How Can I Find A Girlfriend Who Won't Cheat?

[drahcir]

My name is Richard and I am almost 21. I have never been on a date before, never kissed a girl, never had a girlfriend. But I am looking to start a romantic relationship with who ever comes along. How can I find a girl who won't cheat on me? What should I look for? Are there any "red flags" I should look for before entering into a relationship? Any advise on how I can be faithful--For me I know i have excellent integrity. HOwever I am still open to suggestions.

 

Thanks,

 

Richard

[brokenpogostick]

as hard as it may seem you really can't go into a relationship where you "expect" her to cheat on you. you need to try to look at the positive. give a girl a chance, not all are going to hurt you like that. i would say that girls that are overly flirtatious, loose with their body, etc prolly wouldn't be the type you want, but hey, what do i know. i would say, just find a nice girl and give her a chance

[Princess777]

I agree, someone who is very flirty and tends to talk too much to guys could potentially be someone to be swayed. Also someone who drinks a lot when you're not around or does illegal drugs wouldn't be a good choice for a lasting, trustworthy girlfriend. These things alter the mind and people end up doing things they shouldn't or wouldn't normally do.

 

You might try meeting someone who has similar interests as yourself, or going online and posting your profile. link removed is a website specifically for people looking for a person who doesn't like cheaters.

 

Good luck!

[Serendipity1607307077]

While a lot of women are cheaters, there are still plenty who don't. You will probably find that ones that have been cheated on by their boyfriends won't cheat on you because they know what it feels like.

[HalboBaggins]

Hello, Richard. My own advice to you would be based on my own experiences. There really isn't any way to guarantee that a girlfriend or wife, even, who won't cheat. Just be the best you can be. As for wanting to start a romantic relationship with whoever comes along, I would simply say, Don't try so hard. Just be yourself and put yourself into places where you can meet nice women who have moral standards (i.e. not your local singles bar, but evening leisure classes at a university, church activities, local volunteer organizations, etc.). Let romance happen; don't try to force it. That never works.

 

Best wishes for finding the girl of your dreams...

[DiglyD]

Every girl you meet has the potential to cheat on you or kick you to the curb if you do not meet her expectations even one who will swear to you that she would never ever cheat on you. She too will cheat if she looses respect for you, and that can and will happen if you do not understand how to handle yourself in a relationhsip and how to handle her.

 

Your first sentance says it all...you are 21, you have never been on a date, you never kissed a girl, never had a girlfriend, and you want to start a romantic relationhsip. Its so idealistic...using the word romantic. Due to your inexperience you are naive, and you are looking at your future in a very romantic, ideal way. That is wrong.

 

The "red flag" that you should be concerned with is yourself not your potential girlfriend. You have everything backwards. You are going about this all wrong. What you do not see right now is that your inexperience might be the very thing that will make a woman cheat on you, because you will be weak, and unable to provide what she wants from you.

 

Most lilely any relationhip that you have, you will have with a woman that is more experienced then you. You don't realize yet that girls are not sugar and spice and everything nice. They are a whole other species that you right now don't understand. A girl will eat you for breakfast. Since you have not been with a girl...you will be for one heck of a lesson....just like most of us were when we were where you are now, you will become clingy and needy when you will be with her, because she will be your first experience. You will fall in love her and you will treat her way too good. You will be faithful and honest and open with her. YOu will love her, and you will think its beautiful and wonderful and you will be blinnd to what she really needs and what you are doing wrong. This alone might make her cheat on you, or most liely make her break up with you if you are with her for more then a year.

 

One thing you don't realize yet, is that women cheat when men do not provide them with what they need. Your future girl will expect you to provide certain needs that she has, and they are different then what you think they are right now. Its jsut that right now you don't know what they are and you have no clue on how to go about fulfilling them. Its not a question about you being faithful or your integrity. If you weren't faithful she would probably want you more then she will if you will put her on a pedestal and you will most likely because she will be your first.

 

You have not learned yet that what a woman needs is different then what she says she needs. She will tell you what she will need and you will provide those things that she requested, but they will not be the things she really needs. You don't know how to read between the lines, how to look at the meaning not the words, and how to "read" a woman and know her needs. The things that you will provide out of love will be the things that will push her farther away and make her think about cheating on you or at least dumping you. You will think you are giving her what she wanted and she will be loosing respect for you. You don't know what she needs now. Those things come from within you, they are the very manifestations of being a man...they are leadership, they are sex, they are inner strength, they are the ability not to let her walk all over you, and the ability to make her feel intense feelings of passion like only a real man can. Do you see a girl as someone you gain, someone you win over, a prize (only in a figurative sense), or do you see yourself as the prize, and do you know how to project that to her? Do you even know what that means in terms of getting women and going about seducing them?

