Could you holiday somewhere that your BF has already been to with an Ex?

[miie]

Would you be able to go to a location/place for a holiday with your gf/bf if you have already previously been there with an ex gf/bf?

 

My bf and i are going on a holiday where he has already been with an ex. Part of me is thinking the entire time we are away, he will be miserable because he will be remembering what they did etc.

 

There are certain places where we are going that are "off limits" because they went there together, so we cant.

 

I also fear that im going to bend to his every need or wish to please and make him happy so he doesn't have a crappy time, and think of the 'great' time he had with his ex. Or if he becomes distant and quiet, that i'll end up doing the same.

 

I have felt at times and have had reasons to think that he may not be totally over her despite the fact they broke up 8-9 years ago.

[WockaWocka]

Would you sleep in the same bed where he slept with his ex? (Yes). Dine at the same restaurant? (Yes).

 

I don't really see how this would be that much different--new person, new experience, new memories--except that if he's the one keeping certain places "off-limits" then it sounds to me like he still isn't over her, sorry,

[miie]

Would you sleep in the same bed where he slept with his ex? (Yes). Dine at the same restaurant? (Yes).

 

I don't really see how this would be that much different--new person, new experience, new memories--except that if he's the one keeping certain places "off-limits" then it sounds to me like he still isn't over her, sorry,

 

Yeah i know, we do many things that he has been with his ex, and other ex's but that doens't seem to bother him.Going to this place it does for some reason. He is the one that isn't wanting to go to particular places - and these are touristy destinations.

 

We were away once before and and a friend of his contacted his ex and because of that he went distant, quiet are barely spoke to me for 3 days. And we were away and with together 24/7. I also have other reasons to think he isn't but he'd never admit it.

 

On the other hand, he was the one who suggested going there......

[WockaWocka]

Ew. If he suggested it but is keeping certain places off limits then that's a bit creepy. If I were you I might schedule a day apart so I could tour the sites by myself. You shouldn't be deprived of them, IMO.

 

In general anyone who would go "quiet and distant" for 3 whole days when reminded of their ex sounds wayyyy too high-maintenance. Silent treatment is the worst, and I don't like how he puts you in the position of needing to cater to him or tiptoe around him. Personally this relationship might be ultimately untenable in my book. But that's just me.

 

Hope you have a good time!

[Crazyaboutdogs]

There is a whole wide world to explore...why was this particular location suggested as a vacation spot for the two of you? I would certainly not want to go on vacation to the same spot as the partner took the ex, especially if the partner is clearly not over the ex. If the partner was over the ex he should be over the moon to make new memories with you, not wallow in the memory of what he did with his ex. I have to wonder how good his relationship is with you and if he had given himself enough time after his last relationship ended before starting one with you.

[miie]

There is a whole wide world to explore...why was this particular location suggested as a vacation spot for the two of you? I would certainly not want to go on vacation to the same spot as the partner took the ex, especially if the partner is clearly not over the ex. If the partner was over the ex he should be over the moon to make new memories with you, not wallow in the memory of what he did with his ex. I have to wonder how good his relationship is with you and if he had given himself enough time after his last relationship ended before starting one with you.

 

Unfortunately, we only have a small amount of time and money. He has always loved the area and place, however i feel that the memories of him and his ex going there might ruin ours. They broke up 8 years ago and he has dated girls since then. I can understand certain things will bring back memories of any one, but to go there on purpose, i dont know.

[ComputerGuy]

I don't think its a case of not over her or whatever. I know for me personally, repeating things with a new person feels, just, wrong and like I'm cheating the new person out of something new and thoughtful so to speak.

 

It's really unlikely there is some super secret cant get over the ex thing going on, especially after 8 years.

[Unreasonable]

Any place I enjoyed, I would return to.

 

As a side note, I think I'd buy a new bed if I got remarried. Well, if it was the other woman's bed at least.

 

I put up with it in hotels, but I don't think I'd like to sleep in a place where other people have had copious amounts of sex if I didn't have to. Just kind of an eww factor.

 

Yeah, I'm the kind of person that puts liner on a toilet seat...

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Any place I enjoyed, I would return to.

 

As a side note, I think I'd buy a new bed if I got remarried. Well, if it was the other woman's bed at least.

 

I put up with it in hotels, but I don't think I'd like to sleep in a place where other people have had copious amounts of sex if I didn't have to. Just kind of an eww factor.

 

Yeah, I'm the kind of person that puts liner on a toilet seat...

 

Unfortunately with the way people have sex with anything that moves these days, you would have to buy a new mattress every few months...or even every few days...and remember that with every new partner the sex is frequent and hot...so if a man or woman has a new fbuddy every other week...well....that would be thousands of dollars in new mattresses!

[Unreasonable]

Yeah, I'm mainly talking about remarriage. I wouldn't feel comfortable sleeping in an ex'es bed. Irrational I know.