why does this bug me

[coastalgirl]

I have been dating this guy for a while and can't get past something. He is a really nice guy, sweet and a successful business person.

He is not a brain surgeon, has more life skills than education although went to college, but is not the brainy type. I'm not a brain surgeon either so am not judging. He is alot of fun and I love him but sometimes the way he says things bugs me.

 

Eg. He tells me on the phone sometimes before hanging up, "well we love you", instead of saying "I love you". One time I said who is we? Just ticked me off for some reason. Really, I am basically a nice person, really care about him but the way he words things is bugging me for some reason and I want to get over it. Kind of like stressing over someone not putting the cap on the tooth paste. He also uses cliches another pet peeve of mine.

 

I have been single a long time, was married to a major abuser and am committment shy. Am I just trying to find things wrong with him because I am scared?

 

Does he say "WE love you" instead of "I love you" because he is holding back from saying "I" ? We are both in our early 50's and dating is kind of new to us after being in long term marriages. I've never heard anyone say WE before when they really mean I and find it curious that he says that. Just call me curious.

[Nerdyjock]

As far as the little things - I have to be honest, yes you are being a little knit pickey. Did you two move in together too soon, maybe? Maybe you need more alone time - which is PERFECTLY ok. This sounds like normal cramping of space. People get crabby about small things when they feel like their space is invaded.

 

As far as saying "we love you" that is just odd. I suggest calmly asking, next time he says it, "hey what do you mean by we?". Plain and simple.

[Celadon]

Yeah, that would make me curious too! Does he have children or something, is that the "we"? A dog, perhaps? Maybe he's scared to be "I" since he hasn't been just "I" for so long (if he was in a longterm marriage). Is there a way you can tease him about this so that he realizes what he's saying?

 

"We? Are you hiding someone over there at your home? Someone I should know about?"

[coastalgirl]

We don't live together. I think it is odd too. Although my british ex father-inlaw always says to me when I am leaving after visiting, he gives me a hug and says "We loves ya"

but there is also an ex mother-in law although he says it when she is not around too.

 

He does have kids. I am thinking he is gun shy, wants me to know he cares about me but is too shy, or scared to commit to saying straight up " I love you"

 

By saying WE, he does not commit as much?

 

Or could it be habit because he was a couple for so long? I'm thinking he is wanting me to know he cares about me but is as scared as I am.

 

He said this in a recent email. He said after I emailed him a mushy song " Your so sweet, that is why we love you?

 

Ahgggh, really bugs me, nit picky or not

[Nerdyjock]

In all fairness, it would bug me too. To me it's more weird than anything else. Seriously, I think you should just ask him point blank - just don't make it a big deal. Just ask him straight up what he means. Think of it like this - if it was some other situation that bugged you, you'd bring it up, right? It's your responsibility to take care of yourself in ther relationship and if it is bugging you, bring it up! Then you won't have to question what it means

[Lone She Wolf]

I was dating a my soul mate and he used to say "give us a smooch", and in the very beginning i thought it was odd and also wondered "do you have a mouse in your pocket or something". However, after a couple months i just got used to it and turns out it's just something he says....i don't really think there's any meaning behind it except that he wanted me to kiss him. Now, when i think about it, it's very endearing, I love to hear those words, I love to hear his weird little phrases - "let me pug that nose" or "give me an over the shoulder". We are broken up now due to circumstances......but I think if you really love someone, little stuff like that doesn't matter. I used to think it was weird, but it didn't bug me. However, this other guy I dated in the past, he was a very nice guy also, successful, attractive, blah blah...but everything he did bugged me, the way he held his fork, the way he ate, the way he grinned.... of course that one didn't last too long and I'm very happy for it. Anyway, if that's the only thing that bugs you, I would give it a little time to see if goes away, but if the number of things that bug you increase over time....that's your gut telling you something is wrong. It may not have anything to do with him, it has to do with you and what your soul needs.

[coastalgirl]

I already responded to his email in which he said "we love you" so won't bring it up in another email. But, if it comes up again I will ask why he says that.

Nerdy jock, I'm guessing you are a guy? My guy is a jock, a former professional athlete in a sport I won't mention here as TMI, but he says a few things that I find weird. Other than that, he is fairly normal. I just don't get the "WE" response at all.

 

I will say that he finds it very difficult to tell me he loves me. He shows it in lots of ways but not verbal.

[coastalgirl]

Has to do with me and what my soul needs....very interesting. I don't know what my soul needs at this point. It is slightly broken at the moment.

[KH26]

Hmm yeah slightly weird.

 

My boyfriend says something simular. I hope no one can work out where I live from saying this haha. But in the city he lives they have a slightly different accent and say different things to where I live. He isn't from here originally so finds some of the things they say here funny. In the city he lives they say things like "I likes cheese" instead of "I like cheese" or "I wents to the park" instead of "I went to the park". He picked up on this and instead of saying he loves me he started saying "I loves her see". I found this so annoying to begin with (thought he didn't sound serious) but it's kind of cute now. He doesn't say it all the time, it's funny when he does.

 

But, yeah, I get why that's annoying and slightly weird! definitely ask him about it if it bothers you that much though, especially because he says other things you find weird too. Maybe he just doesn't realise it bothers you.

[coastalgirl]

No he does not realize it bothers me at all. That is why I haven't said anything. I don't want to pick at him or complain about little things. In past relationships I have had the problem of over analyzing and also finding fault. I am working on that as I need to be more accepting.

 

He would never say anything if he thought it bugged me. That is why I have to catch him saying it again. I don't want to send another email saying "what did you mean by that WE"

 

For some reason that is what he says and I don't get it but it is what it is.

[SheBrokeMe]

Well either its a quirk that you need to come to love not get upset by.

 

Or he needs to be checked out mentally because more than one person inhabits his body

[BriarRose]

Sorry, but that is pretty ridiculous. If something that small is going to bother you, how do you plan on dealing with larger issues that inevitably will arise in a relationship?

[coastalgirl]

BriarRose, you are so right. I guess I'm just trying to figure out why someone would say they love you this way, like they are talking for two people. He has some ways of saying things that are very different. But, it is small and I am working on letting the small stuff go. I think he was married so long and slips up sometimes saying we instead of I. Who knows but it is not worth worrying about.

 

I know him and I think it's him letting me know he cares but not committing totally to saying I love you from past experience. I have broken up with him a number of times as I am commitment phobic. Yet he hangs in there. When he feels sure about us he says I love you, but we have been apart for a while now and he is back to guarding himself and not giving too much. This may be why he said this.

 

Anyway, it's my problem and I am working on it.