Never Done This... Need Advices on Rebound (?)

[baxxter]

Hello All>

 

So it has been 1 month since BU, and I am feeling much better, yet have some business to take care of with my ex, and that chapter is not closed nor I feel ready to close it.

 

1 day after ex dumped me I was at my pub and this guy started to chat with me. I was clearly very upset all that day but kept facade when I was there while talking to some friends, but I didn't look my best nonetheless.

 

Anyway, 2 weeks after the guy came up again there and asked for my number, I gave it to him, (I'd have done anything to take my mind off of my ex, plus he seemed nice) and he called me the same day, and asked me out.

 

I said I am busy for next few weeks, and he said he will be away for a holiday, which was good because I really wasn't ready for not even a casual date.

 

He came back and popped into the pub and we chatted the other day, which went pretty well. It was non-date so I felt relaxed.

 

It honestly feels great that someone still wants me, but I know I'm not ready for relationship / another rejection, so am taking it really slow, plus I still do want my ex back if he drastically changes his attitudes (unlikely, but I am very forgiving).

 

My question is, OK, I will talk to this new guy and play by ear from here on, but if there are any advices you guys can give on this possible rebound, which I have never done, please give me anything. I don't wanna get hurt or hurt him, or hurt my ex (I know I shouldn't care but he is a decent guy who meant well.)

 

Cheers x

[odile]

Meet up with him as a friend, spend time on non-dates.

If you get the feeling that he is interested in anything more than friendship,

then simply let him know that you are fresh out of a relationship, and not looking to date anyone.

[Ms Darcy]

When you want your ex back, I don't think it's wise to even pursue "non-dates" with someone who you know wants you. It's a recipe for some hurt feelings. But that's just my take.

[baxxter]

When you want your ex back, I don't think it's wise to even pursue "non-dates" with someone who you know wants you. It's a recipe for some hurt feelings. But that's just my take.

 

 

It's funny you say that, because, if I am totally honest I would take pretty every single one of my exes back, dating back from 14 yrs ago to this day. It is just my take that people make mistakes, and people will change if they wanted to, but that's probably because I was ALWAYS dumpee. So I don't think I will ever stop wanting my ex back, though am sure it will fade down gradually.

 

I'd honestly take any of them back, if they apologize and said they are changed, and that they want to work thing out with me.

[Ms Darcy]

Ok, then a better question is are you over all of your exes?

[baxxter]

I am, except for the latest one. But I will be OK if he will not return. If he will return in a year or two that's also fine. I am not expecting anything from my ex, if that makes sense?

[Ms Darcy]

I am, except for the latest one. But I will be OK if he will not return. If he will return in a year or two that's also fine. I am not expecting anything from my ex, if that makes sense?

 

Well, if you are not over the last one, why would you want to start being in dating situations with guys who want to date you?

[baxxter]

Because I don't know if he wants to date me?

 

The fundamental purpose of the question is not to question whether I should be out there yet or not, but to tell me what is the likely outcome of possible rebound.

 

I was expecting something like;

You will get even more hurt when this one doesn't work out,

You will not be able to control your emotions when you maybe unstable,

Make sure you keep distance till you are sure,

 

etc. I looked elsewhere in the forum, but didn't see any general cautionary.

[MalibuOne]

baxxter, you'll probably get all kinds of opinions on this from both ends of the spectrum. My personal feeling is that if you are still deeply hurt and/or unstable coming off your last relationship, getting involved with someone else right away is a recipe for disaster. You'd likely end up hurting him and feeling bad about it yourself. If, however, you're pretty far along the healing path and do NOT want your ex back, then I don't see why one can't go out on some casual dates, having fun and keeping it light.

[Ms Darcy]

It honestly feels great that someone still wants me, but I know I'm not ready for relationship / another rejection, so am taking it really slow, plus I still do want my ex back if he drastically changes his attitudes (unlikely, but I am very forgiving).

 

But then you say ...

 

I don't know if he wants to date me ...

 

The fundamental purpose of the question is not to question whether I should be out there yet or not, but to tell me what is the likely outcome of possible rebound.

 

I think you contradict yourself a little bit here, but that's ok.

 

It sounds like you answered your own question.

[baxxter]

Ms Darcy,

 

I get that contradiction stuff all the time, and I end up feeling like a complete bonehead, but in this case there is no contradiction, and I wouldn't be asking the question if I could answer it myself, lol.

 

All my life all the men I've met never wanted to date me. Some stuck with me after realizing I am OK, but most they just left after getting what they wanted. So that's what I meant. Yes, he is interested in me, but I can tell his shifty eyes are looking for that sort of business, so if I don't take it slow it will go fast and end fast.

 

As long as I can handle myself not to throw myself at undesirable suitor, just maybe because I'm alone, then yes I should be out there. But since I have never done this so soon after a BU I thought maybe there are obvious advices I have not heard before.

 

Or maybe ppl just don't do rebound-y kind of things these days?

[baxxter]

Meet up with him as a friend, spend time on non-dates.

If you get the feeling that he is interested in anything more than friendship,

then simply let him know that you are fresh out of a relationship, and not looking to date anyone.

 

And I forgot to thank you, odile, yes, I like the sound of non-date for now.

[baxxter]

New guy just txted me and said that he gets the impression that I'm not keen. This is why I don't date young guy, they push you into a corner after one chat...

 

But I took your advice and told him where I am at. Maybe he will just drop me right here so I don't have to worry about rebound possibilities!