 

Since you have not had anything with a girl, you have no idea how to be a "real man", how to provide those things to her. You have no idea how to control a relationship and what your role as a man is in one. You don't know that a woman will test you every step of the way to see whether you are a man, and whether you meet her expectations, and you don't know how to deal with it. You will most likely miss all the hints the first time around. There is a good chance that you will get whipped, and she will be in control, and that you will do what she say and what she wants. Your romantic ideals might provide no challenge in the relationship for her and if she gets bored she will either leave you or cheat even if she loves you. She might even tell you as she is walking out the door, or when you find out she has someone on the side, that "love isn't enough". Such is life....

 

Right now you the prime target for cheating, because you are naive in a sense that you worry about "her" and not yourself and talk about your values such as faithfulness and integrity. You are starting kinda late compared to many so the chips are stacked against you. You just don't know and that is the fact. You are someone who will be easy to take advantage off. You are not experienced enough with women at the moment to provide those feelings that a woman will want from you and prevent her from taking you for granted.

 

The only thing you can do is maybe read some books on the subject on how to deal with women, or ask some people who have been through alot of relationhsips or had many girls. Alot of what you will hear will be counter to what you have imagined or believed. That is the sad reality. Otherwise you will have to learn the hard way by experiencing the ups and downs of a relationship, getting dumped, or having your heart broken. But that is life... its normal.

 

The best thing you can do is have a girlfriend, let her teach you, and move on from her before she has a chance to dump you or before you fall inlove and have her end up cheating on you. If you end up in love and its your first love it will be wonderful while it lasts but know that it will not last. You do not know how to satisfy a woman on every level yet, the way she needs to be satisfied and the way she expects you to satisfy her.

[outrageousxo]

hmm

[cakes]

Sounds like you're about ready to start a relationship.

 

No one can really tell you what girls to go to and which to stray away from because people always change. The best suggestion I have for you is to go into a relationship, or go into your serach for a gf, without any pre-judgements, assumptions or that sort of thing. That's what usually drags and brings things down.

 

See things from a positive side! Because you know what? There are a lot of girls out there that don't cheat..And i'm sure you'll find one who won't!

[drahcir]

hey DiglyD....

 

"Since you have not had anything with a girl, you have no idea how to be a 'real man' "--thanks for your advise, but its a load of @##@@#@......first of all there is nothiing wrong with being idealistic and a hopeless romantic..why?? because idealist people ALWAYS win....you know so many times i have been idealistic, been nice when i should have gotten back at people, and i have never regretted it....also being idealistic does not make me a push over..i am an excellent judge of a girls (and anyone's) character..i know within 10 seconds of talking to someone what type of person th ey are and whether i can trust them....now I know girls are not all sugar and spice and everything nice but its good to th ink of them that way, atleast some...having this self protective i am not going to trust anyone attitude is self destructive...fact is i am very proud of my idealism and even more of my endless romantic feelings...

[SteveNaive]

Hello drahcir...

 

Yeh, idealism is a nice thing. And it is good that there are people out there who still believe. And I wish you all the best for finding a girl tat will not cheat on you. However, I wouldn't be too optimistic. Because unlike you said, idealists never win. If they would they'd be realists. I used to be an idealist too...but up to now life has priven me wrong a couple of times. Because human beings are just not perfect, so than can never ever meet your ideals (or anyone else's). Things just don't work that way...unfortunately.

 

But an idealist should never give up hope. Hope is what drives all of us. I have given it up for the moment. you shouldn't. And maybe you will succeed. Expect the worst and hope for the best. Good luck.

[Spirits Away]

DiglyD

 

 

It sounds more like YOU're the one who is too idealistic and got yourself messed up. And now you try to warn others to not do so. The best advice is to allow the other person to experience life rather than force your own thoughts into others, believing that your reality is the true reality. What stubbornness...

 

besides, not everyone's will experience the same thing you experience either... anyways your advice is totally messed up, although we do respect opinions.

[Princess777]

I think everyone here, including Digly had some good points, it's just that some have more tact than others.

 

Digly, you WERE a little rough on the guy. And you did make a lot of generalizations. But I think since you took the time to write so much, it should be noted that at least you tried to help in your own way. And as I said, I think a lot of what you said is true but sometimes things can be said in a way where they would not offend anyone. Not every first girlfriend is going to walk all over an inexperienced guy... that was just too stereotypical of a response really. Besides, this guy already knows he isn't experienced, he didn't need to be told again and again with such harsh undertones.

