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Trust/loyalty dilemna. NEED ADVICE!

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Enotalone Community: I need your good advice!


My bf and I are friends with a couple. My bf works with the husband and I have become friends with the wife through their relationship. The wife and I see each other at least once a week at our children's activities and we see them together on occasion. My bf told me last night that "Mike" has been approached by a woman on his child's ball team. The woman told Mike that she is interested in him and gave him her phone number. He sees this woman daily at the ball field because he is the coach of the team. According to my bf, Mike threw the phone number away and has not made contact with the woman outside of the ball team. My bf also told me that I could not tell Mike's wife, "Susan", because he has not told her about it.


Of course, my question is, What do I do? If I tell Susan, I'm breaking the trust between me and my bf AND the trust that Mike had in telling my bf. If I don't tell Susan, I feel like I'm not being a good friend to alert her to something that she may need to be aware of. As far as I can tell, Mike and Susan's marriage is solid and Mike wouldn't take advantage of this situation. So, I don't have anything to gain from telling her. Right?? HELP!!


I've tried to put myself in her shoes. I'm not sure I would WANT to know if I felt that my spouse was doing the right thing. But on the other hand, I might want to be alerted to the fact that someone is after my husband.

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A fact of life is that there will always be some man or woman who will be after someone else's partner. The husband dealt with the situation and has chosen to be loyal to his wife, as he should be. It is no point alerting the wife when the husband has already dealt with the situation. Warning her won't do anything productive because there is really nothing she can do. It is entirely up to the person being propositioned to make the choice.

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Keep your mouth shut.


Nothing positive can come from you telling Susan. Nothing. They have a strong marriage and her husband did the right thing. All you are going to do is give her a reason to be insecure and cause rifts all around. She might even want to quit the ball team... and how is that good for anyone - including the kids!!


I hate to tell you this - but there ARE women after your husband. This doesn't stop when you get married and there is NOTHING you can do about this. It will happen. If you don't trust your partner to do the right thing (like Mike has) - then you have nothing.


You are not betraying her trust by not telling her. Did you tell her the last time you blew your nose?? There is nothing going on and she doesn't need to know. All you have is gossip.

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As long as "Mike" is taking care of business and doing what he know he needs to do, no harm-no foul. He did what most men probably wouldn't, discarded the phone number and not made contact with the woman since. Also, know that there are just going to be times when women hit on men and vice versa; being married is not going to stop that from happening. As long as you're handling your business and the situation doesn't get out of hand (persistent, harassment from the other party) there really isn't any harm being done. If you go mentioning this to his wife you're going to stir up a big pot of stew that doesn't need to be stirred. The man took care of his business and sounds like he did the right thing.

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Thank you all for your advice. It's EXACTLY what I was hoping to hear. I usually take the stance of "Keeping my mouth shut" in these situations but I've been criticized for it before by women who think I'm not looking out for them. For this reason, I wanted advice from this forum.


To RedDress...I know there are women after my bf. He's a good looking man!! I know I was after him before we starting dating! I've been married before too and I know that marriage doesn't stop flirting. I'm pretty confident that I've got a good relationship with mutual trust.


I think you all are right on the money with your advice. Thanks!

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