I need Input or Advice

[bri427]

If you have read any of my previous posts you will see the chain of events in my emotional disbalance lol. But couple nights ago was my last straw within myself. Before i begin...im not "giving up" on dating or anything. im just choosing not to react the normal way i do when a guy screws me over.

 

Me and new guy Derek...we been hving a thing behind our groups back for bout a week. well after i drop everyone off that sunday night me and him tlk. we come to the conclusion he is not really ready for any of this as he is still emotionally attched to previous ex. basically he seen my convo wit him as an ultimatum (which i now look bak and agree) he chooses me or loses me for good. next day i feel bad becuase he's goin thru alot and it was worng for me to pressure him in that sense so i go over and apologize n whatnot basically telling him being friends is more important to me right now. later that night we all were meeting up again...this new girl in the group whos 17 asks me and another girl who derek is because hes been texting her and saying how he wants to take her out blah blah (derek is 26). lol well i informed her of me and his little "situation" bc i found it a little pathetic and shady he had played games like that even tho we werent official. she stopped textin him after she told him she now knew bout us. he flipped out and got enraged i had said nething to her. i also became angry because i felt she should kno the truth from that start and i DIDNT tell her she had to stop talkin to him.

 

the situation escalated really bad b/c he would not let me speak at all and just b*tchd me out completely.we conintued arguing instead of me just lettin him walk away and cool off. so that part is my bad. i then did the worst thing i could do...in the heat of the fight after he said some harsh things i then brought up his dead father. (i kno...very low blow) immidiately i broke down and knew i screwed up bad. the group was ready to beat my a$$ pretty much which i knew i deserved. so i lost derek as a friend and the whole group because my lack of control over my emotions.

 

 

since then its really opened my eyes. i never thot i could do something so cruel and evil like that. even tho it was spitfeull and out of anger it was 100% wrong. it made me re-evaluate the kind of person i really am. he's since then texted me still very angry and talkin crap which i let him cuz i dont wanna make it worse. hes made it clear him and the whole group are "done". my word vomit and spiteful behavior costed me some great friends that night. maybe it is time to rethink how i handle myself when i get hurt or upset. Im usually not revengefull and i take alot of crap from guys but sometimes by emotions get the best of me and my words become my own worst enemy. i know noone is perfect but this situation really has got me torn up inside...anyone have suggestions or stories of their own??? id love the input!! xox bri

[DN]

What did you say about his father that was so bad?

[bri427]

well his father is dead and i dont remember specifically what my words of choice were BUT it was definitely uncalled for i kno that. something along the lines of being glad his father died...something very cruel and awful

[DN]

well his father is dead and i dont remember specifically what my words of choice were BUT it was definitely uncalled for i kno that. something along the lines of being glad his father died...something very cruel and awful - that is prety bad.

 

I think a heartfelt and general apology is called for.

[Xylitol]

Im going along with the apology because your emotions are like a wild horse running loose. However i understand why you leashed out as you were emotionally hurt by the fact that Derek seemingly had this thing for you and now all of a sudden hits off with the 17 year old. Your anger was up to the point that you'd even would hit him below the belt and use the death of his father against him.

This results that you'd lose all your credibility points, and losing credibility is an on-going issue in the stories that you have told so far.

 

Its because you constantly let your emotions get the best of you. Rationally you should have thought, 'ok i don't own the guy, and he is a free person to decide to be with whom he wants to be', but where would you go with your anger? Well the thing is you should have thought 'beforehand' you can love someone but you don't 'own them' as a possession. Everyone in your life is just a visitor, who decides by their own free will to stay with you or not. Putting a 'claim' on them as a form of possession is therefore never a good idea.

 

However because you 'wanted' this guy, you pushed him, to go into a relationship with you, because you couldn't bear the thought of him being with her, you leashed out to him. Again you let your emotions get the best of you.

 

Its pretty much clear even to you that you need to tame the wild horse of emotions in your mind.

 

If you imagine emotions as water, then within your mind its a storm at sea. We don't want that, the perfect emotional state is as a deep lake within a cave, untouched by the wind it represents a perfect calm state surface of emotions that is unaffected by its surroundings. You should strive for this state of mind and bind the wild horse of emotions by setting rules that you are not allowed to violate.

 

link removed anyway if you equalize the emotions of this animation in your heart(hope you have veoh player installed) you can bring back the calmth and depth ,and peace that should be represented in your heart. That way you won't use your emotions to hurt others anymore, be considered of how other people feel ,and redirect your anger and impulsive emotions into doing constructive and structured behaviour.

[bri427]

both of you are right- i have apologized prolly a million and one times even directly after i said what i said. however im adult enough to admit i cannot take back whats done and i will live with the consequences of my words. im only 20, so although im mature in some cases...sometimes i have a lot to learn, as we all do. because of my many previous altercations with guys messin wit my emotions...lately its been building up and i snap on impulse. i did act out of anger and retaliated wrongly. i do admit, i need to find a better and more less destructive way to handle my emotions. its a shame i have control in almost every other aspect of my life BUT when it comes to emotions being disrespected by males, its not something i control very easily. the fact is...i tell it like is from day one with people...when they betray that trust and screw wit my head...i dont take it las easily as i prolly should. i never said to him i felt i had a "claim" over him...but i sure as hell aint gonna lie to a poor 17 yr old girl who wanted to know the deal bout him either.

[FlashEng1]

I personally believe things ended for the better for you.

 

I really see an excellent opportunity here, two reasons why:

 

1. Not to necessarily sit here and "judge" your friends like this, but any friend who wants to "kick your a$$" over words, regardless of their harshness are a) immature, and b) not really friends. A "friend" would rather not talk to you and be upset (albeit EXTREMELY upset) for a while, hopefully allowing things to cool down over time; but not cause physical harm. And you don't deserve any physical harm, big mouth or not

 

2. Perfect time, as you're saying over and over, to really re-evaluate yourself and the situations you're in. I too used to have an easy to blow temper, where I would rather say something low to someone who did me wrong. Until reading a couple books, and speaking to a lot of wise friends about really controlling the situation around you. Sure, you admit that you let your temper get the best of you, but I'm sure if timed correctly, you shouldn't even have to approach a moment where your temper blows up, causing the type of mayhem it has. Ex: When you found out about the 17yo, one route could have been to smile the situation off, and approach Derek directly about it, privately.

 

Honestly, I'd move on and find new friends, find a new crush (it'll happen as always), and really push to some type of management program if you truly feel your temper/emotions get the best of you

[bri427]

Thank you FlashEng1...i appreciate the input and i agree as well. Even people who are the "good ones" are never perfect and we all have our moments of low-ness. I need to just chalk this up as a lesson learned to approach these type of situations differently and less harshly. I do not agree with my behavior but i am gaining a much more clearer understanding as to why i keep putting the "foot in my mouth" so to speak haha. thanks again guys!

[Xylitol]

I used to have a lot of 'discussional' fights, basically the whole 'i am right, you are wrong', it broke up a 10 year old friendship.

 

I have since matured from that , instead of shovling 'my opinion is right, and your opinion is wrong' , i've put it at peace by saying. Everyone has their own opinion and just leave it at that and go your own way by your own opinion.

 

Discussion is good because it can build up a better view on a situation. But you don't have to attack people who have stupid or wrong opinions which do not add to the better view of the situation, filtering out the dirt so to say,and you can simply say 'i disagree, but ok that's how you think about it ,and you are allowed to have your own opinion and think in that way, i will just let you be' without creating a further argument.

 

Which for me works a lot better then trying to suppress people. You don't 'have' to care what other people think of you.