies to talk to you. Link to comment
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