I feel betrayed

[Iwantittoend]

I've been talking to my girlfriend again. Things have been getting better, so I am willing to give it another shot. However, something happened and it's really bothered me...

 

My girlfriend was adopted when she was 3 days old. She recently got back in contact with her birth family. She said at first that she wanted to slowly let them back in her life, but it's turned into hanging out with them almost daily now. She talks to them in texts, phone calls, and goes out to their house. This past week she was with them everyday. On Saturday she was with them ALL day at a party. I got off work around 10 pm and was kind of in a bad mood but she wanted me to come out. I had planned on Sunday for me and her to hang out all day. So I told her on Saturday night that I didn't want to come, and she flipped and started crying. I then said that I had planned on being with her on Sunday all day, so I don't know why it's such a big deal. She then goes "oh well I'm going to my *birth dad's* two baseball games in the evening." I got pretty pissed and mistakenly said "Wow okay, you revolve your life around them don't you?" This really upset her and she started crying. I immediately retreated back from that statement and I really didn't mean it. We talked it out and it seemed like she forgave me. She said she wouldn't say anything about it to anyone.

 

Well.. come today...

 

She left her computer up at my house and it was on Facebook. She was talking to her birth mom, and I noticed in the chat box that my name was mentioned. My gf was talking about a letter that she sent to them and how she didn't want me to see it. So I went into her inbox and noticed this long message telling her birth parents how I had said that and how I was SO wrong and that it hurt her beyond belief, and that my explanation that it was said out of frustration was BS. Then her birth parents chimed in saying "oh it's hard for him, he must not want to share you"..."I don't get what's up with him"...I was INFURIATED.

 

So now I look like a complete jerk to everyone involved. I'm sure it's going around to her entire family now. I do LIKE them and I'm glad she found them! It came out wrong completely. Why would she tell them after she told me she wouldn't?

 

I'm so upset. I don't even want to see her or any of them now.

[Ms Darcy]

I don't think you should have read her message. People can vent to their families privately about their relationships. Ultimately, I still think your relationship is rocky and your gf is always crying about something you have done.

[hers]

Agree with Ms. Darcy...the relationship is no good anyway, but you WERE in the wrong, even with reading her message. 100%. Own up to it.

[Iwantittoend]

I don't think you should have read her message. People can vent to their families privately about their relationships. Ultimately, I still think your relationship is rocky and your gf is always crying about something you have done.

 

She can vent if we're having problems, but why did she have to tell them something like that? I didn't mean it whatsoever.

[Iwantittoend]

Agree with Ms. Darcy...the relationship is no good anyway, but you WERE in the wrong, even with reading her message. 100%. Own up to it.

 

Whatever, I'm ready to walk away. There's too much drama. I'm mentally and physically exhausted.

[lostnscared]

I thought you were done with her(from your previous threads)? She seems like a wreck and she is too emotional and very much a drama queen. I don't think it's wrong that she's spent time getting to know her birth family and I do think you could be more sensitive to how much of a "turning point" this is for her. And if it were a private message then you had no rights to read it.

 

I think you *really* need to walk away. Not just say you are, but DO IT. Because honestly you're still complaining about the same things about this particular girl--nothing has changed. And nothing probably is going to change.

 

Find a girl that isn't a drama queen, and you won't feel the need to snoop.

 

Good luck

[hers]

She can vent if we're having problems, but why did she have to tell them something like that? I didn't mean it whatsoever.

 

she was venting...whether you meant it or not, you hurt her, and understandably so.

 

Whatever, I'm ready to walk away. There's too much drama. I'm mentally and physically exhausted.

 

yeah, your relationship is drama. as was the last one. remember, it won't get better unless you work on you. otherwise, you're going to keep having the same problems in each relationship. you're going to choose the same person over and over. regardless though, you have to understand how hard it probably was for her to accept that she was given up as a baby and how much of a change it is for her to have her birth parents and family back in her life. good on her for wanting to establish a relationship with them. and it's not for you to say how much time is ok for her to spend time with them. so that's why i say you were worng in saying that...don't say things you don't mean unless you actually mean them.