I'm starting to doubt whether or not I would even forgive her if she ever returned.

[whatnow23]

I have been thinking a lot lately about calling her but now I don't think I want to because I am not sure I can forgive her for what she has put me through. She broke up with me and after that we were still going out and intimate but towards the end she became distant and treated me like dirt even though I was trying to save the relationship she just gave up. The last day we spoke even though we were broken up she went out with someone else first date I believe. We were broken up and I so it was fair but left me feeling used.

I forgive her in a way for breaking up with me and for treating me like she did towards the end and I even forgive her for talking to someone else behind my back even though we were broken up but I don't think I can EVER forgive her for going on a date with this other guy on a work night when towards the end she would always give me the I'm tired and gotta work tomorrow excuse. That just killed me inside and eventhough at first I wanted her back last night I began thinking whether I really can forgive her because that hurt me so much maybe even more than the break up itself.

[xxsarah-2010xx]

How long ago did this all happen? Maybe you just need more time to get your head around it.

 

What was the reason for the relationship ending. I always think that ended relationships which carry on the intimacy are always going to make things so much harder. In a sense it makes you feel like you're still together. Or atleast that is how I would feel.

 

If you can't decide if you can forgive her, then maybe that is your answer, perhaps you just can't. At least not right now anyway.

[whatnow23]

How long ago did this all happen? Maybe you just need more time to get your head around it.

 

What was the reason for the relationship ending. I always think that ended relationships which carry on the intimacy are always going to make things so much harder. In a sense it makes you feel like you're still together. Or atleast that is how I would feel.

 

If you can't decide if you can forgive her, then maybe that is your answer, perhaps you just can't. At least not right now anyway.

 

We went out for 6 years, broke up about two months ago and the night we stopped talking for good was about two and a half weeks ago. She actually suggested we didn't talk anymore and I accepted which made me feel even more used because it was like once she found some other guy she wanted me out of the picture because I know she was still confused. It came truly out of nowhere because just a week before we stopped talking we had a long talk and she said how things were going well even though we weren't together it felt like we were and we even talked about getting back together and she thought about it and decided we needed more time then a week later boom she goes out with someone else.

[xxsarah-2010xx]

Without wishing to cause any offence, this doesn't sound like the actions of a woman that loves you, either as a partner or even just in a friendly way.

 

I would say to just cut her off completely, for the time being anyway. She made you feel like there was a chance, I get the feeling that perhaps she really didn't want to go there again. If all this started only a couple of months ago, I think it is too early to be thinking about forgiving her, it's still so fresh in your mind, and you're obviously hurting. That's no way to carry things on.

 

It seems like she's controlled the whole situation and I'm not saying that to upset you. All the decisions have been hers, it's time for you to think about what you really want out of the situation. Protect your heart and think with your head for a moment.

[Live-N-Learn]

What she did is very common of dumpers. They keep you around as the transition person until they find someone else. Not surprising at all really. Read through the posts on this site. It happens all the time. Sorry.

[DeepestBlue]

Also not intending to sound harsh, as I know you were the one that got broken up with, and probably still had very strong feelings toward her- and I'm sure you are still hurting really badly over this...

 

But, seriously?

 

She broke up with you! What were you doing still being intimate and doing stuff with her? You should've initiated No Contact right away and given yourself time to heal. If she really cared about you and was interested in getting back together, she would've tried to make an effort to appreciate and understand that you needed the time to get over it, and would make an effort to wait until you were ready and then get back together with you.

 

If she wasn't interested then she wouldn't have contacted you. At which point you would've set yourself apart from her with some distance and time and would be in a better place to move on.

 

Instead you let her use you by remaining around and with her post-break up. And then because she has you and knows she can have you whenever she wants you, and she has no obligations because she's no longer tied down to you, she feels free to do whatever she wants. She had her cake and ate it too.

