The whole concept of relationships is starting to become a joke...

[matius]

My circumstances have made a real hanger inside and my quality of life is being severely threatened. I think that I'm here because deep down I don't want to simply quit.

 

My entire life I've watched friends & family members acquire new friends, acquaintances, girlfriends, boyfriends, etc. with ease. It's never been that way for me except when I was a small kid.

 

It's a well known fact with those close to me that confidence was never instilled as a child. Not that my parents and family are bad people, they just planted seeds of fear and prepped me for mediocrity at every step (and me second guessing my every move). For me though it's not so much blame as just the way it is and the way it happened. Unfortunately getting older what I've found is that family and my closest friends tend to use this as a source of entertainment and intellectual torment. The most disturbing thing about it is that it appears to be human nature rather than people necessarily out to break my spirit.

 

My first relationship ended with me being sexually embarrassed. Probably something that most people go through but with a girl who decided to crucify rather than be cool about it. My entire adult life I've had girlfriends throughout the years but I've never felt good in bed. A few times stoned by words and humiliation (just had some wicked people I guess), but because of that have come to view sex as tough to enjoy. Feeling like what I do isn't good enough for either party. Never had anyone show me how to improve for them although I've tried to improve myself. As you can imagine an overall lack of confidence in life & in the bedroom is a recipe for disaster. It's the perfect storm really.

 

So all of this in a way makes me withdraw and focus more on my work, but that doesn't stop people from stoning. I've noticed that society questions who I am when I don't get involved in relationships. They think that if I’m not in one & I’m reasonably attractive than I'm hiding something. Am I into women… then they'll test you to the core. Life is hard enough in my opinion and I've got a lot of pride. My view of myself is all that matters except when I lose real things due to their opinions (which does happen folks).

 

I constantly fight with my natural human urges & my brain that says how much work goes into relationships. Financial (which I've never had a lot of money), time (which I need more of myself), and once again walking the plank. Talk about seriously battering my game. I'm out before I make the approach. I'm constantly bombarded by beautiful women in television and movies and made to feel like a fool for not attaining one. Then when I see them on the street it's clear that any contact is prohibited. In fact everyone seems to have a holier than thou act going on nowadays. My guess is that their salary is decent enough to make them think they're a character on Entourage. A society that says I’m not a man because I have more than a thought or two and couldn't care less about football. But these things have real effects.

 

It's tough approaching girls out & about even outside everything that I'm dealing with because in a lot of ways I feel annoyed that I have to be a court jester for someone to give a thumbs up or thumbs down clown and be made to feel like a creep in general in order to get some love.

So many mixed messages and no filter.

 

I say all of this knowing that there's not really an answer. I've been to counseling and they stole my money good and proper. Maybe I should have known how to act on Planet Earth from the beginning, but I feel completely separated. So maybe I'm just writing this to hear somebody can relate or that it's possible to untangle a knot of this proportion before it's too late.

 

The last note is that while all of this sounds poor me, it's not all woes. The other side is that going through this has also given me power & strength in other ways that are beyond measure. I've been able to utilize a lot of the disconnectedness and pain for my own advantage. In fact, the very same people who torment are being pushed to examine their own lives and courage through my actions & this can only be learned through adversity.

 

I have this idea of myself that when the hanger is removed I will be one hell of a dangerous individual.

 

Thanks for taking the time to read it.

[bungalo]

I can relate to a lot of what you say here. The problem is you seem to be casting yourself as a victim, and looking for negative evidence (which is always easy to find). This mindset seems to perpetuate your plight.

 

I've never been a player, and I have trouble meeting and approaching women, but I keep trying. I keep trying because I like feeling the connection. I like sharing intimacy. I have had tremendous dry spells. Tried online dating, singles groups, getting set up, approaching women in bars..etc. I met my current ex at a speed dating event. I never dreamed I would even try anything so seemingly contrived and commercial. However, despite all the pain she's put me through, I know I would be much poorer for never having met her. Accentuate the positive.

IT WORKS.

[matius]

I can relate to a lot of what you say here. The problem is you seem to be casting yourself as a victim, and looking for negative evidence (which is always easy to find). This mindset seems to perpetuate your plight.

Thanks, this is correct however I do everything I possibly can to not cast myself as a victim by trying new things, but it's real hard to battle the mind when things just don't come very easily. Not to mention and I guess you'd just have to take my word on it that people use it against me. It's definitely hard to explain. It's a feeling as much as anything else is and it's tough to shake. Tough.