Confused about, well, everything

[Faun]

To start off, I am old member, who was here in 08 or such with suicidal tendencies. I'm glad to say, those feelings are long gone, and at least for times I feel everything is going great. But here goes the rant...

 

I have been in LDR with the same girl (I feel it's okay to asses her as girl even though I'm younger than her, and she's 24) for almost three years now. Last time we saw was in Februaty when she had to go back home. Now I'm just struggling to get the money to get her visa/residence to my country.

 

 

To start the story, I must admit that I've partly f*cked up my financial situation. I'm in stable, so-so paying job, but still usually struggle to pay my bills. While I keep on making arrangements with the companies I own for, usually when I feel I can solve something, new obstacle appears. I usually spend my whole salary to pay back my debts. This is partly a reason why I have taken another job, which (in terms of time) costs me around 15 hours or my day.

Yet I have still seen any salary, but as I have been promised (freelancing jobs, done them earlier, but not in this scale) the payment within next three weeks, I'm quite walking on thin ice.

 

And this financial situation kicks in when I mention my GF who is from the poor part of the world, and thus I have promised to financially aid her as much as possible before she gets here. And as you can guess, if I personally eat every second day, there's not much to spare for her.

 

This easily leads to the fact that her (IMO over-caring and/or protective) mother has started to feed her the poison of "do you really think he is the right one for you?". Of course I understand that her mother is all she has now, but I fear that she will someday bow to her will and dump me. Regardless of the fact that I work completely inhuman hours to sort everything out for us.

 

Also she still feels quite uncertain about my sincerity towards her. While I can swear in whatever method you may, I will never do anything to make her have a reason to dump me. I never even flirt with other girls!

 

I know that to fix the situation the easiest way would be to loan money (from bank/relatives/etc.) and pay them back in installments, but that is no longer an option. So I just need to collect the money on my own. And as this takes time, my GF thinks I don't want to be with her/reuniting will take loads of time.

 

There's not really anything to ask, as I am aware of my mistakes, and I know what it takes to make everything right again. This is basically just rant of a drunk person who has no-one to talk with about his personal life.

Thus I appreciate anyone who has read through this all, and I apologize for any spelling mistakes (English not even being my native language).

[Xylitol]

Its not about how much you earn in life that matters, its about how much you have left in the end. And i can't believe you said 'loan from the bank', do you honestly believe that you can fill up one hole by digging another? Another appalling thing that you said is 'oh i am the old member' , look son there's 20 year olds out there that are a millionaire already, your 'age' has got nothing to do with it, the only thing that matters and determines your level of life at the moment are these 3 things. 1. How intelligent you are. 2.How financial savy you are. 3. The work you put into action.

 

And well i hope you stay healthy while you are at those 3.

 

If i were you i would severely work on the intelligence level, because that determines the quality of your life, and the financial decisions that you make, if you can get on a higher level with your life, then you can have a better life. Better Job, etc.

 

And why are you bringing a girl in your life if you cannot provide for her, its a little harsh to say but what more do you have to offer to her then your debt?

[Mellie]

I have to say, I believe that women from less developed parts of the world expect a man to provide for them first and foremost, sometimes 100%. Oftentimes, this can come before love. I don't mean to be disrespectful, I just believe they often have a different set of values, borne out of necessity, I don't doubt.

 

Have you explained to your girlfriend just how upset and worried you are about your money troubles? If you have, surely she should be grateful you're doing all you can to try to facilitate your being together, not kicking you while you're down? If it's like this now, what happens when she's here, if things go belly up and she's completely reliant on you? She should be supportive, not heaping on still more pressure. I wouldn't even entertain the idea of a loan if you can't keep up with things as they are now. You never know what tomorrow might bring.

 

"Life is what happens when we're busy making other plans." You need to start thinking of yourself. Not just the future and how happy you'll be when you get her here, but of the now. Give yourself a break. Honestly. It's allowed. Start taking care of yourself.