 

For the original poster, I think what this boils down to is yes, you are starting late. But everyone is different. The only real way you're going to figure all of this out is one word: Life. We all go through it, we all play the fool sometimes, we all hurt people sometimes, even when we don't intend to or desire to. No one can just lay out a perfect life for you.... you gotta get out there and experience it and meet a lot of people in order to learn how to get inside their heads. You've got to pay attention to people's actions a heck of a lot more than what comes out of their mouth. Talk is cheap. Look at what they DO and you'll rarely go wrong with making a decision on whether to continue seeing someone. Finally, trust your instincts and your gut feelings when you get them.

 

Good luck!

[peanut15]

Richard,

Of course there are signs to finding someone who won't cheat on you but sometimes you just never know. My husband never cheated on anyone in his past but he's done so with me. As for me, I've cheated with past boyfriends but never the serious ones until now. (but that's another long story). You are young and you are starting to enter the dating scene. I am not sure why you haven't been on dates but then again one serious boyfriend I had in the past was the same way.

 

You are still young and I suggest you just start going out with girls that interest you and you figure it out from there. I don't think there's a fool proof way of protecting yourself from cheating.

[mscolly]

There are no certainties, no guarantees, no litmus tests. Sure, if someones cheated in the past, they may well do so again. If she hasn't, perhaps she never had the chance, or the circumstances weren't right. Because, in the end, we can all cheat, given the conditions. In fact, if she's already cheated, that might even be a guarantee: she won't feel too strong, she knows it can happen and under what conditions, and you too.

 

Don't feel that it might not be you who cheats in the end, either.

 

The rewards are as great as the risks. And real love can even get over cheating, believe me, I know. If you start out worrying about the end, you'll never start.

[shyanne]

listen, your very young. women cheat for a reason, treat her well and make her feel loved but don't crowd her. MOST of all, make love to her often more so as she gets older. a women won't cheat on you if she's getting all she needs at home.

[Mike_Wazowski]

Digly Said......Those things come from within you, they are the very manifestations of being a man...they are leadership, they are sex, they are inner strength, they are the ability not to let her walk all over you, and the ability to make her feel intense feelings of passion like only a real man can. Do you see a girl as someone you gain, someone you win over, a prize (only in a figurative sense), or do you see yourself as the prize, and do you know how to project that to her?

 

 

Digly, you just described my first relationship when I was 18 years old Brother.

 

I loved her so much, I put her on a pedestal. I worhipped her. I let her walk all over me. She could do whatever she wanted to me. She ripped my heart out of my chest, and every time I would come crawling, begging her to take me back........

 

And then I realized the reality of Love...it's about POWER...whoever has the Power in the relationship is the one least likely to end up with a Broken Heart if the relationship goes sour.

 

I always thought that I was so lucky to have her! When I should have been thinking...SHE is so lucky to have ME!

 

That was exactly your point wasn't it....To have inner strength..To put Yourself on the pedestal.....

 

********

What I have learned in my 39 years is this.....Walk Like A Man, and Most Definitely Don't Take Any Sh*t From Anybody!!

 

And if you can't do that, then do a good job faking it!

 

****************

And to the Young Brother who started this thread.......Dude, The most Faithful and Trusting Girl in the world has it inside herself to cheat if she is not happy/ dis-satisfied with her situation.....

 

But as others have posted, there are ways to find girls who are less likely to cheat than others.....Good Luck ......

[Fionazou]

Hi, Richard,

There are many reasons for a girl who decided cheating on you, but that really depends on the different case you had involved. It is a good thing that you think so carefully when you just starting dating with someone, which means you are a responsible person. Everyone is different with others. We can't be intimate with everyone. General speaking, we still can find some summarizes somebody at first time we greeting and justify if she is a cheat. We like people who are similar to us, who are disclose her/his past to us, and see how much percentage hidden herself. As we say all the time, cheated by somebody may be so hurt, but on the other side you should think that you might even got a lesson of that. One more thing is no relationship is stable, so it is responsible to expect between you two might change any time. Nobody can enforce others. Cheated by someone still could happen any stages on your relationship. Hope that would help~!

Good luck!

[BeenCheated]

My first wife was a saint, at first, but then she turned out to be a cheat of the worst kind.

 

Unfortunately, there is no way to know if someone will cheat on you or not. If you choose a "good" girl, she might get curious and go wild one day. If you choose a wild girl, she might not want to be tied down.

 

My advice is to date around, have a good time and don't try to find someone to marry until you're around 30.

 

Good luck!

[Princess777]

One tip I can think of that would definitely be beneficial in your search: The best way to find a partner who won't cheat (or would be a lot less likely to cheat) on you is to find someone who has been cheated on by someone who meant the world to them. No one would wish that pain upon their worst enemy.