The ring

[Gilgamesh]

this is just a post to release some emotional steam.

 

When will I ever get past this pain? today i received the engagment ring that i was going to give my eX at the end of the month, asking her to marry me.

 

Its now just a symbol of something I lost, my dreams of having her im my arms, and loving her for the rest of my life are gone, the child that i would have had with her, is gone, the countless romantic experiences we would have shared, gone, the great sex we would have continued having, gone. its all gone,.

 

people say i will find someone, but I, afraid I will compare them with her, I dont think Ill ever be 100% happy, it took all my life to find her, and now its over. how where when will I ever find someone to even come close to replacing what I had. it seems impossible.

 

I feel that fate has it in for me, is this my life? to suffer indefinatly, why would life give me such a big heart only to not have someone to share it with, and only to have it broken and abused. its not fair.

 

I feel old, used, and worthless, and yet a few months ago, I felt young, loved, and on top of the world. is my karma coming back to haunt me? was I a heart breaker in another life? is this my hell?.

 

I have no desire to work now, it seems so moot, what for? nothing material is of value to me now. cars, tvs , houses, nothing compares to the love i felt and the happiness i once had. I was always grateful for the love I had, I never took it granted.

 

I just wish I could wake up from this never ending nightmare, I have been in a living coma for over two months now, I go through the motions just to go through them, but with now objectives in sight, A dreamer like me with all his dreams ripped away, A planner, with no plans, its torture.

 

Ignorance is bliss, before her, I was content enough in life, but after being loved like that, I have become spoiled, and addicted to love, and cant imagine a life without this love. i am lost. and need somewhere to go, and something to look forward to, but all I see is lonelyness and dispair. If this is tha way things are going to be, may a lightning bolt just come out of the sky and finish me off already there is nothing for me here now.

[TearsofaDragon20]

you know gil ever since you gave me advice on my situations you're a good friend of mine. if you ex gives you that much pain and sorrow, then do everything you can to get her out of your system. its bad to have all this pain built up in your system and it makes you feel worse. i know that when i think of my ex i just see that face of her and i get that breath taking feeling and i feel im about to fall. but then i get angry and think to myself and say "no....she did this to me........and i cant trust her....she will only bring me down in the end........the broken memories kill me worse than being hit with anything.........so much pain and hardship........" then from there i just look up and i just smile and i go about knowing that iknow someone else is wating for me to go on a destiny and find her. and when i do the love between us will be stronger than anything that the world had to offer. moving on is not easy. that why i broke everything off gil. i had to do it or i would never of gotten over her. and i would be walking around aimlessly and with no purpose to stop. you dont need that. your feeling a type of guilt, the next stage is going to be anger. and when that stage hits you will move on more quickly. thats waht happened to me. and it worked. i was able to move on more quckly. not ony that everyone else here and you helped me out at a bad time in my life. so thats what everyone is here for. well time to get to bed now. later gil and take care.

[Sonny]

Hey Gilgamesh..I don't really know you well enough (hell, it's my first post here)and i don't really think it's my place to tell you what to do..

 

But let me just say that I hope your really gonna get your feet back on the ground. I guess most people on this board, at one time in their lives faced a break-up or a relationship gone bad ( including me)and we all know how it feels (that you feel worn out and that work and stuff just doesn't interest you anymore read like a description of myself when i felt so bad)

 

But none of us can really feel what you feel, 'cause you were going to get married, it was going to happen, that's why i don't really know what to say y'know (well then, don't say anything, yeah..but i can't..)only that it's going to get better..

The pain never really goes away you know?But it will get less.. Everyday your gonna get stronger, and you'll be more able to carry it. And slowly everything is going to fall back into place, with your work, your friends, even your TV's and your cars

 

But again..That's what I think..It happened with me, everything just slowly fell back, i hope the same will happen to you and I know your going to get through this..I've read sme of your posts here and they look like your just one hell of a guy, you give your honest and sincere opinion about things and the other posters here like you..(Look at the post of Tears of a Dragon above me - hope i got your name right dude- you helped him out and he considers you his pal, and i'm sure a lot of other posters here feel the exact same way about you man)and i know from what i've read your pretty smart as well..so i just know your not gonna do anything stupid..

 

I really hope your going to feel better..Let us know allright??

[cookies]

hey G..

 

well u know that we are cool friends now. I always adapt ppl that i like online as my family, and you are one intelligent guy...You know whats happening,...and also know that you will move along slowly on your journey to recovery from this heartbreak. Nobody deserved this level of pain, especially ppl like you that give more that 110 pecent of themselves into a relationship, just to have it leave you in complete pain...

 

Im glad u released the emotional steam, because when you got the ring, it just made u go back down memory lane, which sadly still has ur heart entangled in that web of "love" that just wont seem to shake it loose. If you are not planning on trying one last time and giving her the ring, id say send it back to the jeweler (get rid of it) and get your money back, because holding onto it is only adding more hurt to the wound...

 

In the comparing department...i will say from a womans perpective that you will definitely compare, as i am guilty of that my self. Not comparing anyone to my prior marriage, but...a few years ago, i discovered the most incredible qualities in this one guy that i cant seem to shake off. He wrote something that gave me an entirely different perspective on men in general, which was positive. I became curious, and the more I found out about him, the more I viewed him as the most perfect man in the world...met almost every criteria i´d love in a man EXACTLY. Altho I never met him, just admired from a distance, he married his sweetheart, and i was crushed...

 

I went through some phases in my life, (would u believe nearly 6 years?) battling back and forth in my mind as i kept comparing everyone that i meet to this ONE guy. I just though, life just isnt fair. Altho i am at terms with the fact that some things are not meant to be, i just am not interested in developing a relationship with anyone. Not because I digg him, but because i honestly dont think i can find anyone to surpass his overall being, values and characteristics...

 

That was my decision during that time, but im sure one day when im ready to become involved without comparing, it will be a time when i can completely surrender myself wholly to love. Ive been hurt too much to take that chance right now...so altho i get lonely and cry, Id rather keep to myself at the moment...

 

i pray for your progress...and keep me posted...

 

cookies

[Gilgamesh]

Thank all for your support. it helps.

 

I can fully understand all the "processes" of everything Iam going through right now. the Anger, Sorrow, Fear and sadness, its like a roller coaster , up and down. but because I am sensitive, the ups a downs are more extreme.

 

Maybe Iam just impatient, its only been a little over a couple months since the breakup, and only a week or so after really coming to the conclusion its all over with no hope of getting back together.

 

I know the pain will pass eventually, it has to.