 

I'm not saying you shouldn't feel hurt, or don't have a right to it- but I think you made a mistake by sticking around after she'd already broken up with you. There wasn't any possible ways things could really have gone except for you to get hurt- which was what happened.

 

You say you think about calling her- but how did you leave things? Was it on a good note or a bad one? Did she end communication?

 

If she's the one who ended communication then the ball is really in her court to contact you again. If you contact her you will simply come accross as needy and desperate and she will try to use you again. Stop letting her beat up on your emotions.

 

Either way, she's the one who dumped you. You're better off letting her be the one to show interest and initiate contact again. And if she does show interest- but it's purely sexual then you need to tell her to back off if you're interested in a relationship. Besides, you could have sex with anyone, you don't need to involve yourself in a tangled web of hurt to get it. So the only reason you'd get involved with her again is to renew the relationship- which would require her being interested in it, but her actions don't state "Hey I'm interested in getting back together", from the sounds of it. You shouldn't even consider contacting her or replying to her unless she contacts you first and makes her intentions clear.

 

If she has contacted you and you're the one who refused to get back to her, you can try to get in touch- but you still seem to be way too hurt right now for me to see how it could possibly work, or you could continue to not contact her, and give yourself time to heal. If she's really interested in you still, she will contact you again- at which point you can decide whether you're ready and whether you are willing to trust her again.

[Opportunity]

I agree with the above-posters. Clearly she was using you for emotional/physical comfort during the transition period, because as soon as there was someone else you were disposed of.

 

You don't deserve someone like that. You can't forgive someone for that. Nothing healthy will ever come in a future relationship with a person who once thought you as a temporary convenience.

 

Start moving on in life with a completely different mentality--that she is undeserving of you, that she has lost something and will never get it back--and start doing good things for yourself.

[TryingVeryHard]

Also not intending to sound harsh, as I know you were the one that got broken up with, and probably still had very strong feelings toward her- and I'm sure you are still hurting really badly over this...

 

But, seriously?

 

She broke up with you! What were you doing still being intimate and doing stuff with her? You should've initiated No Contact right away and given yourself time to heal. If she really cared about you and was interested in getting back together, she would've tried to make an effort to appreciate and understand that you needed the time to get over it, and would make an effort to wait until you were ready and then get back together with you.

 

Of course in hindsight this makes sense, but like Live n Learn said, this is what A LOT of dumpers do. Mine did it, and I stuck around like OP did because she claimed that she was still "thinking about working things out,"

 

Then one monday morning after ignoring me all weekend she sends me a text while I'm at work that says "the truth is that I've been seeing some one else."

 

So yeah, I'm starting to feel like the OP. At first, I blamed myself for everything and thought that I would take her back with open arms no matter what... But within the past few weeks (it's been 7 months since the split), I've been more angry toward her than anything. I used to be afraid that she thought I hated her, but now I almost hope she does think I hate her. I let her walk all over me back then, but now I feel my self respect coming back.

[bwhite00]

Same boat! Got dumped, got intimate three months later for about a month, all seemed peachy but there was no official title of 'being in a relationship' between us. Don't go this route!

 

I need that loyalty. I need the assurance that maybe this could be resolved. I got a lot of sex instead. NOT what I was looking for. Seriously dude, starting today, reject this chick-Like I am. And not to hurt her or manipulate her into wanting you but simply to heal in a healthy manner and become at peace with yourself.

 

I'm going to do my best!

[bwhite00]

I know it's easier said than done but the beauty of NC is you don't have to say a word. And don't tell her you're going NC just do it. Now I gotta take my own advice

[bwhite00]

That's some powerful stuff TryingVeryHard. Thank you for sharing.

 

It takes a lot of time to get your self-respect back and ex's seem to like draining us of it.

 

The truth is: noone who cares about you would ever try to damage your self-esteem or make you doubt your worth.

[xxsarah-2010xx]

 

The truth is: noone who cares about you would ever try to damage your self-esteem or make you doubt your worth.

 

Totally agree!!